"Where are you 'from'?"

Being asked “Where are you from?” might seem like an innocent question, but for many, it touches on deeper issues of identity, belonging, and the frustrating assumptions people can make about who we are. As an Indian American who was born in India but has lived in Manhattan, New York City for more than a decade and a half, my identity as a New Yorker is at the very core of who I am. Yet, I’ve often faced comments that challenge this—remarks like, “You’re not a real New Yorker if you weren’t born here.” It’s as if my years of living, working, and thriving in the city don’t count just because I wasn’t born in one of the five boroughs. But that assumption is outdated, reductive, and completely misses the point of what it means to be a New Yorker.

New York City, one of the most diverse places in the world, is a city that draws people from every corner of the globe. It’s a place where your roots can be anywhere, but you grow into the identity of a New Yorker through the culture, energy, and shared experiences of living there. The idea that you have to be born in New York to be a "real" New Yorker or to be born in the United States to be a "real" American is both outdated and reductive. To be a New Yorker is to embody the spirit of the city: to walk fast, to be blunt yet endearing, to ignore celebrities, to never make eye contact in the subway, to know that there’s no right way of eating pizza, to say something when you see something, to help when it matters, to navigate the complexities of a fast-paced, ever-evolving environment with resilience and determination, and most importantly, to have a dream and tirelessly work hard toward making it come true.

Sure, I am brown, but there’s more to who I am than my physical appearance. Take us New Yorkers, for example. We might come off as rude or hurried, but we’re the first to help a lost stranger find their way, hold the subway door for someone (even if it means risking getting stuck ourselves), or drop a few bucks for a street artist. Beneath the tough exterior, you’ll find a city full of kind, generous, and compassionate people who truly care about their community. Despite our no-nonsense attitude, New Yorkers have hearts of gold—our strength lies not just in our resilience, but in the way we lift each other up.

The backhanded compliments I’ve received—such as “you barely have any accent” or “you speak very good English”—are not just awkward; they are inherently disrespectful, regardless of intention. These comments suggest that there is something unusual about someone like me being articulate in English or blending into the cultural fabric of the city and the country. It creates an "us versus them" dynamic, where I am subtly cast as an outsider, even though I live, work, and thrive in the same city as those making these remarks, even though I am a United States citizen, even though I’ve lived in our country for almost two decades.

Instead of focusing on my place of birth or race, ask me about my New Yorker traits, and you’ll quickly realize there’s so much more to the conversation. I’ll tell you how as a true New Yorker, I’ve mastered the art of squeezing into a closing subway door with ninja-like precision, balancing timing and courage to catch that train—no matter how packed it is. I'll tell you how I’ve learned to focus through any kind of noise, from street performers blasting music to the constant wail of police car and ambulance sirens or heated phone arguments nearby. In New York, blocking out chaos isn’t just a skill; it’s a survival tool. I’ll tell you how traffic lights are more like suggestions. A true New Yorker can cross the street at any point, dodging cabs and bikes with the agility of an action movie star. It’s a delicate dance, but we do it without missing a beat.

I’ll tell you how as an always-on-the-go New Yorker, I’ve perfected efficiency, so anything that wastes my time—there’s no time for long-winded conversations, pointless meetings, or standing in inefficient lines. Our time is precious, and we protect it fiercely. I’ll tell you how I am completely unfazed by celebrity sightings: A-list actors? Famous musicians? To me, they’re just another face in the crowd. I’ll spot them, maybe offer a nod, and move on. Starstruck? Not me—I'm a New Yorker, and I have my own standards for who truly earns my admiration.

I’ve lived through the city’s ups and downs, worked hard to get where I am, and contributed to the community. I’ve learned to laugh at the absurdity of it all, embracing the quirks and challenges that come with life in New York. If you ask me about New York, you’ll see that my identity is rooted in more than just the place where I was born. My personality, my resilience, my hustle—that is what makes me a New Yorker.

Why does it matter where I was born if my entire worldview, cultural habits, and personal identity have been shaped by the very city I call home? Identity goes far beyond race or ethnicity—it’s shaped by lived experiences, personal growth, and the values you adopt in your community. I may have been born in India, but my heart and my life have been shaped by the streets of Manhattan. When you limit someone’s identity to their place of birth, you’re missing out on the richness that comes from their journey.

I am Indian race wise, yes, but I am also a proud New Yorker and an American. Our identities are not static labels; they are fluid, evolving as we live and engage with the communities around us. To assume someone cannot be something simply because of where they were born is to misunderstand the power of human adaptability and the richness of diverse cultural identities.

In a city like New York, where millions of us from countless backgrounds come together, there is great strength in diversity and unity. Rather than focusing on what separates us—whether it be birthplace, ethnicity, or language—we should embrace the commonalities that make us New Yorkers and Americans—things that unite us. We are all navigating this urban landscape together, contributing to the cultural mosaic in our own unique ways.

To be a New Yorker isn’t about the accent or where you were born; it’s about being part of a community that thrives on diversity, inclusion, and resilience. It’s about knowing how to move with the rhythm of the city, to embrace both its chaos and its opportunity, to give back when you can, and to stand tall when challenges arise. It’s not the place of birth that defines you, but how you engage with the world around you, how you contribute to the community, and how you live your values.

New Yorkers aren’t born; we’re made. We come from everywhere, but we’re drawn to this city because it’s a place where dreams are chased and where diversity is celebrated. Whether we’ve been here for a year or a lifetime, we belong because we’ve earned our place through shared experiences, resilience, and determination. There is strength in that, and in embracing the idea that identity is about what we contribute, how we engage with others, and how we live our values.

Identity is not a singular, rigid concept; it’s the story we build through our actions, our relationships, and our engagement with the world. Let’s move away from outdated notions of who "belongs" and who doesn’t, and instead embrace the reality that we are all part of a dynamic, interconnected, and diverse world. There is strength in that, and in acknowledging that no matter where we come from, we are all capable of contributing something valuable. So, next time you ask someone, "Where are you from?", please don't challenge their identity, but embrace that strength, celebrate their perspective, appreciate their passion, and build unity through diversity.

When we move past outdated notions of identity and stop casting people as outsiders based on where they were born, we open ourselves to seeing the true richness of who they are. No one chooses where they are born, we are all in this journey of life together, so let's make this journey easy and enjoyable for all of us. We can celebrate both our differences and our shared strengths. While I currently live in Phoenix, Arizona, with my lovely husband, I always tell people: “If I’m not a New Yorker, I’m no one.”

About the Author

Nick’s journey began in India, where he grew up in a family entrenched in poverty and domestic violence, and at times, he faced homelessness. His life was far from easy, but it was marked by an indomitable spirit and a relentless desire to rise above the hardships. When he came to New York City, it wasn’t just to escape the past but to broaden his perspective and embrace the city’s immense culture, diversity, and vibrant energy. New York became the place where he could discover who he truly is and redefine his future.

Despite not having access to higher education in India, Nick’s determination led him to something many would deem impossible. He not only gained admission to an Ivy League university but also worked full-time at Columbia University while pursuing his bachelor’s degree in Computer Science. Balancing full-time work and study at one of the world’s most prestigious institutions exemplifies his resilience, grit, and sheer willpower to carve a better future.

Today, Nick Gupta is a naturalized United States citizen and a Senior Machine Learning Engineer at American Express, specializing in Generative AI. His story is one of perseverance, grit, and the belief that no matter where you come from, you can define your own success. His life embodies the spirit of New York City—one where grit meets opportunity, where diversity strengthens character, and where people are defined not by where they come from but by their relentless pursuit of who they become.

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