Where Did the Laughter GO? Seeking JOY in TBIs

This is a painful subject for me, for I am not the giver in my life these days, I must be the taker or recipient. The latter is the hard part, to ask to be given to, to receive, to ask to be supported. Acknowledging the effects of TBIs.

It is a somber time after Recovery from the impossible. Then the fall out: being Poor from the years it took to recover. It's a plague no one in America has compassion for. NO FUN!

These times are eased by my S?dé, an (Australian Blue Heeler). My Arabian horse, KlassicAmir.

And SimSai, my MELLOw yELLow cat.

They do not think about giving or taking. They simply live in the moment of love and acceptance.

They do not care what I look like, or how I feel. Simply, that I am around and love them dearly.

My Arabian horse, he is a Proud Arabian, who does expect to be taken care of! And what he gives me is, LIFE itself.

Simply by allowing me to be me, in my failures and deep sorrow, I do not need to be strong around him. He is there for me when I really need to cry, for life is really hard!! KlassicAmir is 1100 pound of pure muscle and power. He also is Prey for Lions.

As I hold onto his beautiful rounded neck for dear life, dreading another implosion, another moment dissipating the long hours of work, gone by the wayside. Dreading another week or month, having to live in our car instead of the once beautiful Historical Victorian home I owned.

With KlassicAmir, I am able to cry. My face is hidden in his neck, or his muscular shoulder as the tears fall bitterly, while not being JUDGED!

I am tired of hearing: “Your a Strong Person!” This dismisses me as a person. I’m not strong; I am very human - extremely vulnerable and frail; and a little bit scared! [Tweet]

These pictures (shown here) struck me as I moved through to the end of this day. A day where the realization hit, I was are no longer FUN nor did I do FUN things.

People say, “You’re so serious” or “she just looks that way all the time, serious.” Life has been serious over this last decade plus. I lost my infectious laughter. And lost 12 years of my life. Adaptation - Resilience!

People are right. The smile that glowed on my face, left years ago! Through a painful crippling injury and severe trauma to my brain. But (!!) it is over, I recovered my body and brain. It’s the laughter that did not return.

And yet my heart is kind and compassionate for others. My willingness to understand and continually give, is alive filled with mercy and benevolence, without exception; For Others! [Tweet]

There is no allowance for my being human, weak, sad or hurting while traveling this road alone. This is NOT HEALTHY! [Tweet] 

It was my S?dé who change the day, opened my narrow vision to a moment of happiness and play. Animals know how to play and mingle easily, no matter the circumstances. They allow excitement – bliss to show throughout their vocalizing and body motions.

As we pulled into the dog park (which has been often forgotten due to serious Mom), S?dé is elated with immediate smiles. Jumping out of the car, she is off leash and being greeted, immediate “nose to the ground sniffing everything (!!)" while running up to other dogs. Best of all, Pooing anywhere without a leash tugging on her collar, as a human says, NO go ovER HEre-tHEre - Poo ArEa!” As if there was a designate outdoors "label" poo station.

I forgot what joy looked like in life. (tweet)

Joy is: A simple jester in giving shoes to someone who has none. [tweet]

• When my Arabians run freely, kicking their heels – tossing their heads in the wind.
  
• Eating a piece of coffee cheesecake. Having some mocha coffee, listening to stranger’s laughter.
• A smile on a passer-byres face – a stranger who stops for a moment to recognize, we are tangible humans. [Tweet]
• S?dé plays with SimSai in our little room at our temporary shelter.
• The first 5 Robins pecking on the ground, they fly away in song.

Joy is simple, simple life's pleasures that bring a smile, an enjoyment of life which spreads a feeling throughout our bodies and becomes infectious to others. They experience joy in their way, this continues to spread, Naturally!

I listen to nefarious stories of harassment, because people with TBIs or any disability, are different to ignorant eyes. People are cruel when oblivious and insensible. It breaks my heart! [tweet]

And I watch the person, their face relaxes and the natural colour in their face returns. They quit holding themselves - physically together. Their breathing becomes a natural rhythm while their voice is soften. There are many more attributes I see when a person begins to trust, they begin an entire physical relaxation, from their pain and grief they suffer. 

The day continued as my eyes opened – reading about a group supporting survivors of Traumatic Brain Injuries. They are a happy group, coming alive. I’m wayyyy too serious with all the neuroscience-behavior studies and psychology of behavior. I did not check the FUN or HUMOR curriculum box.

Some people have happiness written all over them! You know the ones! They are HaPPy! Their eyes SPARKLE!

When looking at my baby pictures – one would think I was a child born in Dachau. Not one picture wore a smile. The most profound stern acetic appearance, donned by a toddler and through the years. Even my first birthday, as I inquisitively smooched, (ever so delicately) the small white cake in front of me, with one hand (cautiously)! Then glared up with another steely face, WTF do you expect of me? [tweet]

Over the years as I glance at the few pictures taken for those 16 years I lived with my parent; they are solemn and they make me sad. Those pictures were me, the now serious redhead! It seemed from the beginning, I knew, this was going to be a rough journey. The pictures seem to say, “Oh Shit, what did I sign up for coming to this planet?”

The dichotomy, I was a very sweet and quiet child, filled with natural compassionate, intuition/mammalian instincts; fearless independence. No animal ever struck fear in me, instead they were my ally, as they are in my adult life. [tweet]

I traveled many ventures, from toddler years in Venezuela, through pre-teens in Portugal and teens in Spain and France, traveling for the joy of adventure without an adult.

The gift was, ironically, í had a Mother who did not care about me! Gratitude! [tweet]

HAPPINESS IS:

Freedom to wander from town to town, or beaches and neighborhoods meeting strangers. Being invited into their homes, eating new foods at their tables.

As 6:00PM approached, that would be the time when I was expected to be home. Always on time, and never questioned about my day.

So today, when watching my sweet S?dé run around a park with all fun dogs playing, I saw happiness, I witness freedom, a release from Mom, that serious redhead who watches as a dubious reminder, Gloom is ahead. It is time to return to the fearless adventurer.[tweet]

I heard laughter, some complimenting me, on training S?dé as a service dog. “I didn’t deserve such accolades, it was what had to be done,” so I told myself. Immediately, watching the three people who offered such compliments, their faces changed from happy praise, to my awful seriousness.

YIKeS HOrRoR, I’m a “SerIOus PlaGUe! UGH!! Make like a dog and have some fun!

!

As Helen Keller stated here:

Truly, no one wishes to be that serious all the time, get a GRIP of HaPPInESs !!!! {tweet}

S?dé reminds me, it’s been too long since we visited the dog park, which should be daily!! FUN. [Stuart Brown, Play is more than Fun!]

Or when my Arabian, KlassicAmir runs like the wind, not allowing me the control of the reins or his speed. He is 10 times my body size, as I hold fast in the saddle, he gallops up the grassy hills or sandy arroyos. At the end, KlassicAmir bucks and crow-hops out of JOY, while I cheer (for staying on) and laugh. All a reminder: I’m not in COMpLetE COnTrOL! Enjoy!

This month of March, is National Traumatic Brain Injury Awareness month . It is serious, the effects are agonizing, nonetheless, there are still FUn and hUMoRoUS moments in life. Most of all there is recovery!

About the Author. MicheleElys is a Behaviorist – Writer - Speaker- Innovative Behavior & TBI Recovery Solutions - Reluctant French Chef - Equine Devotee.

Dedicated to Behavioral Solutions for the betterment of life. 

Connect with her on LinkedIn, G+, Twitter, if you want to know more about MicheleElys and some ideas and solutions, ask her to speak at your next forum. 

Be Yourself ~ Blend Out! ? MicheleElys: All Rights Reserved