Where the change began

My background is in journalism and digital media. I never went to school for marketing or business. The "school of life," as my mother calls it, taught me about business and promotions. She opened her restaurant when I was 14, and that venture put me through college and grad school. The business taught me that if you didn't know how to do something, or if there was nobody else to get something done, you either learned (fast) or did what was needed by yourself. Thanks to this survivalist upbringing I didn't feel defeated when, after graduating from one of the best journalism schools in the world, I couldn't find a full-time job. At least one that paid a salary I could live on. Of course, there are many elements to why I did not find a job.

I was not a good enough reporter, I did not have enough experience, I entered the workforce during and after the 2008 recession, traditional media was going through a rebirth and shrinking, baby boomers were making it hard for millenials to find decent-paying jobs, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. My abilities and the market's standing all played a role in my scenario, and I am conscious of it. However, bills still needed to get paid and I needed to put my degrees to work.

Thanks to using Facebook early on and joining Twitter since its inception, I "grew up" with social media. I convinced my mom that it was a good marketing tool for her restaurant. You know, to reach kids like me: broke but with enough expendable income to buy food we can't cook. I had managed the business' social media and PR for years, so upon not finding a job I figured that journalism could be used for more than writing news stories. I began to search for social media management work and it turned out that in 2012 everybody wanted to have a social media manager!

That's when life began moving fast.

I was hired at an organization that centered around something I love, travel. I was happy and could see the vast potential of growing the organization's brand and image, while also solving customer service and corporate problems, and ending world hunger- all with social media. I had it made. Seriously, as a 25-year-old former reporter with annual earnings under $20k, this corporate job was heaven with benefits.

What I failed to consider was that at an office I would be collaborating with people. No longer was I free to go out and about; to find, write, and deliver my work. No longer would I be dealing with my editor for assignments only. It never dawned on me that I had no experience in corporate life, relationships or culture. I knew how to act professionally but I didn't really know how to live the office life. Sadly this led to my downfall. Looking back I would not have taken a job that seemed so great, because the organizational culture was so unaligned with my values.

The organization itself and its brands had great social marketing potential. The team around me was made up of wonderful, hard-working and supportive people. The benefits and schedule were quite good. What didn't fit in this overall good situation was the new executive leadership that I failed to ask or learn about before accepting my job offer. Amongst many things it had issues with, our leadership did not believe that social media was an effective tool for marketing growth- and it probably did not believe I was a good person to implement it either. I was expected to do a job but not allowed to do it, to offer ideas that would not even get a chance to be implemented. While my immediate boss was full of advice for how to handle the bureaucracy, I felt lost. Why would someone pay me to just sit in an office and agree with them? My reporter self was dying to achieve something, and I began having nightmares about the worst travel catastrophes happening and how I would be able to support my team if our leadership would not allow me to do anything. Seriously, by the end of a week when I woke up in cold sweat at 4 a.m. almost every night, because I dreamt another social media fiasco would occur, I knew I needed another job. My mental health was more important than the possibility of earning a pension after 10 years of work.

I began job searching and rebelling, and pretty much earning a paycheck for showing up to work. Sounds great, but it felt miserable. Have you ever read or heard some quote about indifference being stronger than hate? Well, it's true. The indifference I felt, and that I imagine my company's leadership felt towards me, made me want to accept the first job offer I was given to get the heck out of that building. In retrospect, that job taught me a lot about fake motivation. Having big corporate events, free food or company gear to make you feel like you're part of a team is useless if employees don't hear a "good job," or a "thank you" not only from colleagues, but also leaders. My colleagues kept me sane, my leaders gave me depression.

Shortly after my one-year anniversary my boss and I had a conversation about something I tweeted that didn't go through the three layers of approval our dear leader had implemented. I was asked "why did you do it?" Even if the tweet was so dumbfounding innocent it still needed approval. I simply said that I did it because I knew it wouldn't get approved. My boss, one of my mentors in trying to shoe me how to live in our scenario, was speechless. At the moment, and even today, I laugh and cry internally at the reaction. Laugh because never in a thousand years did my boss expect that answer. Cry because I felt my and their disappointment. I knew I could do more, but I had failed to adapt despite the advice and efforts made to help me. My boss finally spoke and said I should find a new job. I agreed and said I'd leave in a month.

Every time I drive by my former office I still feel melancholic. There is still so much potential, and from what my former colleagues have told me things haven't really changed. A few of the people I worked with, who were there far longer than my one year stunt, are also gone. Others have successfully adapted to the modus operandi to survive in the environment the executive leadership created.

Overall, I'm thankful for the experience because it was a hard-earned introduction into what office life entails. Even more than that, I'm thankful at the crudeness of it all. The blatant criticisms, the irrational report requests, the obvious tension you didn't need to sugar coat. It was hard to work there but we all knew it, there was no pretending.

That lesson served me well as I transitioned into my next job and had to deal with everything being sugar coated, double layered in fake flowers posing as passive-aggressive feedback. It turns out, a lion's den has quite a few decorating options.

Perhaps you can relate to this part of my story. Have you ever taken a job, maybe your first job, expecting everything to be perfect? You envisioned loving your work, the perks, the salary, and even the retirement! You don't envision the stress, the honeymoon phase ending, the day-to-day dread of showing up to work after things don't go well once or a bunch of times. It may seem cliche but it's a fact that many, if not all, people grow to hate their jobs. Bit is this really only the employer's fault?

After leaving this job I really blamed everyone who did not let me do my job, instead of looking "in" to see how I could have manipulated or maneuvered the situation to understand our leadership or even get placed into another role. It is so easy to switch careers nowadays that I did not consider the alternative, and trust me the pension would've been worth it (pension!). As you deal with your current detestable work situation, is your mind is completely closed off to a positive alternative? Chances are, you will encounter similar or identical issues at a new job that you're dealing with right now. At some point you should learn how to deal with it instead of escaping it.

Moreover, if you've already experienced this learning curve of managing though work environments or new executive leadership "styles," what made you change? How did you change? For me, admitting that I was part of the problem in my job equation helped me understand that I was not alone, and that maybe I could have stuck it out. Even if I had not wished to remain there, I could have chosen my next job opportunity much better with a level head rather than an angry heart.