Where are we, and where are we going?

A view from the cockpit

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it

George Carlin

So there we are at 35,000 feet. Your navigation systems pack up, the radio is scratchy and unreadable, radar is broken, you have been happily not updating your navigational log and all of a sudden, BOOM! You have a situation in the cabin that requires you to get to a place of safety/support/help as a matter of some urgency. But "where on earth are we?" Everything has changed.

Please don't grab your checklist or flight manual ... this article is a metaphor.

It seems that the world we left, before most of us were sent into quarantine, has changed. We are lost. Somebody changed the rules without telling us and nobody seems able to tell us what the new rules are. We are uncertain of our position. We long for the time when we knew the way things were. We hanker for the security and comfort of the old times whether or not they were truly good or bad. We start to grieve for the life we once knew.

But I won't cry for yesterday

There's an ordinary world

Somehow I have to find

And as I try to make my way

To the ordinary world

I will learn to survive

Duran Duran

For this navigational exercise we are going to use special emotional software. The Kubler-Ross model of grief. This is going to show us our present position. Where we stand both in a practical sense, and also where we stand in an emotional sense. Without both these inputs providing accurate data, we cannot enter into a navigational mode.

The original model used five stages. The modified Kubler-Ross model is like a navigational database update that gives us more detail and accuracy.

Each one of us will find ourselves at different points on this model because of our unique situations. I'm sure you will, however, be able to get a rough sense of position that will assist you to navigate to a place of safety.

1. Shock. Initial paralysis at hearing the news of change or loss. "I'm top of the seniority list, ace of the base, you were going to promote me, this is too much"
2. Denial. Trying to avoid the inevitable. "I'll write a letter to CEO. I'll put lawyers on it. The Authority won't accept this. The union will sort this out"
3. Anger. Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion. "I feel pain, anger, frustration, disillusionment, conned, used, abused, unwanted, unappreciated"
4. Bargaining. Seeking in vain for a way out. "I'll offer to take a pay cut, part time, work for free, not sue you, take a demotion, leave the union".
5. Depression. Final realisation of the inevitable. "Heck I really am out OR my job has changed so much (stress). My life is changing out of all recognition. The old way of living no longer seems to apply. I must change now. My and others future depends on me accepting change either temporarily or otherwise. I must adapt and survive"
6. Testing. Seeking realistic solutions. "Maybe I could: Follow my old career. Retrain for a new career. Become a business owner. Get a part time job. Volunteer whilst on benefits".
7. Acceptance. Finally finding the way forward. "This will work out whilst I push to return to my old job. You know this works well for me. I never imagined life would take this turn but its ok for now. Perversely this is probably the best thing that could have happened to me".

All of us will go through this process in its entirety, to a greater or lesser extent. How each stage develops for us as individuals, depends on how we choose to feel and act at each point.

As we move through the various stages we start to get our data inputs back and we confirm our emotional state/stage, our present position and we are ready to navigate. At this point we now need to choose a navigational mode to further navigate us through the remaining stages.

You can choose between:

Idealism or practicality mode

No mode is better than the other. It simply boils down to your unique set of priorities.

Idealism mode may not actually get you to your expected destination. It actually may take you on a very different course from that originally planned. This mode emphasises the journey rather than the destination. It says, living in a certain way and meeting certain goals can be achieved in many different ways and as long as those ideals are met then the system is nominal.

Practicality mode will more than likely get you to your expected destination but may avoid life changing experiences and achievements because of your focus on arriving at a specific destination. It simply is a matter of priorities and choice.

Your choice of mode may create large variations in your time and place of arrival but you can be sure that either way, you will arrive at a point that is safe and meets your necessities.

Our metaphorical trip now draws to a close, and we can review our performance:

1. We established where we were on the 7 stages of the modified Kubler-Ross model.
2. From that position we understand that certain processes and emotions may very well ensue. Forewarned is forearmed and when they occur you will understand what is happening. You will be kinder to yourself.
3. As we start to navigate we have to then review our priorities: a specific destination in life or enjoy the ride to wherever life takes us as long as certain ideals are met.
4. When we can stop and re-evaluate our navigation, how do we define if we are on the right track? By answering a simple question. Am I happy?
5. If you find the answer is anything other than YES, we may start the whole process again. We may find ourselves immediately at stage 6, or other stages, in which case you only have a small adjustment to make. In others you may need to start back at stage 1 or 2.

Wherever you are, whatever you decide to do, be happy, be strong and always know that you can navigate to happiness.

All power to you.

Robin Ferrier, as well as being an airline Captain, is a Life Coach and a licensed "Feel the Fear And Do It Anyway" instructor.

Available for online one-to-one sessions to suit you. FREE for aviation employees!

Robin Ferrier - One Small Step

Robin Ferrier - Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway