Where's my Wallet?

Those three troublesome, disheartening, and stress filled words, have had a terrible effect on most people.

That’s what I thought as I scourged my room in search of my cash-filled wallet about a month ago.  I thought I’d left it on the bed beside my own, but having checked on that bed, I was freaking out!

So, I started to try to locate that missing wallet.  I ran from room to room, checked every pocket in all the clothing I’d worn recently, and then went to ask my father if he had any idea where my wallet was?

Helping me in my search, my Dad looked all around, all while imagining the worst.  “Call the credit card companies immediately, because who knows who has your cards, and for all we know, they could be spending your money right now!” 

Then I went and checked my credit card activity on my phone, to see if any recent purchases have transacted that I didn’t recognize.  Nope, none that looked suspicious.  Phew!

I continued my search to even more rooms, while thinking back to where I was throughout each part of the day, thinking each location, if I remembered being separated from that beloved, now missing, wallet.

After about 25 minutes, I was exhausted, and I headed back to my room, totally dejected...

I looked again at the bed adjacent to mine, and after looking just behind a clothing item I’d recently thrown on the bed, I saw my wallet!  It was right there!  No stolen identity, no misplacing it at some location. It was where I had assumed it would’ve been, just a tad covered, making it hard to find!

That got me thinking;  How pathetic. Couldn’t I have looked just 5 seconds longer? Why had I given up so quickly? 

It is so very tough to really search in the place with the highest chance to find the solution.  I had checked, all too briefly, in the assumed spot, and then gave up. It must be elsewhere; I must look into every other possibility and assume that it’s somewhere out there.  Anywhere but there!

We see an issue in ourselves, a deficiency of some sorts, and automatically tend to avoid it at all costs, due to its rawness and closeness to ourselves and our inner conscience. We tend to find any other possible issue in the world to conquer except for the one most prevalent and in need of attention and nurture!

Ok, I’ll get personal.

When I was 21, I stuttered severely, or as some like to say, I stuttered exceptionally well.  And yet, it hurt too much to even discuss it, or speak about it.  So, as we like to do, I find another problem to go Beast Mode on.  I noticed that I was 30 pounds overweight, and I went all out on fixing that.  Being careful on every item I put into my mouth,  Exercising for an hour and a half daily, are some of the tools I used.   But yet, I wasn’t solving my core issue.  And, quite frankly, it was so much easier to do than to actually fix my speaking patterns.  I’d do anything, as long as it wasn’t speech practice.  I’d not eat carbs for 4 months just to focus my mind elsewhere, not on the fundamental issue that so desperately needed rectification.

And then, I had that awakening, and I needed to dig deep, to go Beast Mode (for those unfamiliar, that means to totally give it your all, not letting anything get in the way. Search on Google for “Marshawn Lynch beast mode” for a better understanding”)  I went away for weeks at a time, to a small town in Irmo, South Carolina, and dug deep.  I worked with a Speech Therapist who taught me how to deal with the stuttering blocks, and how to ease out of them in a smooth and timely way.  I was working extremely hard on improving my core weakness.  Practices like calling 20 restaurants and asking for their hours and what are their current entrees.  Going up to strangers in malls and introducing myself and asking random questions, to get used to using my new speech skills. I had hundreds of hours of therapy and speech practice. It was tough, painful and many times, the doubt that always plagues me, tries to creep its way back in.  But I try to persevere.

And, although the journey is ongoing, with many ups and downs, I'm doing what is needed to be done for me, now in my life.  Fixing and working on my speech. Every day. Almost every time I utter a word. Focusing on what technique to use.  How to soften up a word.  How to stay present at the moment of a stutter.  A lot tougher than playing basketball while “working out”.  It’s grueling mental work that is being implemented every single time I open my mouth.

We each have that wallet we need to get found, sooner rather than later, that we need to look right where it’s so tough and raw to search for, and find it.

I wish you luck in your journey, and trust me, it feels so rewarding once you find that wallet!