Who am I?
I’ve been playing with some thoughts about who I am and what it is that people see and feel when they meet me. It’s a slightly spooky ‘internal conversation’ because it challenges me to confront some uncomfortable truths …
Our personality and our role-models are established early in our life, shaped and challenged during adolescence and cemented during early adulthood. Furthermore, role-expectation is also developed during the early years - we are what people expect us to be. Hence, subject to significant life events, we become part of our 'class', our 'upbringing' and our 'family'; amongst some of the guiding drivers of personality.
The rub
But here‘s the rub: who do I really want to be and what do I want people to see, think and feel about me? – and should I be focused on impression management or on concentrating on being the authentic me?
The problem with impression management is that it’s hard work, easy to send out conflicting messages and likely to create weak relationships. The problem with being authentic is that it requires the acceptance of a certain vulnerability which some may find difficult to deal with.
Making a difference
On a related note, I heard a radio article earlier this week about Leonardo da Vinci and about the fact that he would ask himself every day how he could justify his existence and what value he was adding each day.
It's a great way to consider the world; our contribution to it and our existence in it. It challenges us to question what we do that makes a difference (to what / whom, and why!) and how we can make the most of our being on the earth. I realised that - in the words of Dave Gilmour of Pink Floyd - I have perhaps become 'comfortably numb' and am giving insufficient consideration to my personal contribution.
Grounded in evidence
What I am now realising is that I have followed the transition that Robert Kegan describes in his seminal work on adult development. He identifies 3 main phases of development - the socialised mind, the self-authoring mind and the self-transforming mind. I know that I need to shift from 'comfortably numb' - happy in my own skin and being okay with where I have brought myself - to consciously purposeful in my service to others.
Definitely food for thought!
Marketing Manager at Giggleswick School
5 年Thanks for sharing and a nice track to end on!
Transforming lives through coaching expertise for both career and health
5 年Knowing you David has shown me that you are consistent-- in word and deed, having the same fundamental character in different roles, and being comfortable "in your own skin". That to me is authenticity. You have been a remarkable colleague on many fronts. And.. inspiring as someone aiming for "joyfulness" or as we say in CTT, "self actualization". Great post!
Author of "Leading Beyond Sustainability"; "Leading a Purposeful Life"; "Designing the Purposeful World”; & “Designing the Purposeful Organization"; speaker, facilitator and coach.
5 年Nice one David. The “authentic” me is an interesting concept, given that much of who we are is inherited from previous generations and social influences. We are very much a work in progress, changing with each interaction, conscious or not. Speaking of which, perhaps we’re due another one soon. ????