Where worrying got me to...

I’m a bit of a worrier. I think it’s one of the things that make me a pretty decent business owner, father, husband and friend (no time for modesty in this life). I worry about how I’m doing in all aspects of life at all times and obsess over making improvements to tangibly move on from the worry.

The improvements bed in, then, guess what, I find a new worry.??

Sounds familiar? Read on I discovered a way of dealing with it.?

As the Tennessee Williams quote goes, “if I got rid of my demons, I’d lose my angels too”. If I didn’t worry and obsess, would I have achieved what I did in my first 40 years? Perhaps, but likely not. So, I’m used to worrying and, in a way, grateful to myself I do.??

At the start of the month I had a new worries on my mind. Mainly circulating around a trip to the USA and then my 40th?birthday party immediately after.?

The trip concerned me mainly as I hadn’t travelled anywhere since COVID. I also sometimes panic in crowds and just have always appreciated my own space. I was going to Boston then New York then returning to the UK in time (and COVID free) for 100 guests descending upon my party.?

Before the trip I decided this was taking up too much internal bandwidth - it was simply crippling just how much I was concerning about catching 5 flights.

The major issue being that there is a LOT of administration around travel right now and if you mess it up, you are simply not going. Equally it wouldn’t have been appropriate to keep the 40th?party going had I caught COVID in one of the busiest cities in the world. Some of this was in my control, some of it was not.?

I decided to do something I will in future do more of, called a?DAC?(Demands, Abilities, Consequences) breakdown of the trip.?

I’d read about this in the High Performance Podcast book Jake Humphries and Damian Hughes wrote, over Christmas, and thought I’d give it a go.?If you haven't read this book I recommend it.

The way the exercise works is to write down initial feelings about a worrisome activity then break these down into the?Demands?of the task, your?Abilities?to deal with them and then?Consequences?of the task not being completed.?

It was a really cool exercise as once it broke down I realised my entire plan indeed wasn’t under my control (for example I did not control whether I passed my PCR pre-departure test, caught COVID, had a flight cancelled etc…) but the parts that?were?under my?control?all circulated around one thing…?Being where I needed to be when I needed to be there, and being prepared with documents etc.

It sounded too simple but the more I broke things down and dug into the parts of the trip - I realised that was it.?I literally had to show up.

When I found myself getting nervous again, I just looped back, told myself I would be where I needed to be and I was 100% in total control of that.?

Even breaking it down into specifics around?why?I was in?control?(fuel in the car, backup travel plans from Boston to New York if the flight was snowed off etc, ESTA form done, VeriFly done, insurance documents etc). This became a fun challenge almost in trying to out-fox myself on finding something worrisome, and also uncontrollable, that wasn’t?controllable?by the above and then sorting it. Before long I was much more chilled about it.

As it turned out there was then an unpredictable problem on my trip.?

My bag was sent to Dallas instead of New York. Apparently the label got lost so it got sent to Dallas! I had to laugh with the baggage people at JFK airport (you’ve got to laugh or cry) and got simply told I needed to go shopping and little else could be done about it being in Texas now.?

However, I’d arrived in New York late evening after the stores were shut, and I was left without a suit/shoes etc for a meeting starting early the next morning. I was in jeans and wearing boots I had been lake fishing in up in Rutland State Park. My industry is sometimes casual, but these boots were literally looking like they could walk?themselves?somewhere!

Apologising to my candidate who I met the evening before I got on with the first meeting. This was a simple meeting just some food and a chat about the next day and some preparation. However I had it on my mind I needed to somehow sort out a suit for 10am with all the stores shut (The part I was in was the industrial part, not say Manhattan, where this would have been easily sorted).??

Mentally this was a concern however instead of panicking I just went back to my DAC.?

Under?abilities?- I was only away 5 days, so I woke early anyway to stay on UK-ish time, so at 5am planned that when all was said and done, I could get a new suit sorted in about an hour and just needed a shop to be somehow open for me at 9am, not 10am.

Again,?abilities, I just needed to show up somewhere and convince someone to open their shop.

My client was very gracious and agreed to move the meeting start but we had travelled across the Atlantic for this so I really didn’t wish to be over an hour later than planned.??

At 9am, again well within my?abilities?to do I rang around the nearest businesses, specifically suit outfitters and one chap happened to be in preparing his store (all the shops open at 10am/11am in this part of the world and close late!). He happily welcomed me in early (with my Mastercard!) and helped me out, in fact his tailor was in and as a positive, the garment is probably one of the nicest things hanging in my wardrobe.?

I made my all-day meeting?just 1 hour?later than planned, again simply arriving where I needed to be when I needed to be there.?

This experience will stay with me. For all the worry and concerns I had put all this time into,?the Consequences of a huge unpredicted problem were a single, solitary lost hour?which was easily caught up on in my clients boardroom.?

It’s reminded me that 99% of what any of us need to do in life, is show up, be prepared, wear a smile, and then get on with things. The rest tends to work itself out.?

Now if only I can convince my worrying brain that is the case about my new concerns!?

Matthew??

p.s. next time, under?Abilities... I travel in my business suit!?