The White Wall

I am someone who internalizes and retrospects a lot - sometimes I tend to improve myself, mostly I neglect it. I guess I am in the majority of the population that does little to go that extra mile. And perhaps I was ok with it since I am mediocrely good at my work, personal relationships, and a few friendships I have. But off-late, something has been not right.

COVID is a global crisis and am currently seeing my loved ones struggle however despite the viral complexity of the current scenario I am struggling with something within. The standstill of life, in a way has forced my inner demons out. The faults, I know, I have are now in the open and staring at me.

Thrown into the new normal of WFH, have a makeshift desk that stares out a barren cold white wall with a window. That window is my escape, the swaying trees, willowy sunlight, breeze, chirping birds are my current colleagues. But that barren white wall is what sticks out like a sore thorn. It reminds me of everything I have brushed aside and let myself be fooled.

That barren white wall is my mental state - wanting to learn, wanting change, and evolve and yet it is the same mind that stops me.

Have I resisted change for too long, am I stopping myself to achieve more, can I change the narrative of that barren white wall.

The answer is a resounding yes because every white wall is an opportunity to paint it the brightest. For me, I was hit with a truth I have known for far too long and unfortunately waited far too long to act upon it. But as they say - Better late than never.