Where’s my wallet? Using swearing in negotiations
“When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.” Mark Twain
A calm demeanor is usually the best way to approach a negotiation. Having been involved in negotiations over many years on many continents, I only recall swearing twice – in a rapid informal “street” negotiation in Madrid and in a formal “business” negotiation in Cape Town.
On a hot summer day in Madrid I was walking with friends down a busy street carrying two bottles of water that I had just bought from a vending machine. Before I could give one bottle to a friend, a cigarette butt was pushed into my shoulder and I instinctively turned towards the source of pain. As I did this, I felt my wallet get yanked out of my short pocket. Immediately realizing this was linked, I looked up at the tall guy who had just “butt pushed” me and grabbed his suspenders, while still holding the water bottles.
A quick negotiation was underway as I yelled a few swear words at him and he looked at me knowing what I knew – he was part of a synchronized mugging. At that moment my friends also comprehended what had happened (helped by the fact that I also shouted loudly “they just took my wallet”) and saw his accomplice a few feet away staring at the scene and holding my wallet. The tall guy nodded at the accomplice to give it back, my friends grabbed the wallet and I released my grip on the suspenders and both guys ran away. In hindsight, this strategy of holding someone hostage worked (if only for an instant), but if he’d had a knife or gun it would have been foolhardy, so I would not suggest ever doing this. This incident did show that you can create bargaining power even in the most extreme circumstances, sometimes just by a sudden unexpected action (such as change in language tone).
The other time I swore was in a business negotiation that had dragged on for hours. I was managing a direct selling business and we had just launched a nationwide promotional campaign to sell a new crockery line. It then emerged in this meeting that the supplier had no ability to deliver the goods in time for shipping to customers, which would mean I would have to ask the sales force to hold off on new orders for some time – a disaster for a business that motivates its sales force through commissions. In the months long delay, many of the sales people could leave, which would cripple the business. When these facts emerged in the meeting, I repeated them and politely asked if the supplier had any solutions – which they said they didn’t. I then uttered a strategic swear word, stood up and left the meeting. Later that day the supplier called and agreed to expedite the shipment (which had been claimed as "impossible" in the meeting), reducing the lag time to get the goods and resolving the situation.
You can also be on the receiving end of swearing in a negotiation, something I have experienced unfortunately several times. As opposed to the above strategic (and very rare) use of swearing, most times the swearing has just been part of the expanded vocabulary of investment bankers anxious to get a deal done no matter what. In one protracted M&A negotiation where I was working with the buyer, the seller’s senior investment banker opted not to be on a key conference call where many of the closing financial mechanisms were being calculated. As I had thoroughly prepared my team, during the call we quickly noticed that the junior investment banking associate did not fully understand the implications of the mechanisms or numbers being discussed on the seller’s position, so was agreeing to solutions that were great for us, but at the seller’s expense.
Once everything was finalized on the call, the lawyers (who had been on the call also) circulated the final agreement and then the senior investment banker realized what had happened. He called me and started by using some “creative swearing” that included references to my mother. I politely interrupted him, acknowledged his anger, but stated that my mother had nothing to do with this, that he chose to delegate the call to a subordinate and that he could call me back when he calmed down or the deal was off. An hour later, he called back, apologized and the deal was closed on the terms agreed on the call.
In the “Prepare” step of the 5P negotiation framework (the other 4 steps are Probe, Possibilities, Propose and Partner), it is very important to consider the likely emotional context, not just the substance. With preparation and practice, you can improve your emotional leverage and get a better deal, hopefully without any swearing required.
Craig Mullett is an experienced negotiator and studied negotiation at leading institutions, including the United Nations International Leadership Academy, Harvard Business School and the Netherlands Business School. He speaks frequently at global conferences and has commentated in The New York Times, Forbes, Financial Mail & Inc. Craig has advised global businesses, non-profits, trade unions and governments on negotiation strategy.