Who Am I? Who Is He?

In my early childhood in Visakhapatnam, Andhra Pradesh, we addressed our friends by their first names, while elders were given the respectful ‘garu’ suffix in Telugu. Somehow, it was ingrained in us that being addressed by our surname was offensive. If anyone called me by my surname, it would trigger immediate anger—not just in me, but among my friends as well.

Once, during my time as class monitor, a classmate teased me by calling by my surname. Though I was a frail, lean guy, I did not hesitate to chase after this well-built classmate and land a fist kick on him. Whether out of respect for my role as monitor or guilt over his teasing, he did not retaliate—fortunately for me!

Years later, when I joined HPCL and started interacting with colleagues from Northern and Western India, I was surprised to find that they address each other by their family names. It baffled me. Why had we, as children, felt so offended by something that was completely normal elsewhere?

One day, I visited my manager, Mr. Kishan Das, at his home to get an urgent document signed while he was on leave. After settling me in comfortably, he introduced me to his family and, with a jovial yet slightly apologetic tone, explained why his name had no family surname. During his college days, he had attended speeches by Shri Atal Bihari Vajpayee, who urged students to drop their caste-linked surnames to reduce social divides. Inspired by this, he and some of his friends removed their surnames from school records. Then, with a wry smile, he noted the irony—despite their efforts, the same public that praised Vajpayee’s message still called him Vajpayee ji!

That moment struck me. Perhaps, in our childhood, teachers had subtly discouraged the use of surnames because they carried village names, professional identities, or caste markers, reinforcing social divisions. Thanks to such initiatives, Andhra Pradesh still primarily uses initials in place of surnames and middle names, with only the first name written in full in last !. But this, in turn, creates another odd problem—when filling out national applications and passports, the placement of first and last names becomes a major embarrassment. (But that’s a topic for another day.)

The Dictator vs. Democrat Debate – A Question of Labels

Recently, Ukrainian President Mr. Zelensky found himself in an uncomfortable position as the U.S. initiated direct negotiations with Russia, leaving him increasingly isolated. When he was accused of being the root cause of the Ukraine war, he responded in probably ?most polite manner, that perhaps US President and his administration were being influenced by Russian disinformation narratives.

This, of course, angered the U.S. President, who swiftly tweeted that Mr. Zelensky was a Dictator, prolonging the war needlessly while played with Mr. Biden all along. He even alleged that a sizeable amount of aid to Ukraine was missing admittedly..

Amid this spat, the European Union stepped in with a carefully worded statement, asserting that Zelensky is not a Dictator but a Democratic leader. Meanwhile, the U.S. Vice President schooled Zelensky on how to conduct himself when speaking about the American President.

I wondered—why is the word Dictator still considered such an offensive term?

Perhaps the U.S. President's intent was to suggest that how could Mr. Zelensky continue to remain in power without a popular mandate?

The West, on the other hand, sees it differently. To them, Ukraine is at war, and the people are fighting on the frontlines not just for territory, but for their nation’s democracy. If Zelensky were truly an unpopular Dictator, why would his soldiers be risking their lives?

A counter argument may be that —didn’t Russia held elections during wartime, where Mr.Putin was democratically elected! Does that mean Putin is a Democrat to the core ? Not to foget the opposition leader having died in Jail allegedly due to slow poisoning. And if people putting their lives on the line is the benchmark for democracy, then what about North Korean soldiers fighting under their President orders in an unrelated war on the Russia-Ukraine frontier? So can North Korea be a Democracy ?

This brings us back to the problem of labels.

Democrats Who Dictate & Dictators Who Act Democratic

Why do we take offense at the word Dictator when democratically elected leaders often behave like dictators themselves

• On reelection Mr. Trump is issuing executive orders without Congressional debates, steering policies unilaterally. Ofcourse these are powers granted to the President in case of emergency, but don’t they look tad dictatorial. When it is far right there is no line between Dictator and Democrat.
• Mr. Zelensky (Democrat) stays in power without elections, but there is no apparent public outcry for his ouster other than in RT channel.
• Meanwhile, Middle Eastern monarchs and lifelong rulers are warmly welcomed at world summits, never labeled as Dictators.

The Final Realization – Labels Are Just History Repeating Itself

Reflecting on my childhood, I smile at how seriously we took surnames, unaware that acceptability of a name is not an absolute, but a societal construct.

Today, I see the same pattern with the Dictator vs. Democrat debate.

• A Democratic leader can behave dictatorially, controlling public discourse, suppressing opposition, and making unilateral decisions.
• A Dictator can hold elections, maintain order, and may gain support from the people.
• Both share global forums, shake hands, and cut deals.

Maybe it's time we stop pretending that Democracy is always fair and Dictatorship is always oppressive.

Just like with surnames, the name doesn’t matter—only power does.

And the world, much like my childhood self, still hasn’t fully realized it.

Moral of the Story:

In global politics, democracy and dictatorship aren’t as black and white as they seem. Leaders use the terms conveniently, alliances shift based on interests, and power—whether democratic or authoritarian—is ultimately about control.

Wouldn’t it be simpler if we just called leaders Effective or Ineffective instead? ??

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