Where to Find Purpose?

Everyone, regardless if they believe in some higher power or some sort of science, will question their existence, purpose, and their afterlife. For complete transparency, I fall into the category that God created all life but I completely understand why so many are skeptical of this belief system. To believe in an almighty God is hard to grasp but ironically, it requires the same level of faith as one who holds the belief that literally nothing started literally everything. As long as I can recall, I have always believed God created life but my experiences over the years have taught me that I possess the freedom to discover my own purpose and meaning. It is my job to both discover my purpose and implement that purpose so I can truly live a meaningful life. Like most of you reading this, my journey towards discovering my purpose and meaning has already begun and continues today.

Like most young boys, I envisioned that my life would be one of great importance to mankind. As a young boy I didn’t know what I would do, but I was for certain that whatever I chose would involve fame, fortune and significance. I thought college would propel me towards a purposeful career. I was under the impression that my purpose would become obvious one day and present itself clearly to me. As I worked, gained more life experience, and aged, I felt my meaning would clearly identify itself.  Up to this point, it had not.   

Early in my adulthood, I learned a few of life’s truths from an unexpected death of a close friend. The first truth is that we are all mortal beings. We will all surely die. The Bible compares death to a thief in the night.  We don’t know where, when or how we will die but we all know death is both certain and coming. It surrounds us daily; we just don’t always pay attention. Unfortunately, this is the second truth I learned. “The siren does not wail unless it truly wails for you.” I learned right away that the world didn’t stop when my friend died. In fact, outside of his family and friends, no one really cared at all. His death, although tragic to me, meant so little or nothing to others. Life continued on. As I watched his casket being lowered into the ground forever, I was heart broken with the loss but for the first time I understood the truth that life was about more than what I was living. I was certain that our lives are meant for something other than becoming worm food one day. Life has a purpose. I didn’t really know what it was, so I just continued living in pursuit of my own purpose. I was sure that working hard at a career, falling in love with a beautiful woman, and having a happy, successful life would bring me purpose. These attainable things would answer that question and bring with it - happiness. 

I chose to coach college basketball. It was a career that I felt was exciting and very competitive.  Fierce competition to win games drives coaches. Like most coaches, the pursuit of winning championships became an obsession for me. I felt my worth was in my win-loss record. I felt my purpose would be complete if only I could win a national championship as a coach. I was surprised by the emptiness I felt when our teams reached the final four a couple times.  As I continued to struggle finding my purpose through my coaching career, I came to the conclusion that I didn’t want my win-loss record on my tombstone. After these hollow feelings, I didn’t know if the meaning of my life was to be found in coaching. 

Maybe my purpose would be discovered when I found the right person to love. Anyone that has fallen in love understands that it is a dangerous feeling. It is a journey that can lead to heartbreak.  C.S. Lewis believed that there is no safe investment in loving another and vividly compared love to vulnerability. He was definitely right. Loving another doesn’t assure they will love you back. And a broken heart builds walls for protection. Through their own experiences, most people will discover at their own time that their purpose is never located in another person.  But don’t give up on love. Never. Believe as the hopeless romantic believes. Even Plato believed in soul mates. According to Greek Mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them in half forcing them to spend their lives in search of their other halves. 

The loss of a friend, the empty success of a career, and a broken heart created self-doubt that I would ever find my purpose, and ultimately my meaning. It is easy to wallow in self-pity when life throws a curve ball and changes your plans.  For example, health isn’t appreciated until sickness, injury, or disease are involved. That’s why health and happiness will always be connected. The value of health will never have the worth it truly deserves until it fades.  What we take for granted can be gone in a flash. We all understand the discomfort of poor health when it hits our own bodies. We understand clearly the importance of health when a loved one is suffering from cancer. As one ages, health becomes more and more important. A lack of health or witnessing an individual dying are reminders that we are mortal and have only a short time to discover and live our purpose.  It is easy to feel sorry for ourselves when either our plans or happiness get disrupted. Unfortunately, it took me too long to understand another one of life’s most important truths. 

Ask yourself the following question: have you ever grown in times of comfort? It is a fact that purpose is shown through the challenges of life if we look for it. These challenges provide a compass towards fulfillment if we avoid wallowing in self-pity. People do not grow when they are comfortable. Life consists of so many happy moments. Like both time and health, we are more likely to cherish these happy times when happiness is replaced by grief and sadness. We reminisce of these happy moments and we try to bottle them up and relive them consistently but one cannot live a purposeful life thinking backwards.  As a coach, I can assure my players that there is often more to learn from failure than success. Failure always provides more clarity. That is life’s most important truth. The tough moments of life are there to provide us our meaning. Death and ill health reminds us to pay attention. Failures provide us laser focus on what’s important. Loving another, even when it’s lost, lead us to selflessness. Embrace the difficulties of life, for without them, you would never find meaning to your existence.