Where Resolutions Go To Die...& Why

Did you know most New Year’s resolutions are set up to fail?

Oh sure, everybody celebrated New Year’s and made resolutions. But how many can say they’re going to be celebrating January 19? Show of hands…

What is January 19 ?you ask? Besides my big brother’s birthday (Happy Birthday Steven Michael!) Why it’s Quitter’s Day – for New Year Resolutions, that is – as dubbed by the fitness app Strava

Okay, you can celebrate the first day or the second week of February. That’s when another study says 80% of people who make New Year’s Resolutions quit them.

Sidenote: The February 1st date was derived from a poll of 2,000 Americans. January 19th was identified after analyzing data from 98.3 million exercise activities. Yikes.

I imagine all my past New Year’s Resolutions accumulate at a place like the island of misfit toys. Though they aren’t quite protected by King Moonracer, who I think also can be found through a wardrobe… I’ll come back to this island in a minute. Let’s take a look at the most common resolutions.

The biggies – what we wish upon a star for

Depending on the study you consult, you’ll find a few variations among resolutions.

The two biggies are all about health and money.

Here is a list I’ve compiled from a cornucopia of articles. I’ve stayed pretty true to the language that was reported.

• Exercise more
• Lose weight
• Save more money
• Improve diet
• Pursue something career-related
• Live healthier
• Quit smoking /drinking
• Spend more time with family
• Improve relationships
• Try new hobby
• Volunteer more

These are all great aspirations, so why on earth would they fail??Notice I said they fail, not you.

It's not a lack of willpower!

Resolutions don’t really die; they get exiled to an island like that of the Misfit Toys

The toys of that island were unique in that they all had a quirk they believed kept them from being able to be loved by a human child. ?

My resolutions had a quirk. They were full of self-doubt.

Here's where it gets interesting. Resolutions don't fail and they don't die. They get exiled. By our subconscious to the Island of New Year’s Resolutions!?

Our subconscious is actually trying, or thinking, it is helping us and doing its job quite well.

Here’s how it goes:

• Change can be scary – it scares us.
• Our subconscious has a job of protecting us from things that scare us.
• It doesn’t delineate between real scary (snake on the path) and perceived scary (changing who I am).
• It gets its cue (“I want to change, but this is scary”) and it goes into action: protection mode.
• Protection mode means it will sabotage anything related to the change to prevent it from happening.
• No change, no fear.
• Job well done.

Yay, subconscious!

Think of a dog who destroys the vacuum cleaner in the two minutes you stepped outside because it thinks it just protected you from a monster. You get it, it's weirdly cute, but still damage is done and you're still left with a floor in need of sweeping.

The extra fun thing about all this is your subconscious is working behind the scenes. You’re totally unaware.

Ah, but you do have a part to play – in fact, you’re giving it tools to make its job easier. And these are the most common reasons New Year’s resolutions fail/are exiled.

There is one above all others that is the supreme killer of resolutions:

They are too vague.

• I want to lose weight – I dropped 3 ounces, yay me, I did it.
• I want to save more money – here’s a dollar, well done.
• I want to feel better – I’m eating Godiva, mission accomplished.
• I want to work out more – I did 10 more steps on the treadmill, burning rubber now.

There are more reasons than vagueness. Summarizing multiple studies, here are the most common subconscious exiling reasons. In no particular order:

• Unrealistic time expectations (think Rome can be built in a day).
• You don’t really believe in yourself to make a change.
• They’re costing you too much time or money.
• You’ve mapped the heck out of the course but never took a step.
• You have no support or accountability system.
• They are negatively framed.
• They are boring or ‘too easy’ so you give up.
• There is no definition/tracking for success and rewards along the way.
• You faked the first step. (Like buying a Fitbit but not walking).
• They aren’t about you (external pressure).
• Unrealistic achievement expectations (you can build Rome in a day, by yourself).
• You don’t have a why (it sounded good, I should want to do this).
• You don’t have a plan.
• Trying to hit too many targets at one time (lose 20 lbs, change careers, stop smoking & learn German)

You’re not alone in this. University of Scranton research shows only 8% people achieve their New Year’s Resolutions. Welcome to the 92% fail club aka the Island of New Year's Resolutions.

Why do we even do this, is there a better way?

There is something about the New Year. Many of us become inherently hopeful and optimistic. It’s a time of taking stock of where we are and course correcting. We think new year-new me, things are going to be better. A certain bit of wishing on a star, or in this case, a nearly 12,000 pound falling giant disco ball of nearly 3,000 Waterford Crystal triangles.

Sidenote: January 1st was introduced as the first day of the new year by Roman emperor Julius Caesar but it was the Babylonians who started the resolutions. They made promises to the gods (mostly getting out of debt) to earn good favor for the new year.?[History]

We feel like we want a change, fresh start – now’s the time!?But that’s not true. We don’t change until they are ready.

As far as something better: yes. an intentional strategized action-based results-generating goal-setting battle plan.

Conclusion

If you have abandoned your New Year’s Resolutions (or had them exiled), forgetaboutit, remember these two things:

1.??????If change were easy, we would do it every day. And be bored – and boring.

2.??????Goal setting to get results is a mixture of art and science. It is a learned skill.

If you’ve never been taught to throw a fastball, would you really think you can just stroll on out to the mound at Wrigley Field and start striking out hitters? Of course not.

In my next article, we're going to dive into goals and why SMART isn't the be-all-end-all!

How would you like to learn how to set goals to achieve them?

In February I'll be leading a butt-kicking goal-setting workshop.

Why February? I’m giving everyone’s subconscious the time to exile all the resolutions and give us a recovery period.

We're going to bet past hurdles, excuses, introduce accountability, and have a lot of fun!

If you want to join, pop me a message at coachingwithcp-at-gmail-dot-com and I’ll keep you posted about dates and times.?

Have fun with your New Year's resolutions. Enjoy yourself, don't make them heavy, and give yourself a chance to take stock in January for what you want to achieve.

Then's let's get to it in February!

P.S. Share this with someone who might be beating themselves up for giving up on their resolutions, or someone who made some that you just know they need to give up!

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I help amazing people get what they want from their career faster, easier & with more fun. ?Click here –?CareerPolish.com?– to find out more.

?All opinions and views expressed in this article are my own unless attributed. The humor is definitely mine and Mr. B approved, my dog who thinks I’m hilarious (maybe because I’m his meal ticket).?

#newyearsresolutions #goals #resolutions #happynewyear