WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?

I turn 40 in three months. I am not afraid to admit it, however, I am slightly put off because I thought it would look different. Now I feel the pressure and the motivation to be all the things I thought I would be by now. I lost my mom when she was 58. Her name was Kathleen, and she was the most amazing person to be around. She put off this light that just seemed to draw people in. She was my North Star, my biggest cheerleader, and my best friend. 

No matter what I tell myself her passing has changed me. Could I only have 18 more years to accomplish all I want to do? How are my goals different now after experiencing such a great loss? 

On May 5th it will be 5 years since her passing (yes, she passed on Cinco de Mayo, because mom loved a good margarita).  In that 5 years, I completed my first master’s and started/completed a second. I found a career and a path that I have fallen in love with. Moved a few times and bought a house that will be our “forever for now” home. I have taken up hiking and I keep pushing to learn and explore more. My girls are growing up at a rapid pace. 

There has been a yin and yang to the effect her death has had on me. On one side it lit a fire in me. It was an opportunity for me to reach high and when I surpassed one goal, to find another. It taught me to face my fears and be okay with failure. It has also taught me what it means to live with and survive earth-shattering grief. It has left me working so hard that I sometimes don’t pause to enjoy my accomplishments. 

Life-altering events change us. They leave us different. Sometimes they leave us better and stronger than we ever thought possible and sometimes they leave us learning to adapt and overcome new obstacles. For me, it did both. 

My biggest takeaways: 

Learn to recognize and be present with what is happening. I have to stop from time to time and think about where I am and where I’m trying to go. It takes intentional effort. 

Learn to put my mental health at the forefront, because it will only make me better in so many aspects of my life. Listen to what you need and move in that direction. It may mean taking baby steps. Nobody is trying to eat a whole pie in one bite, (okay maybe a few people would be willing to try) the overall experience is so much better if you allow yourself to enjoy every bite. 

Finally, learn to be raw, we all seem to fair better when we learn from each other. How do we do that if we don’t share our experiences? 

Mental health is synonymous with success. I don’t just mean professional success. We have all seen plenty of successful people that have and are battling some dark demons. Instead, think of it as a catalyst to a whole success. All aspects of your life coming together. 

I enjoy sharing my story with those that have reached out to me. I hope that they see my life has always been full of twists and turns and it helps them to understand that not everyone’s path looks the same. There are ways to learn from others and there are new directions to take. I encourage, not the absence of fear, but the ability to face it. 

Let’s talk about transitions…

My life and my career have become a more common and relatable story than it used to be. I am right in the middle of Gen Xers and Millennials. Generations that have been redefining how we look at career paths. I have worked for multiple industries and my job titles have evolved and changed. This has allowed me to learn from a diverse perspective. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying one way is better than the other. I am saying it is different and that both have their place. I want those of you that are afraid or skeptical to hear this. Those that feel the gaps in their resume may be harmful to their careers, multiple moves, or maybe a pivot into something new has convinced them that they aren’t worth the same. My transitions have led me to something better each time. 

Overcoming

The term I have heard a lot lately is imposter syndrome. It’s been around for a while, but I think we are all talking about it more. It helps to call attention to some of these shared feelings. How else do we bring them to light and overcome them?  

A recent Harvard Business Review article defines it well, “Imposter syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud. It disproportionately affects high-achieving people, who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments. Many question whether they’re deserving of accolades.” This article is worth the read!

Raise your hand if the above statement has, or still does, resonate with you? 

I see this a LOT with military spouses and veterans. 

Military spouses often have gaps in their resumes, multiple moves throughout their careers, career changes to keep some type of forward momentum or to find a career that they feel is more mobile.

Veterans have military experience they are trying to translate into a civilian career path they want to take. How do you turn bomb squad experience into human resources? How do you go from combat locations to board rooms? 

Often veterans and military spouses except starting over multiple times as the only means to success. They often become over-educated and underemployed. I know because I have been there. This can also lead to more stress and feelings of not belonging. 

There will never be a one size fits all answer to this. The answer is in the discussion. It’s the realizations and education.  

I have learned to reflect more and ask myself, where has experience brought me? What have I learned? 

My military experience has taught me to have so much strength and gave me a voice I didn’t know I had. On the career side, it gave me a work ethic and confidence. As a military spouse, I learned to adapt and be okay asking for what I may need. The passing of my mom taught me that I can survive and more than that, I can thrive. All these pieces have made me better. I might not be the strong, educated, and thoughtful leader that I know I am (I even have a little doubt writing that). 

Allow hard days to come and go, but don’t live there. 

Today I want you to ask yourself: 

What fears do I have?

What is keeping me from where I want to go?

Who can I call on to help me? (because a mentor, a friend, a coworker, or even a stranger with a shared experience, can make a world of difference)

Now tell yourself: 

I deserve to reach my goals!

My fears are temporary! 

I have people in my life to help see me through!