Where Did Our Villages Go? A Personal Reflection on Parenting and Support

This photo was taken 10 weeks postpartum, in March 2021. At a SpecSavers.

I had an appointment for my postpartum eye check—a small but important task. My husband held our son, while I got my exam.

By the time I came out of the first part of my check, my husband had gone in for his exam. I didn’t know which room he was in, and in that moment, my baby began wailing—the loud, urgent cry of a hungry infant. I could feel the pain of his cry deep in my body.

For mothers, especially in the postpartum phase, this feeling is deeply visceral. Our biology is wired to respond to our babies' cries—the stress hormone cortisol rises, and we instinctively feel the urge to soothe, protect, and nurture. And as an exclusively breastfeeding mother, I knew the only thing that could comfort him was me.

It only took a few seconds to figure out which room they were in, but those moments felt like an eternity. When I did, I faced a dilemma: The clinic was busy, and it was my turn to see the Optometrist. Should I stay and finish the exam, or feed my baby?

But before I could decide, the optometrist kindly said: "You take your time. Feed him. Don’t feel rushed. Take my room if you would like more privacy, we’ll wait."

That moment of kindness—those few simple words—meant everything. Though I spent much of my pregnancy, childbirth, and Bilal’s first year of life in lockdown, far from family and friends, in that moment, I felt the presence of a village. I will never forget this kindness.

This story is a reminder that it doesn’t take much for those around parents to step up and offer to be that village. Whether big or small, any help can make a world of difference.

It Takes a Village, but Where Is It?

Parents today face overwhelming expectations. Society tells us to balance careers, relationships, personal development, and parenting effortlessly. But parenting isn’t meant to be done alone. The burden to do it all perfectly doesn’t just burn us out—it affects the very children we want to nurture.

Research confirms the importance of social support. Parents with strong support systems report lower stress levels, improved mental health, and greater confidence in their parenting. Yet so many parents feel isolated, spread thin by the demands of modern life.

The “village” isn’t just a quaint saying; it’s a social necessity. Take it away and the result is that when parents don’t have support, they suffer—and so do their children.

• Burnout and Parental Stress: Research shows that parental burnout is rising, with 60% of parents reporting emotional exhaustion due to caregiving responsibilities.
• Mental Health Decline: Studies suggest that mothers experiencing social isolation are at increased risk for postpartum depression.
• Disconnected Support Systems: With families spread across cities or countries, parents struggle to build sustainable support networks.

Children thrive best in environments where parents have the mental, emotional, and social capacity to engage, nurture, and be present. But without support, parents cannot give their best.

The purpose of my work is to ensure that children thrive. And children thrive best in environments where parents have the mental, emotional, and social capacity to engage, nurture, and be present.

I believe the way to do that is by empowering parents and caregivers. But here’s the truth: Parents and caregivers cannot do this alone - need thriving environments too. The myth that parents should shoulder everything—while managing work, mental health, relationships, and parenting—is unrealistic. It is systemic support—the modern-day village—that makes sustainable, healthy parenting possible.

This is why I never tell parents to “do better” without also working on building their support systems. Parenting is a team effort, and my group coaching program is designed to help parents identify, build, and sustain those essential support networks—be it through better communication with partners, stronger connections with their community, or even developing self-compassion as part of their support system.

Parent education and coaching go beyond just tips on managing behavior— I help parents create environments where children can thrive emotionally and socially. And sustainable support systems make all the difference.

If you’re a parent reading this and feel like the world expects you to do more, be more, and manage everything on your own, I want you to know this: You don’t have to do it all—but with support, you can do it better.

If you're struggling to balance work, life, and parenting, unsure how to ask for help or where to find it, and tired of the conflicting advice coming at you from all directions—my I am here to support you.

In my coaching, we don’t just talk about parenting strategies. We focus on real solutions that help you thrive as a parent, including:

?? Building Your Village: Identify and create sustainable support systems to complement your parenting practices and lighten the load.

?? Mindset Shifts: Release the guilt of needing help and embrace the power of community. Asking for support isn’t a weakness—it’s a strength.

?? Practical Tools: Develop routines that reduce stress and foster meaningful connection with your children, even on busy days.

?? Emotional Resilience: Strengthen your ability to cope with setbacks and navigate parenting challenges with confidence.

? Parental Wellbeing & Psychoeducation: Gain the knowledge and skills you need to nurture your own wellbeing while guiding your child’s development.

Why This Matters: Thriving Parents = Thriving Children

Research consistently shows that when parents are mentally, emotionally, and socially supported, their children benefit too. Here’s what science tells us:

• Responsive Parenting: Supported parents are more responsive to their children’s needs, fostering healthy emotional development.
• Emotional Regulation: Parents who manage their own emotions effectively model healthy emotional regulation for their children.
• Secure Attachments: Strong parent-child bonds create secure attachments, laying the foundation for lifelong wellbeing.

Thriving children need thriving parents—and thriving parents need a village.

Take the First Step Toward Building the Support System You Deserve

You don’t have to do this alone. Join my group coaching program today to connect with other parents, build meaningful support systems, and take back control of your parenting journey.

?? Message me or email [email protected] to get started. Your village is waiting.

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