Where do you Rank?

I read this morning that my state is one of the worst to raise a family in.

I have a 12-yr old who was 6 when we moved here.

I run a children’s museum in this state.

And as much as I want to, it’s hard to argue with the ranking given my lived and professional experiences.

We say we value families, value children, and care for those who are raising and educating them. But we underfund our schools, frequently fail to invest municipally (and adequately) in amenities that aren’t tourist-focused, and refuse all things standards-based in the name of ‘deregulation’. We pay $7.25/hr when a 2-bedroom apartment rents for more than $1500/mo. Our transportation infrastructure threatens to make the phrase an oxymoron. 1 in 5 of our children don’t read on grade level in the third grade and more than 60% of our kindergartners aren’t socially or emotionally ready for school. Racial and economic disparities flow through this community just like the ocean does when it floods. Our families are food insecure, housing insecure, and mental health and learning opportunities are approached as ‘nice but not necessary’- reserved only for those who can afford it. I could go on – but I won’t. Listing issues doesn’t fix them.

Indeed, I can’t argue about the current state ranking. I also can’t call out ‘pandemic’ as the reasoning for this. I can say that the pandemic is about to amplify these issues, however, and I find myself wondering about reaching system failure and the opportunity to transform. We don’t have to stay here if we’re willing to seize the opportunity that is our failure.

After all, as Elizabeth Gilbert penned, “Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”

And I’m wondering about the transformation. Not to livable. Not to survivable. But to thriving, dynamic transformation that fights back against the growing weight of a community that fails its own people again and again, however intentionally or unintentionally it is happening.

In particular, I look at all the opportunities for us to embrace our children that we miss in our city every day. And let me be clear: there are amazing nonprofits (like my own!) with goals and roles around these ideas but most lack the scaffolding and economic power to ever do this on scale. They simply can't do it alone.

There are huge, systemic changes like child-friendly transportation for families that makes sense. There's access and support for childcare centers, both for families who need it for the first non-parental caregivers most children ever have, the center employees themselves. There's family-centered living, and nutrition support. There's supports for later childhood and adolescence not built around sports. But there are smaller things too, that together create a macro-wave of value and support...

Scavenger hunts, and pattern games in bus stops. Diapers stocked alongside paper towels free for the taking. Trees that give fruit in public places and edible gardens for exploring and feeding yourself. Polls with retractable jump ropes for play not just in parks, and gobo light and neverwet messages, poems, and designs that make going all places an adventure. Bluetooth-based push notifications that encourage open-ended conversations with children (or anyone!), motivational signage and not just ‘NO Xing’ (because all we see is what we’re not supposed to do), game tables on the sidewalk and in walkways; positive, representational public art. Shouldn’t our community be a place of joy and belonging?

What if it happened? I once spelled out an idea that encouraged us to use grocery stores as places to build early literacy and math skills for parents and children. I have in my head an idea for a traveling, augmented reality experience that is built solely around social and emotional well-being and regulation. And baby boxes for all new parents, filled with resources, that double as a safe infant bed for those who don’t have one. I want a ‘Random Acts of Reading’ program that models reading for parents too because friends, we can’t build up our children unless we also support their caregivers. Instead of constantly noting their shortcomings, we've got to give caregivers better tools to meet their needs. And much more – so much more in the way of experiences that present the inherent value in learning, and playfulness, and community.

What if we were all responsible for parents and children thriving? From conception to adulthood? What if we recognized that families thriving now means a better workforce, less crime, more success – not just for the individuals but for the entirety of this place? What if opportunity, inspiration, and curiosity were placed at the center of all experiences and equity at the center of each of those?

Would we still rank so low? Could we transform from our ruin into something different entirely?

I know our priorities would have to change. I know our values would have to change. And the biggest sell in this entire essay isn’t the litany of ideas that might make our home communities more vibrant, welcoming, and supportive: it’s the core idea that WE are the village and they are all our children. We don’t get to judge, cast out, or ignore. We don’t get to choose the setting, location, and opportunities based on our own beliefs. And we don’t get to do any of it benevolently.

I think that’s worth repeating. We don’t get to do any of it benevolently.

We’ll be doing it because high tides lift all boats and everyone’s boat deserves the opportunity to ride the tide. Period. No exceptions. Everyone.

In my experience as a person serving families who are struggling – but moreover – and more importantly – from my experience BEING a family who was struggling: your benevolence is nice but it’s your solidarity that matters. Because being 'benevolent' is often transient but being partnership means we keep walking together, I think that’s how we reinvent a community. We thrive only together, and embrace value for everyone. We create, and recreate, based on the aspirational needs of what could be if we just stepped up as partners in the adventure of living.  

Imagine what’s possible if we could do that.

Bet we wouldn’t be ranking quite so low then…