Where Has All the Chit Chat Gone?

I met with a contractor yesterday and within seconds, we got right into it. I didn’t ask about her kids, her weekend, her summer plans. It just didn’t occur to me (and it didn’t occur to her, either).?No chit chat.

Let’s say you used to allocate about 30 percent of your time to small talk in any given meeting. These days, it feels more like five or 10 percent. We’re busy! We’re hyper-aware of going beyond our allotted meeting time (somebody’s got to jump!). And despite so many of us working at home, we just feel slammed. The morning commutes may be gone, but now we’ve got video fatigue, context switching, and a collection of screens, devices, and annoying notification noises coming at us. All. Day. Long.

Take me, for example. As I write this, I have Google Meet open, plus Microsoft Teams, and I just logged off Zoom – and I’m flitting between two computer screens. It’s the technology equivalent of changing trains in a packed subway. Just as quickly as I’m out of one, I’m walking into the other.?

I still have an “old school” (VoIP) phone cradled on my desk, with my cell sitting to the right of it. It's silent but my eyes track it every time it lights up or buzzes – I have kids. There are texts. There’s email. There’s social media. Then, there’s the old (and still effective!) holler down the hall from my husband or kids. So many channels!

What does this really mean for the way we’re interacting with each other in today’s environment? Is it a matter of quantity over quality? And if it’s quality we care about, how do we cut down to the layers and the pieces that matter most?

Texting, the new mode of business communication

That’s right. Texting. The thing we love and the thing we love to hate. Five years ago, and definitely 10 years ago, I could not imagine texting a client or even recommending texting as a go-to means of connecting. The idea of someone intruding on my 2-inch by 3-inch cell phone screen was unimaginable. It felt personal and intrusive. Definitely crossing the line.

Yet, here I am texting clients all the time. I’m checking in on them in between regular coaching sessions. I fire off thank you notes from my phone when I’m waiting in my kids’ carpool line. I’m voice texting content ideas as I make dinner.?

And it’s not a one-way street. Clients are proactively reaching out. “I forgot to tell you what happened in the meeting! Remind me tomorrow.” Or “I just thought of a new angle for… what do you think?” Or even more personal notes like, “I need a vacation! What’s your favorite spot?”?

It’s in these smaller moments – these snack-sized communications – that I find myself feeling more connected to my teams and clients than I have in a long time. The casualness of it lends itself to a digital version of water cooler banter. It feels like calling down the hallway, or chit chatting over a cubicle wall.?

So, is your client relationship ready for this next level? A casual texting relationship? Carefully assess! Texting might be the right move for some. For others, maybe it’s Slack or an email. It could be a video. The idea is that you’re thinking about someone and conveying that to them in real-time. Almost like you would if you were in person.?You choose the channel.

And remember, this is NOT about being available 24/7. This is about transforming a transactional relationship into something more meaningful. Just like you would form relationships with someone in the office next to you, you can nurture a relationship with colleagues and clients – in this new hybrid way.

Making the little moments feel bigger

I don’t have a magic response to our challenges in finding more time to make all these little connections. However, we can all be more deliberate in our attempts to develop rapport and kinship.?

Do the follow-through. Actively engage. Send the funny picture or meme. Ask how someone is feeling if you know they’ve been sick. If you and your client talked about needing a great book to read, send them your favorites. Share a link to an article they’d find interesting. Like their Instagram photo. Comment on their LinkedIn.?

If we were together, in person, we’d do these things. We’d comment on the weather. We’d ask about their weekend. We’d walk to get coffee. We’d linger after the meeting. For truly connecting, in-person will always win; it will always hold power over virtual.?

In the meantime, we can do our best to mimic that togetherness – even if it means sharing that irreverent Tik Tok video you know they’d love.