#WhereIsMyMind. #TrumpFatigue and Other Mayhem

If I ever lose my mind, please drop me in Karachi, Pakistan. If my feet are in the air and my head’s on the ground, take me to Pakistan and call me a press conference. #OnijahRobinson, 33 from New York, used so many filters on her social pics that when she turned up to meet 19-year-old Pakistani Nidal Ahmed, he didn’t recognise her. #WhereIsMyMind?

She knocked on Ahmed’s door and his mom refused to let her in because of her age and frankly because no-one recognised her. No trouble to Onijah. She pitched a tent in the family’s front yard and somehow gained notoriety on Pakistani social media when she started calling press conferences where she demanded money from the Pakistani government to “rebuild” Karachi. She was enormously popular in Pakistan and the country was sympathetic and kind to her. She even had several other marriage proposals (though she remained focused on Nidal). Finally, after weeks of refusing to leave, Onijah (through her son Jeremiah) is safely back where she belongs, with other crazies in America.

I loved that story, but obviously it’s not the top story, because you already know what the top story is, and I can’t believe it’s only week two of the orange Niknak’s reign and already I have #TrumpFatigue. Dear reader, there are 206 weeks still to go. So, if you stumble across me wondering “where is my mind?”, please drop me in Karachi.

#KallieKriel became the most hated man in SA overnight. The head of #Afriforum lied to the USA citing that there is a white farmer genocide and that the government wants to take all the white South African farmlands. Trump said: “South Africa is confiscating land, and treating certain classes of people VERY BADLY, the United States won’t stand for it, we will act. Also, I will be cutting off all future funding to South Africa until a full investigation of this situation has been completed!” This was a post on Trump’s own social media platform, Truth.

You can imagine the chaos this caused. Ramaphosa, cupcake, retorted that SA is a democracy and has “not confiscated any land”. He also ended his tweet with this: “With the exception of PEPFAR Aid, which constitutes 17% of South Africa’s HIV/Aids programme, there is no other funding that is received by South Africa from the United States.” We all assumed brace position. Sidenote, can you believe all this happened on social media? Later in the week Elon called Rama and although we don’t know exactly what transpired in the call, we can surmise and it would not be a stretch to say that the ex- South African spaceman’s primary goal is to get a Starlink contract in a country without adhering to BEE regulations. Musk called BEE an “openly racist law” but also made it clear he hates South Africa and refuses to accept his birth nationality. I want a MEGA cap, Make Elon Go Away.

In last night’s SONA, the Prez (although he didn’t mention the nartjie) said this: “We are witnessing the rise of nationalism and protectionism, the pursuit of narrow interests and the decline of common cause. This is the world that we, as a developing economy, must now navigate. But we are not daunted. We will not be deterred. We are a resilient people. We will not be bullied. We will stand together as a united nation, and we will speak with one voice in defense of our national interests, our sovereignty and our constitutional democracy.” He speaks so well, our President, can you imagine if Zuma was in charge? At least we have small mercies. Even #Gayton came out to say this #Trump nonsense must stop. He spoke sense, the people’s president, he said that we have to be a great deal calmer and not loose our minds. This muted people like #Hersov who is, unsurprisingly, delighted that Trump has intervened. Eat the rich! Isn’t that what they say? #WhereIsMyMind?.

There are many reasons that the Trumpet Duet are after South Africa. Firstly, we refused Starlink, next we took their bestie, #Netanyahu, to court and had him declared a war criminal. And most importantly, and in case you missed it, we are a founding #BRICS state member who, as an entity, are ready to launch their own currency. Imagine what kind of currency a combination of Russia and China’s powers would result in. Try this trick and spin it, your head will collapse if there’s nothing in it. Way out, in the water, see it swimming? #WhereIsMyMind. So after all this hullabaloo, what was the result? #TedCruz said we were naughty Africans and #Rubio refused his invite to the G20 Summit. To be fair, we didn’t really care.

What we really wanted to talk about this week was SA’s involvement in the DRC. A unilateral ceasefire was declared; our boys are still stuck there and the bodies of our dead are still on foreign soil. We watched #AngieMotshekga sit next to General #BantuHolomisa in a brief meeting of parliament. As always incoherent and always denying all culpability she banged on about how we were “peacekeepers”. There is not a single South African that believes that’s true Angie, in fact the president himself was named as having “mining interests” in the DRC. Angie droned on and on. Bantu yawned and almost gave an eyeroll when she answered questions. He looked like he had a bad smell under his nose the whole time. Imagine the insult of Angie being the General’s superior? #WhereismyMind?.

There were other big stories across SA, Zuma was kicked out of court for the first time this year.

There was a school stabbing in Durban where two pupils were killed. More bodies are being dragged up at #Stilfontein (I thought they said that was over?). It’s an active volcano that place, but when you see us sending lambs to get slaughtered in the DRC, what do we care about foreigners stealing minerals? Isn’t that what we are doing there? And then this, the blatant admission of theft from our future elderly. #SARS came out to announce that they had earned twelve billion rand from the early retirement two-pot system. Now you understand why that was a thing? Gross hey? Try that trick and spin it.

It seems I’m going to be writing about Trump or Zuma for the rest of my life. Send chocolate! Deep breath as we dive into Trumpistan.

Ah, the sweet irony, while Trump was barking at SA he also did this. He “confiscated” land he didn’t own and “is treating certain classes of people VERY BADLY. Trump told the world that the USA will OWN Gaza. Clean it out, move out all the inhabitants to various different places and then build the riviera of the Middle East. Let me break that down for you in plain English that even Angie can understand. There is gas off the coast of Gaza. Lots of it. Way out in the water, see it swimming? This is not news to most of you. I endured Trump’s first guest to the White House, war criminal #Satanyahu, with a triumphant smirk on his face.. Well, you probably would too if Trump pulled a chair out for you to sit in and then tucked you nicely with your feet under the table. A welcome home. Trump basically endorsed and committed to ethnic cleansing and the forced displacement of Palestinians. When a journalist shouted out “it’s their home sir”, he just ignored her and told us what a terrible place it was to live and that the Palestinians are living a terrible life. He failed to say that the man next to him was the reason for that and that America armed that war criminal. Trump also made it clear that, if necessary, there would be American boots on the ground. Journalists scrambled to get comment from all key senators and personnel. It is fair to say they all have their feet in the air and heads on the ground, they’re are all upside down.

This all happened in the same week where Elon froze all government funding for aid from the USA. The US lost its mind at Musk snooping around in the some of the world’s most sensitive information. To be fair to Musk though, he did uncover some horror shows. Did you know the USA were funding the production of Sesame Street in Iraq? Yes you read that right. There were many other whoppers, but the good work was all overshadowed by Trump. I really can’t write anymore about how Trump left the Human Rights Council or how he got a golden pager from Netanyahu. Please don’t make me.

Let me rather wrap this up by telling you that #Beyonce has won more Grammys that anyone (including wacko jacko) and that Bianca Censori did not win the best dressed outfit as her and Ye were escorted out of the event for nudity. Way out in the water, you go with that nonsense. #WhereIsYourMind.

It’s the weekend! The ocean is flat here in and instead of swimming in the Caribbean, I’m diving Sodwana Bay. There’s a little fish that is bound to bump into me, talk to me. I’m Tonya Khoury thank you for scratching the surface with me and Acumen Media Management Apologies to #ThePixies