Where do Identities influence and shape Respectful Communication?

Have you ever wanted to tell your boss; your colleague, you think they are full of shit? Did you? Why, or why not?

Was it influenced by group identity? How much did your personal identity come to play?

Interpersonal communication is inseparable from cultures, from languages; however, there is a gap in most interpersonal communication training or courses, when Identity is not considered. And, further, when it is not considered as a complex concept, one that is both a noun (a thing), and a fluid process (a verb).

Interpersonal communication is inseparable from cultures, from languages; however, there is a gap in most interpersonal communication training or courses, as Identity is generally not explored across its many influences.

I'm working on developing a course: Respectful Communication: It starts with Self. My initial draft concept map showed "Identity" within the core of Self, and linked to intra-personal communication (see below).

As I've continued thinking and research, it is clearer that one’s understanding of one’s Self is always dependent upon the existence of others. It’s a constant feedback loop. Identity is embedded in self, which is embedded in relationship to others, which are nested within systems and structures.

Various theorists and researchers have identified this paradox. We are both a subject and a system; and subjects within systems. Subjects and objects throttling through space and time.

The roots of the word identity reveal the paradox at play. Identity and identical share the same history. Identity at its core means ‘sameness’; from the Latin word ‘idem’ meaning “the same”.

Each of us as an individual, exists within systems and networks. Various theorists and researchers have identified this paradox. We are both a subject and a system; and subjects within systems. Subjects and objects throttling through space and time.

To have an ‘identity’ involves all sorts of thoughts, assumptions, biases, beliefs, judgements and otherwise. Those were formed in relationship. In relationship to wider social systems and structures. These can span from the conscious to the unconscious; from known through unknown. Identities exist in a complex tension between what one knows and does not know (e.g. ignorance).

Identity, or more accurately Identities (plural), as they are lived, defined, transformed – are immersed in, and influenced by, ‘others’ (e.g. families), by institutions (e.g. school, religion, etc.), languages, and an interplay of many relationships. Therefore, identity and identities, are also inherently political – from gender and sexual identities, racial and ethnic identities, age identities, professional, national, environmental, and so on.

Identity, and identities, are also deeply affected and influenced across time and history. And, influenced constantly by technology. Take identities, throw in some technologies, and what do you get??A mess.

Within respectful interpersonal communication it is essential to explore and consider the impacts that systems and structures have on identity and identities. I've now placed Identity as a continuum across the entire social system that comprises the foundation of the course.

Some suggest the current age of rapid globalization even further embeds and influences the political nature of identity. In many parts of the globe, others are asked (directed even) to recognize the self-identity of individuals, from ethnicity and nationality, through race, to gender and preferred pronouns. And, yet, most individuals place their identity within relationship to cultural community, languages, religion, territory, and so on.

And most have various mixed identities. Myself, for example, what does it mean to identify as a white Settler male of Irish-Welsh, and Mennonite (Ukrainian-influenced) descent, with a Canadian passport (if that was how I identified). I know that as those words come out in a public-social setting, others will make assumptions, generalizations, judgements, and overlay stereotypes. It is human to do so, to try and gain a sense of something solid to hang our ideas on.

In that social political melting pot, is the opportunity for an abundance of conflict. Conflict navigated to create transformations; and conflict navigated terribly.

In this shit-mix of complexity, no wonder achieving respectful interpersonal communication can be such a mess.

The thread throughout this is that as mammals, humans are social critters. Our identities are intertwined in the need and desire for individual autonomy; and the craving and critical nature of social groups. Every social group contains a social force. This force courses through our veins; as well as outside of us through social networks - the capillaries of society. The challenge is that the influence of this 'social force' may sway too far one way or another.

Group identity is a powerful force – and also at the root of identity politics. How many folks can you think of that attach their identity to a brand, a sports team, a city, a country, their profession? Probably almost everyone you know has some of sort group affiliation identity. ?

Navigating Identities to assist respectful communication

Some keys to navigating identity are self-reflection, observation, and writing or drawing. Reflect upon, individually: ?

• What is my role and patterns within certain groups? (e.g. my family, workplace, friends group, as part of a ‘tribe’ like a fan of a sports team).
• Over some time, consider and reflect upon: How much are my thoughts and belief systems influenced by the people that raised me? By my colleagues at work? By the larger ‘culture’ I live within?
• How much pressure does each of those areas exert or influence how you ‘get along’? How you ‘fit in’? How often do you respond without self-awareness (e.g. automatic)?
• How often do you propose ideas or suggestions that run against the group norms or majority? How often have you seen the outcome of poor decisions prior to, or during, the decision? Did you speak up, or fit in?

In relation to groups: Look into the culture(s) of groups you are a part of; look with some distance– consider:

• Why do they exist?
• What do group-members say about the group? What do they say about those outside of the group?
• What are the norms and codes of the group? How far on either side of conform or dissent can group members lean and act before threatening their personal group status?
• How often does the group operate by group-think confirming their own beliefs and preconceived notions?
• How do group members downplay or discredit non-group members?
• How much influence does the group have on each member’s behavior and beliefs?

Being part of a group, part of a network is important for our survival as social critters. However, reflect upon the impact being part of a dysfunctional group has had on your own personal identity, health, and well-being.

Psychologists, counsellors, and other mental-health workers can work with individuals rather effectively to assist with mental health challenges. However, how often is that related to being part of a dysfunctional group, or groups (e.g. workplace)?

The cynical philosopher Nietzsche suggested "Madness is something rare in individuals – but in groups, parties, peoples, and ages it is the rule."

Beware of false purpose and bullshit within groups – it’s detrimental to your health. A way to assist that is to try and develop a sense of clarity on your personal identities, and how those are defined and influenced by larger social networks and relationships.

Think about and reflect upon your group identities. Ponder which has more influence on your decisions? On your values?

This will build a 'foundation to a foundation' for respectful communication – as it starts with Self. It will also support more openness to the complexity of other's and their complicated identities: individually and socially.

What do you think of this course in development? Would you be interested in taking it? Suggestions? #respectfulcommunication