Where's my belt?

A light-hearted look ahead to when we return to offices for work

Picture the scene.

It’s Friday and you’re on the lunchtime Zoom call with the leadership team. Sat in your PJ bottoms, a shirt you wore yesterday, and the same socks you’ve had in the study for a few days, not sure exactly how many. Probably best not to give them a sniff test. You commit to putting them in the laundry bin when you eventually have a shower. 

Unshaven because it's nearly the weekend and you really could do with a haircut. 

Something the boss just said catches you as you drift off for the 5th time during the call. Why oh why do they schedule 2-hour calls?

Wait, What. Did She say we’re all back in the office on Monday? The initial rush of excitement hits you. Finally, we can get back to whatever normal was or is. 

As the rush subsides you are met with a wave of nausea. The jobs which need doing before Monday become a huge to-do list. 

Well, at least you’ve got the weekend…

Friday night is Pizza night, you’ve become quite the chef during the lockdown. Perfecting the art of creating the dough and letting it prove. As a family, you’ve made some pretty odd-tasting pizzas. Tonight it’s Pepperoni. A few Peroni’s to accompany it whilst the kids are still about. Agreeing to a nice Rioja later as you finish the remaining episodes of Ozark. 

23:37 a yawn and a stretch later, you realise you’d both fallen asleep during episode 6. It’s fine, we’ll catch up on Saturday night. 

Rising as you do on a Saturday at 08:00 you hear on the news that some pubs are opening for drinks on Sunday lunchtime. Fantastic, been a while since we popped into the Queen's Head. No run today, nor in fact any day this week. The fitness you’d begun in the early days has all but dried up. It’s fine as now we can all move about again, you tell yourself you’ll rejoin the gym and get back to it. 

Breakfast is a fine affair of an egg and bacon sandwich and a fresh pot of coffee. Calls made to parents and in-laws, you hear that both sets are feeling some minor side effects from their vaccine jabs. Agreeing to get the children to Zoom Grandma and Grandpa later, you put down your phone and think about putting away the breakfast items and clear up generally. No washing today, it’s a Saturday and the weather doesn’t look great for drying. 

The day passes in a bit of blur, a walk around the local area, and the streets are quite busy. You catch up with someone you’ve not seen in a while. They tell you they are also back in the office next week. Confirming that they will get their ticket on Monday morning as it’s not likely to be busy! You agree and say that you must meet up for a glass of wine or two in Covent Garden in a week or so. 

Heading home you remind yourself of the jobs you must get done on Sunday:

• Set alarm for Monday
• Put the recycling out
• Confirm the dog walker has still got a key
• Check fuel in the car
• Put work laptop and mouse in the laptop bag. Oh and your note pad and pen. 
• Put a wash load on. Socks. 
• Go and pay for the papers

And so it goes on. 

Saturday evening is all set for a fine meal of pasta and chicken. A couple of bottles of white wine and some TV ensue. You catch up with Ozark and finish the series. You both agree that it was a gripping season finale and quite a surprise. How do they make the blood do that??

Midnight arrives and you head up to bed. A restless night's sleep and you feel weary as you wake on Sunday morning. Thankfully the children have let the dog out as you snooze past 09:00. 

A light breakfast and you agree that popping to the pub at lunchtime is a great idea. You get most of your jobs done and feel quite pleased with yourself. You admit that going back to work will feel odd to start with, but we’ll get into the swing of it soon enough. How hard can it be? We’ve been doing it for 10 years. 

3 pints for you and a couple of large G&T’s for Mrs. B, you head home happy with a nice warm buzz. You tuck into a lovely roast beef dinner and sticky toffee pudding. Thank goodness the gyms will be open soon. 

You agree to share a nice bottle of Merlot and some cheese tonight, as you’ll need to be in bed early for work on Monday. 

05:00 and Oh my god, it’s Monday morning. You forgot to put the recycling out. 

As you shower, you decide to only grab a slice of toast and some coffee for breakfast. Quite anxious, you head into the bedroom and consider your clothing options. 

The first shirt found needs ironing. Ah here’s one, wow the collar seems quite tight. Trousers selected you are unable to locate the belt, which on reflection you don’t need as they seem tight around the middle. You then take stock of the fact that it was March last year that you last wore them. Ah, that explains it then. Probably shrunk in the wardrobe!!

Shoes are dusty and under the bed. Quite the morning so far and you’ve not left the house yet. You remind the kids to be good as you prepare to leave. Car keys, where are the bloody car keys? Oh, and where is my wallet? 

A search not unlike a forensic police operation takes place and both items are located. 

Out to the car you go, ah yes it does need petrol. You’ll pop into the petrol station on the way. No rush, as you‘ve got plenty of time. You pause and collect your thoughts, what is my pin number? You’ve not entered a PIN number for months, what if they ask for it? A 4 number string arrives in your memory 3341, I’m sure that’s it. 

As you pull into the station car park, the one you marveled at each time you went past during lockdown for being completely empty, is now full. 

Searching for a place to park nearby you realise just how tight for the time it will be. Arriving at the ticket office you queue. The machine out of order, everyone wants a season ticket. Under your breath, you curse and ponder, why does it take so long to issue a ticket? Are they all struggling with their PIN numbers?

Finally, ticket in hand you walk over the footbridge to see a full platform. You edge yourself up towards the middle of the platform, where you always used to stand because it made it easier to get to the stairs at the back of the station as you head for the office. 

Your train arrives customarily late, yes they never fixed that during the lockdown, perhaps they could have practiced without any passengers. Something like the F1 teams do in the pits. Your worst fears confirmed, the train is crammed full. Standing room only. You squeeze into a space in the vestibule outside the toilet with the broken door. A wonderful smell emits from the space. 

Was it always like this? Well yes, it was. 

Your arrival in town delayed due to slow running trains, you head to the office. 

The day ahead looms large and you get started with the daily stand up you used to have on a zoom call. 

It’s funny to see the folks in person, the ones you’ve become used to seeing in their hoodies, T-shirts, and on occasion their PJ’s. Most have forgotten that they are not in front of their laptops. It’s easy to see the ones who avoided camera time during the lockdown. They have overlooked the fact that their nose-picking, ass scratching habit is on full display. Even funnier than the nude Zoom calls. 

You yawn and struggle through a day of back to back meetings of various durations and often dubious intentions. It was again always this way. Today though you wonder how on earth you will get any work done. Your schedule looks the same as it did last week except for the addition of travel time and getting to and from meeting rooms. Those back to back 121’s will have to be rescheduled. That and the management team meeting looks to finish at 18:00, I’ll never make the train on time if it overruns. It always overruns. 

The day draws to a close and you make your way to the station. Fully committed to getting your emails done on the train. Nowhere to sit and you stand again for the entire duration. Getting to Inbox Zero will have to wait. 

Your arrival at home is a real joy. How you’ve missed this sanctuary, it’s familiar sounds and smells lull you back in. Your emails of course go untouched and you determine they will be completed on the train in the morning. 

Eating your dinner and enjoying a glass of wine, you are reminded that, your shoes need polishing, a shirt needs ironing, and where the hell is that belt. 

Still looking forward to going back?

Some things to consider in preparation for a return to work in the office:

1. Check your schedule for signs of over-committing. You've all seen calendars with little room to move between them. This works (in fact it doesn't, but it's what you've allowed to happen) whilst you are in one place.
2. Check your kit the night before and lay it out ready for departure. This one is a bit like when you get prepared for meetings in advance instead of turning up and winging it. Don't wing it, ever.
3. Buy your ticket the day before. A bit like confirming meetings are still scheduled to take place the next day.
4. Shine your shoes at the end of the day. As you would complete a pending task that will only take 10 minutes to do before closing down for the day.
5. Get your rest organised. Avoid alcohol 3 hours before bed. Exercise often.
6. Say no to almost everything and focus on what matters most.

What are you most looking forward to when the announcement is made for a return to the office?