Whistle's End: Contemplating the Final Call on My Journey as a Football Referee

As the football season draws to a close, so does my tenure as a referee. I'm seriously considering to step away from the role, sensing a waning interest in the game.

During my last match this weekend, I experienced a weird sense of detachment. I found myself officiating without truly engaging in the game. Routine calls made for minor infractions met with acceptance from players. It felt almost automatic, relying on intuition and maintaining composure.

However, when tensions rose, I struggled to elevate my concentration. The first half saw the away team take a two-goal lead, but the home team found renewed vigor in the second half after capitalizing on a mistake by the away goalkeeper, narrowing the scoreline. As the home team intensified their efforts, a critical moment arose.

An attacker from the home team was brought down near the goal in the 16m box and I blew the whistle immediately. Despite the ball taking a slightly different course, indicating the defender's intervention, I awarded a penalty kick, citing the incorrect sequence of events: player before ball, constituting a foul. The same as I would have done outside the 16m box.

This decision was met with opposition from a bunch of away team players, who contested the call, along with the (club) AR, who was indeed waving his flag, apparently calling for offside. I reiterated my decision and instructed the AR to adhere to my rulings and not interfere with my calls (as agreed in the pre-game instructions).

The subsequent penalty kick led to an equalizing goal, igniting the home team's fervor. Minutes later, they secured another goal, amidst protests from the away team regarding a potential handball, which I deemed unintentional and without clear advantage. Again, their own AR was waving his flag, indication hand ball. This time I ignored him totally and didn't even talk to him.

Despite maintaining my composure amidst player objections, the criticism didn't end with the final whistle. The away team's coach confronted me, questioning my performance and even suggesting my resignation, leaving me unsettled. This was the first time someone suggested this and it hit me between the eyes.

Amidst the post-match discussions with the away team, the away goalkeeper made a disrespectful remark about my integrity, earning him a cautionary yellow card.

Unbeknownst to the away coach and his players, officiating amateur youth games demands significant physical and mental exertion. Despite my recent ankle injuries and regular physiotherapy sessions, I've dedicated myself to the role and looked forward to each new game on the roster. However, perhaps my mental and physical states have become intertwined, leading me to reassess my commitment.

Ultimately, it's become apparent that it's maybe a good time to step away from refereeing after 21 years of being on the 'weekend job'. With one or maybe two final matches ahead, I'll approach them with renewed focus, observation, and self-reflection, before making the final call and officially tendering my resignation to the Dutch FA.