Be where your feet are

We all look forward to vacations, especially in the summer when school is out, weather is favorable, and travel is generally easier. But if you struggle with work/life balance vacations can become a nightmare. I learned a great lesson over the last two years from my co-authors Matthew Mitchell PhD and Jeffrey A. Kappen, PhD Their lesson, in a nutshell, is "Be where your feet are".

It sounds easy but in reality it is a daily struggle for all of us. One way to keep this in mind is to remember the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High where Mike Damone advised Rat on how to be more successful in high school dating. His advice? "Wherever you are, act like that's the place to be". Not too bad at all.

One time I ruined a vacation when I couldn't get work out of my head. My kids were young, we had a full week set aside, but I just couldn't relax and I feel bad for not dealing with it better. I felt like a failure all week - losing out on time with my family and not being there at work. It was the worst of both situations and everyone lost. In the long run, I look back on that time as a serious lesson that taught me a lot about my maturity at the time.

Below are 10 pieces of advice on how to get the most out of your vacations this summer, while also holding it all together at work.

1. Create the space for your vacation. This means engage your team or others around you at work to cover for you while you are gone. Mark your "out of office message" encouraging others to make decisions and be empowered (nod to Scott Hany for this tip). Reach out to people who you work closely with to let them know your plan to be away.
2. For special problems at work, create special solutions. When in the middle of "an issue", however important it is, find a way to cover it to give you the time you need for yourself, your family, or the important people in your life. Ask talented employees with high potential to play the lead contact while you are away.
3. Set boundaries. If your mental health and wellness requires you to stay in touch with something back at work, create boundaries or plan for a dedicated time to touch base. Just like you plan for time with the family activities, it might be OK to plan for a small amount of time to touch base that isn't a distraction to your vacation plans.
4. Buy tickets. I credit this one to Gary Scholten who told me once that he "bought tickets" for his plans for vacation time and activities. He had heard one time that if you bought tickets, or even made them up while scheduling time for vacation, you became more committed to the activity and less likely to cancel the activity. This psychological trick is as good as it gets, worthy of the "Thinking Fast and Slow" Daniel Kahneman-type heuristics to lead a good life.
5. Prioritize things. Whatever is going on in your life, be a prioritizing machine. I've spoken a lot about a "mind-map" in the past to help do this ((1) On Work / Life Balance | LinkedIn ). It's a good idea to always have a strong mind map for your personal and professional life, especially when planning for vacation time.
6. Digital Disconnect. Our lives are getting more and more productive with our digital tools. It's pretty awesome what we can do today with these tools. However, I encourage everyone to plan for a digital disconnect, including e-mail, social media, and computers during your time away. There will be time in the future for posting those precious pictures, so while you are in the moment, live in the moment.
7. Do something different for yourself. This might be pausing for 15 minutes every morning to be grateful for everything in your life. It might be reflecting at the end of a day and journaling what is going on in your life. It might mean going around the table during a meal and sharing a high and a low for the day. Try something new. Use the space to create something new.
8. Plan for your vacation. I once organized a family trip to Hawaii for 34 people on my wife's side of the family. We had a "into the ocean" day, and "into the jungle day", a "beach day", etc. Every day had a theme, everyone contributed to the agenda, we split up meal duty, everything was planned. We got more done and had more fun than we ever could have without a plan. Pro-tip: Plan for a little "open time" to allow what wants to happen to emerge. Some of it you just can't plan for until game day.
9. Plan for your departure. Take some time to kick off your vacation with a positive note. If you are going away from your spouse on vacation, send them a little gift to arrive on the 2nd day you are away. Think of reserving some surprise for your family on departure day to amp up the excitement. Leave room for a surprise.
10. Plan for your re-entry. Give yourself a liberal space to re-engage the workplace, take note of all the fun times you had, and modulate your time returning to work. Do something to remember the vacation. Save those momentos, those tickets to events, those pictures (maybe a picture book?). Whatever it is, cherish the moment, honor the time, and set your sights on the next time!

Thank you for reading?The River, and if you have enjoyed it please subscribe to receive notification of future articles. For more professional development material, check out www.therivercoach.org.

Please help spread the word by sharing The River with your network with an encouraging word asking others to check it out.

A special thank you to those of you who have posted comments to share your experience and advice. I'm grateful as these interactions inspire me, and I'm certain it has helped others in their journey.