Which of these 3 mistakes are stopping you getting what you want?

February. ‘Tis the season to beat yourself up as the enthusiasm you felt in January fades and you find yourself struggling to keep new year’s resolutions. According to US News, 80% of resolutions fail by the second week of February[1].

At the beginning of the year, everywhere you looked someone was trying to sell you a quick fix – a new diet, exercise regime or a formula for lasting happiness. 

The truth is, there is no quick fix. If you want to make changes in your personal or professional life it’s going to take time and effort. 

For many of us, the new year feels like a natural time to reflect on life and commit to making changes. That’s fine but why only do it in January? Regular review and ongoing, consistent action throughout the year will help you achieve the changes you want.

Here are three mistakes that stop us getting what we want - and how to fix them:

Mistake #1 - Expecting change to happen by sheer force of will

‘I have decided to do this therefore I will do it.’ Seems logical, doesn’t it? Some of us have an iron will but unfortunately for most of us, willpower isn’t enough. 

To break bad habits or create new ones, you need to identify what it is that triggers the behaviour and decide what action you are going to take when that trigger occurs. Some people also find it helpful to reward themselves when they successfully perform the new behaviour. 

For example, to quit smoking you might notice finishing a meal is the trigger that makes you reach for a cigarette. You could decide to replace the cigarette with a short walk. Afterwards, you might reward yourself with five minutes on your favourite social media site.

Mistake #2 - Expecting change to be immediate and radical

Without wishing to disparage anyone who’s tried it (and congratulations if you were successful), one thing I will never attempt is Dry January. I like a drink and can contemplate a month without alcohol. But going cold turkey after the booziest season of the year is likely to set me up for failure. For me it’s too big a change, too soon. 

Changing your life takes time. It requires trial and error to figure out what works and what doesn’t. 

Understand that small incremental changes add up to transformation. Stop putting pressure on yourself to make instant, sweeping changes. Instead, be curious about the small steps you can take over time to get where you want to be. My alcohol consumption is much lower than it was two years ago because I’ve made a series of small, conscious changes to what, when and how much I drink.

Mistake #3 - Not making plans to achieve your goals

Goal-setting alone is not enough. You need to plan how you are going to achieve them.

Break your goal down into manageable stages. Identify the milestones along the way that you can reward yourself for meeting. Then take consistent action (daily, weekly and monthly) to move you closer to what you want.

Let me tell you something about my time as Director of Policy at a breast cancer charity. Part of my role was media spokesperson. My goal was to be able to do a live TV news interview at short notice, which for an introvert like me was terrifying and felt impossible. At first I told myself I just had to force myself to do it but it soon became obvious that wasn’t going to work. Panic would set in – I feared my mind going blank in front of the camera and not knowing what to say.

To achieve my goal I broke it down into stages and didn’t move onto the next step until I’d mastered the one before it. After getting some media training I felt ready to do a pre-recorded radio interview (the joy of pre-record is you can do it again if you mess up plus no one can see you refer to your notes on the radio). When I felt comfortable, I practised doing live radio interviews (still using notes). Soon I felt ready to step in front of the camera for a pre-recorded TV appearance. Finally, after months of practise, I took the plunge and subjected myself to a live TV news interview.  It was scary but not as paralysing as it would have been if I’d tried to do it straight off the bat without building up to it. By the end of my time in that role I was touring the TV news studios with a colleague from the media team, offering myself up as a talking head.  

Creating significant change in your personal or professional life is rarely easy but always possible. If you need help making changes, consider coaching. A good coach will support you to craft stretching goals, help you identify the steps you need to take to achieve them and hold you accountable for any actions you decide to take.

As journalist Sophie Haewood recently wrote, “There’s no secret to happiness! No unicorns, no magic – you simply replace your wishbone with a backbone, bit by bit.”

Emma Taggart is the leadership coach for introverts, helping them succeed in an extroverted world. To receive more articles like this one straight to your inbox, sign up here.

[1]https://health.usnews.com/health-news/blogs/eat-run/articles/2015-12-29/why-80-percent-of-new-years-resolutions-fail