White supremacy culture thrives on denial and defensiveness

This article is #4 in a series. Every day, I'm sharing one of Dr Tema Okun's 15 characteristics of White supremacy culture.

It's day four and I'm sharing a fourth characteristic of White supremacy culture, from Dr Tema Okun's 15 characteristics of White supremacy culture.

Dr Okun opens with this gut-punching truth: that denial, defensiveness and silence can kill.

"Our cultural dis-ease with truth telling, particularly when we are speaking truth to power. White supremacy culture encourages a habit of denying and defending any speaking to or about it. White supremacy culture encourages a habit of silence about things that matter and, as the collective of artists fighting the AIDS epidemic so wisely and succinctly said, silence = death."

Dr Okun shows us what that looks like:

Defensiveness

"Defensiveness shows up as:

? The organizational structure is set up and much energy spent trying to prevent abuse and protect power rather than to facilitate the capacities of each person or to clarify who has power and how they are expected to use it.

? Because of either/or and binary thinking, those in power view and/or experience criticism as threatening and inappropriate (or rude).

? People respond to new or challenging ideas with objections or criticism, making it very difficult to raise these ideas.

? People in the organization, particularly those with power, spend a lot of energy trying to make sure that their feelings aren’t getting hurt, forcing others to work around their defensiveness rather than addressing them head-on. At its worst, they have convinced others to do this work for them.

? White people spend energy defending against charges of racism instead of examining how racism might actually be happening.

? White people claim that participation in anti-racist activity means they cannot be racist or be engaged in racism; closely linked to individualism.

? White people targeted by other oppressions express resentment because they experience the naming of racism as erasing their experience; closely linked to either/or/binary thinking.

? An oppressive culture where people are afraid to speak their truth.

Antidotes

Antidotes or suggestions for how to show up in more connecting and healing ways include:

? Understand that structure cannot in and of itself facilitate or prevent abuse

? Understand the link between defensiveness and fear (of losing power, losing face, losing comfort, losing privilege)

? Work on your own defensiveness; ask yourself what you are defending against and why

? Develop a culture of naming defensiveness as a problem when it is one

? Set up brainstorming and other sessions designed to consider ideas ahead of time by naming defensiveness as a behavior or attitude the group wants to name and avoid

? Give people credit for being able to handle more than you think; in other words, avoid deciding what someone can or cannot hear, particularly if you don't have evidence?

? When someone responds defensively, ask them to talk through what they are defending (or defending against); you might find some rich information that way

? Discuss the ways in which defensiveness or resistance to new ideas gets in the way of the mission. Use your own experience with your own defensiveness and resistance as an example. Brainstorm options for what the group can and will do when defensiveness and resistance show up.

? Consider the power differences at play; when someone with a lot of power is defensive and resistant, the options are very different than when someone with less or little power is defensive and resistant. Be clear about the power dynamics in the situation and respond thoughtfully. The person with power has greater responsibility to name and move through their own defensiveness and resistance, although the collective is best served when everyone has those skills.

? Know that resentment is a form of defensiveness and signals that the person feeling the resentment feels unseen and unheard. Or afraid of losing power. See the bullet point above."

The White supremacy culture website includes stories, poems and more about how these characteristics show up in our lives. I'm struck by this story in particular, which shows how quickly defensiveness kills off opportunities for connection, collaboration and solidarity.?

My favourite quotes from that story:

" I hear myself say, “yes, and that’s how white supremacy works. Because instead of saying, ‘oh, that happens to me too’ in an opening of mutual recognition, we say ‘but that happens to me too” from a place of resentful defense, rejecting what is essentially an admission of shared experience.”

??"We’re so desperate to be validated, especially those of us who are brought up to believe that being seen is our birthright, that we fail to notice how the poison of racism inevitably seeps into our lived experience, into our psyches, into our cells."

"And we find ourselves desperate to claim our own oppression, as if there isn’t enough to go around. And in this way white supremacy claims another victory as it successfully disconnects us from each other across lines of race and from others within our own group too."

Next up, denial.

Denial?

"Denial shows up as:

? Just what it sounds like – denying what another person is saying about the ways in which white supremacy and/or racism are showing up in an interaction or space.

? A pattern that often has a white person with different levels of power denying what a Black, Indigenous or Person of Color or a whole community is saying about their experience of racism.

? Claiming the right to define what is and what is not racism.

? Insisting that white supremacy and racism require intent. Attempting to separate intent from impact in order to claim that if racism is not intended, then it is not happening.

? Refusing to consider or acknowledge the historical legacy of white supremacy and racism and the structural nature of racial disparities. Rewriting, reframing, or omitting histories to erase or downplay racism.

? The refusal or inability to feel the emotional cost of racism. At worst suggesting that acts of violence and rage targeting BIPOC communities and people are deserved and/or necessary and at best ignoring or downplaying acts of violence and rage directed at BIPOC.

? Insisting that individually or collectively, a person or group is free from racialized conditioning, leading to statements like “I don’t see color,” and “we’re all the same.”

? Refusing to acknowledge the benefits of belonging to the white group while generalizing about BIPOC people and communities. Connected to individualism.

? Seeing and/or understanding the actions of white people as individual while generalizing to whole BIPOC groups. Refusing, for example, to acknowledge the accelerating pattern of white boys and men committing acts of gun violence while attributing “danger” to whole Communities of Color to excuse police or other violence directed at Black and Brown people.

? Erasing intersectionality - generalizing about a whole group without recognizing the ways in which class, gender, sexuality, religion, age, dis/ability, and other identities inform our individual and collective experiences.

Antidotes

"Antidotes include:

? Assume that any naming of racism is on target. Instead of asking is it or isn’t it racism, ask how is it racism?

? Understand deep in our bones that naming racism is the first step toward repair. ? Learn to acknowledge any fear that naming brings up – the feeling is not wrong or right – so that you can move through the feeling and address what has been raised.

? For white people: Avoid taking accusations of racism or collusion in racism personally. Avoid defending yourself. Learn to say "tell me more." Understand your racism (or your collusion in racism) as conditioning, not as who you essentially are. Understand that awareness of your conditioning is necessary if you are going to change and grow.

? Call yourself and others in, not out. We will not grow the movement through shame and blame, even though shame and blame are necessary elements of our own individual and personal development. We will grow the movement by holding each other accountable from a position of care, kindness, and love. Sometimes we will have to employ tough love and always the goal is to avoid throwing ourselves or anyone else away. Thanks to our beloved Cynthia Brown for this instruction.

? Know our history. Learn our history. Understand how racist patterns repeat over and over again. Take the time to learn where you live and work and love and the Indigenous history of the peoples who lived and worked and loved there before you (or live there now). Take the time to learn your own indigenity (thank you Justin Robinson and Vivette Jeffries-Logan). Take the time to know both the history of white supremacy patterns and the stories of resistance and resilience.

? Plant yourself in the river of resistance and resilience.

? Learn about the history of the recurring structural power, privilege, and benefits bestowed on the white group at the expense of BIPOC people and communities. ? ? Understand the price paid.

? Learn to admit when you are wrong. Understand that vulnerability can be a strength, particularly if you are sitting in a position of power and privilege.?

? Understand that not everyone can afford to be vulnerable in the same way.

? Develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence so you can take responsibility for yourself and your emotions in collective and collaborative work. This is an essential part of self-care and the link between taking care of ourselves and our ability to show up in community with integrity.

? Take the time to understand yourself as both an individual and part of a racialized group. Take the time to understand that you are deeply informed by your racial group (or groups if you are mixed roots). Understand that you are not defined by your racial group(s). Learn to discern and respect the difference for yourself and for others.

? Acknowledge the power of intersectionality. Being a white cisgender owning class male is a different experience than being a white gender-non-conforming working class person. While the construct of whiteness and racial grouping means that we are being invited into the same construct, the invitation looks different and will be a different lived experience. Acknowledge and respect the overlaps and the differences.

To learn more features of denial and defensiveness, explore Dr Okun's 15 characteristics of White supremacy culture.

Tomorrow, it's the right to comfort and fear of conflict.