White supremacy loves an either/or binary

It's day 3 so I'm sharing #3 of Dr Tema Okun's 15 characteristics of White supremacy.

#3 - Either/or and the binary

Here's what Dr Okun says about either/or thinking:?

"Either/or and the binary shows up as:

? Positioning or presenting options or issues as either/or — good/bad, right/wrong, with us/against us.

? Little or no sense of the possibilities of both/and.

? Trying to simplify complex things, for example believing that poverty is simply the result of lack of education.

? Closely linked to perfectionism because binary thinking makes it difficult to learn from mistakes or accommodate conflict.

? Conflict and an increased sense of urgency, as people feel they have to make decisions to do either this or that, with no time or encouragement to consider alternatives, particularly those which may require more time or resources.

? A strategy used by those with a clear agenda or goal to push those who are still thinking or reflecting to make a choice between ‘a’ or ‘b’ without acknowledging a need for time and creativity to come up with more options.

? A strategy used to pit oppressions against each other rather than to recognize the ways in which racism and classism intersect, the ways in which both intersect with heterosexism and agism and other categories of oppression.?

Antidotes

Antidotes or suggestions for how to show up in more connecting and healing ways include:

? Notice when you or others use ‘either/or’ language and make time to come up with more than two alternatives.

? Notice when you or others are simplifying complex issues, particularly when the stakes seem high or an urgent decision needs to be made.

? When urgency arises and binary thinking emerges, slow down and encourage people to take a pause, a breath, restate the goal, and dive deeper into alternatives.

? When you or others are faced with an urgent decision, take a break and offer some breathing room to think creatively and allow intuitive wisdom to arise.

? Avoid making decisions under extreme pressure and work to distinguish what is actual pressure and what is pressure that you or others are creating.

? Avoid trying to assign a single cause to a problem or a challenge; acknowledge the ways in which oppressions intersect and reinforce each other as well as the ways in which oppression can be operating at the interpersonal, institutional and cultural levels.

Many of the antidotes to either/or thinking apply to other characteristics of White supremacy culture. Dr Okun suggests reviewing them?all?to see which might prove most helpful.?

Build connection to dismantle binaries

"One simple way to build connection is to acknowledge our experience as ours without requiring or needing or assuming that others are having the same experience.

One way we can do this is through the simple use of "I" statements. Speaking in generalizations often causes disconnection.

For example, in a gathering or meeting when someone says how well the group is doing in creating a sense of trust when I don't feel trust or I know there is someone in the group who is struggling - that simple generalization causes (often unintentional) disconnect.

Shifting to an "I" statement allows the speaker to say "I feel a sense of trust" without claiming to speak for the experience of everyone in the group.

Stating that we are not speaking for the group and only for ourselves is also a bridge builder. Speaking for ourselves also deepens our self awareness as we learn more and more to claim our own specific experience.?

Good leaders know there is no perfect solution. That is the lie and false promise of the dualistic mind. - Richard Rohr

Contemplation is an exercise in keeping your heart and mind spaces open long enough for the mind to see other hidden material. (p. 34) ... it is a holding of a real tension, and not necessarily a balancing act, a closure, or any full resolution. It is agreeing to live without resolution, at least for a while. This is very different, and very difficult, for most people, largely because we have not been taught how to do this mentally or emotionally. (p. 107)

Non-polarity thinking ... teaches you how to hold creative tensions, how to live with paradox and contradictions, how not to run from mystery.??(p. 132) A paradox is something that initially appears to be inconsistent or contradictory, but might not be a contradiction at all inside of a different frame or seen with a different eye. (p. 146)

Much of the universe seems to feed on paradox and the mysterious - everything from black holes to dark matter to neutrinos, which are invisible and weightless and yet necessary to keep matter and anti-matter from cancelling out one another. (p. 152)

Good leaders know there is no perfect solution. That is the lie and false promise of the dualistic mind, polarity, and all-or-nothing thinking. Good leaders know that every one-sided solution is doomed ahead of time to failure. It is never a final solution but only a postponement of the problem. (p. 157)

Dr Okun then takes us on a tour of the work of some other thinkers.

We've got:

• Paul Kivel on Christian moral binaries, our tendency to label and simplify human behaviour, and how binaries set up false notions of purity and competition.

Also this excellent reminder of how unhelpful binaries are: "The weather is not good or bad, it just is. Rain might be inconvenient, disappointing, uncomfortable for some and welcome, needed or comforting for others."

• Kai Cheng Thom on binary thinking and responses to harm.

"In our (rightful) desire to ensure that harm is not minimized or ignored, we use inflammatory language, binary concepts of right and wrong, and oversimplified narratives that more often than not increase tension and heighten rage and shame. We do not ask the questions that are central to transformative justice:?Why?has harm occurred??Who?is responsible (beyond the individual perpetrator-as in, how is community implicated)??How?can this harm be prevented in the future?"

(Side note, but Thom* writes so beautifully about harm and healing. In a since-deleted tweet thread, Thom writes: 'the ultimate question of social justice somatics is not "how can we cure the traumatized body so it can return to productive society?"—the question of dominant psychology. our question is: "how can we heal our traumatized bodies so that we may love each other and fight together?' )

• More from Richard Rohr, on binary thinking in Western culture.

"More than with any other personality trait in my life, all-or-nothing thinking has caused me to make huge mistakes and bad judgments, hurt people and myself, withhold love, and misinterpret situations. And this pattern of dualistic thinking is deeply entrenched in most Western people, despite its severe limitations. Binary thinking ... is completely inadequate for the major questions and dilemmas of life.

When you are concerned with either attacking or defending, manipulating or resisting, pushing or pulling, you cannot be contemplative. When you are preoccupied with enemies, you are always dualistic.

People who have never loved or never suffered will normally try to control everything with an either-or attitude, or all-or-nothing thinking. This closed system is all they are prepared for. The mentality that divides the world into “deserving and undeserving” has never been let go of by any experience of grace or undeserved mercy. This absence leaves them judgmental, demanding, unforgiving, and weak in empathy and sympathy. They remain inside of the prison of meritocracy, where all has to be deserved. Remember, however, to be patient with such people, even if you are the target of their judgment, because on some level that is how they treat themselves as well."

That's day 3 of our journey through Dr Okun's 15 characteristics of White supremacy culture.

You can read more on the White Supremacy Culture website.

* I'm basing that off pieces like this article where she gives Kai Cheng as her first name, but I may have this wrong.