Which Version?

Asking someone a question like ‘How was your holiday?’  can bring a variety of responses from:

1. Great thanks
2. We went camping
3. We went camping to the New Forest and also got to the beach. It was great to read and relax…
4. We went camping to the New Forest.  My grandparents used to live there and my Mum loves the area.  As children, we used to go every school holiday.  I love horses.  In fact that childhood love gave me a lifelong interest in horses… and so on…

Questions can evoke many versions of the same answer.  And questions are at the heart of coaching.  Unboundaried, people don’t know which version to go for. Or indeed some people will always opt for the longest or shortest!

We need to talk more about time. It enables our companion to work out how much to say. On Monday I coached someone and she said ‘I need to blurb.’ ‘How long do you need to blurb for?’ I asked. It worked

Time boundaries on the end of a conversation matter too.  Listen to the difference between ‘We only have 5 minutes left’ and ‘In the 5 minutes we have left, what do we need to do?’.  When you don’t mention time, and you’re coming to the end, they probably have no idea what time it is and may well go for version 4 … which opens up just at the time you need to be ending well.  It’s a particular issue for people who are very good at building trust. That’s when the thinker totally loses track of time. You’ll see the outcome of your unboundaried question as a need in to run over. And yet it is unlikely to happen when you share responsibility and talk about time. As long as you are always unconditionally positive about time.

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? 3D Coaching Ltd 2021

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