Where are we?

Who I really am, what will my life be?

I read this quote yesterday in an article and it made me think about the impact of the virus on each of us as leaders, peers, workers, parents and friends.  “I am relaxing into who I really am”.  Are we?

It happens to top executives, to coaches, to teachers, to nannies, to stay-at-home parents. It happens to high school and college kids, even to our kids in elementary and middle school. It happens to almost all of us.  We’re going to relax and restore ourselves during our “stay at home”. But somehow, it doesn’t seem to happen.  We are trying to stay at home in a culture built on "go, go, go!".

We are biologically programmed to learn and grow from the moment of our birth; yet the structured, formal learning we impose on our families often interferes with our natural love of learning, and also interrupts the natural balance of work and play that we are also pre-programmed with (Psychology Today).  Daniel Pink offers research showing that one of the great motivators is the desire for mastery.  So even though a desire to rest seems logical, it seems that when we stop pushing so hard, we don’t feel as though we are mastering anything. Life is just not easy.

Just as the current Corona pandemic forces us to reorganize our lives to combat the spread of the virus, it may also inspire us to think about our longer-term priorities and goals. Given the sudden and dramatic disruptions to our family life this pandemic has caused, many of us will be happy to get back to normal routines. Except those routines will be different because when we face experiences that remind us that we are mortal (9/11, earthquakes, 2008 economics, school shootings, etc.), we tend to be motivated to evaluate what makes life worthwhile and to focus our attention on what gives us meaning. 

For most of us, meaning in life is found in relationships, particularly with family and close friends. For example, in a recent study, they asked a diverse sample of American adults what gives their lives meaning. By far, the most common response was family, followed by other close relationships. In other studies, they find that when people are asked to describe their most meaningful memories, they almost always discuss shared experiences with loved ones. And in research where they examine different variables that predict perceptions of meaning, they reliably find that the more people have strong social bonds with family and friends and are invested in community life, the more likely they are to view their lives as full of meaning and purpose (Institute for Family Studies).

It is impossible to know how this pandemic will impact our nation in the long term, but I suspect it will cause some of us to reassess our priorities and seek out new ways to be able to support our families while ALSO spending more time with them.  Family and friends do matter.  We are social creatures.  Maybe, just maybe, our society will make some changes for the greater good.

Corona is keeping us contained in our homes—maybe for weeks or months more — and it is already reorienting our relationship to politics, to our communities, to our government, to the outside world, even to each other. Some changes experts expect to see in the coming months or years might be the new normal: Will nations stay closed (See Cayman Islands)? Will hugs and human touch become taboo (these window birthdays for grandparents are heart wrenching)? What will become of restaurants and bars?  What will the new social norm be for distancing?

This pandemic also presents us with opportunities: 

Maybe more sophisticated and flexible use of technology (has anyone else noticed how rapidly Zoom has fixed some of their flaws?), 

Maybe rethinking the need to “be there in person” (anybody ever fly to another city for a 90-minute meeting?), 

Maybe a new definition of patriotism that includes support (long overdue) for teachers, nurses, EMTs, etc., 

Maybe instilling a greater appreciation for experts (do I appreciate our scientists and doctors!),

Maybe resetting the balance between the individual and the society (it is NOT all about me), 

Maybe increasing the use of powerful online tools (and reform on things like medical billing), 

Maybe regulatory changes to make life simpler (a relaxed focus on HIPPA, or homeschooling regs, or the need for expensive college room/board/brick and mortar fees), 

Maybe a better and more useful digital life (who has not enjoyed the free concerts, free photography lessons, free Harvard courses, or free yoga online lately {ok maybe I have not tried the yoga}), 

Maybe improving telemedicine (I have really enjoyed 20 minutes on a video call with no waiting room full of sick patients), 

Maybe improving our woeful healthcare and parental care issues (companies actually experiencing real-time seeing the stress of child/elder care issues), 

Maybe improving our voting systems to be current with 2020 norms (ultimately giving more access to all), 

Maybe changing outdated social rules around student debt relief or medical debt,

Maybe rebuilding entities with experts not politicians around public health, security and civic liberties, 

Maybe rethinking supply chains, 

Maybe less hurried public dining and maybe more at home cooking (and it would be healthier as well), 

and finally, maybe more “with nature” activities - a revived appreciation for the outdoors and life’s other simple pleasures. 

In the midst of this crisis, we have opportunities to change the course of who I really am and what will my life be - for all of us.

Ii will leave you with this post on social media (with no author recognized):

“We fell asleep in one world and woke up in another.

Suddenly Disney is out of magic, Paris is no longer romantic,

New York doesn't stand up anymore, the Chinese wall is no longer a fortress, and Mecca is empty.

Hugs & kisses suddenly become weapons, and not visiting parents & friends becomes an act of love.

Suddenly you realize that power, beauty & money are worthless, and can't get you the oxygen you're fighting for.

The world continues its life and it is beautiful. It only puts humans in cages. 

I think it's sending us a message.”

We did and will wake up from this pandemic and we can make this world better from what we have learned.  None of us knows exactly what will come, but I feel it is fair to say many aspects of our lives will see some amount of rapid change that hopefully will affect some, most or even all of us for the better.

Together.  We. Win.