Where Am I Now?

If you have read my articles, you’d know that I survived a serious health collapse as a result of stress. I developed an autoimmune disease that I will have for life and I spent about three years recovering. I still get frustrated at times when I feel that I can’t do all the things I want to do. I’m not able to run long distances, I need recovery time after demanding work experiences and I don’t have enough time in my day. I want to share what life looks like on the cusp of recovery and it’s also an opportunity for me to celebrate how far I’ve come.

I spent several years in a health decline that I wasn’t aware of until it was too late. Then, I faced three years of recovery. So when last was I operating optimally? Possibly about ten years ago. Then, I was in the corporate world at a big bank, managing a team of capable and talented people. I wasn’t in my dream job but I enjoyed the challenge and mostly, the people.

Within ten years, my life was in a dire state. At the worse of my illness, I could not go out. My energy levels were so low that I had to schedule trips to the shops for toiletries. I shopped online for children’s gifts for Christmas and friends’ birthday parties. I shouted at my kids a lot because I was so exhausted and irritable.

I declined many social engagements that would be too much for me. Or I scheduled recovery time afterwards for a few days so that I didn’t spiral downwards. I changed my diet dramatically, became vigilant about what I could and could not eat. I ate every three hours, refrained from exercise and life revolved around my health. My husband had to attend all the children’s parties and he had to cook most nights. I felt terrible about myself, having ‘failed’ this dismally and allowed this to happen. I felt confused as to how I got so sick and other people who also had stressful lives, did not. I was angry at getting sick and I wished to go back in time to fix things and to prevent it from happening.

Fast forward to today. I’m in a new career, as a writer, enjoying my flexible routine. I get to do work that I love every day and I’m busier than I have been in years. I have so much to work on, that I created a roadmap to keep track of what I should be starting when and what income I can expect from the various sources. I’ve relaxed my diet but still eat very well and with a positive attitude.

My days involve preparing speeches, networking, writing articles and a few other interesting projects. I am struggling to make time for exercise but it is a joy to be able to exercise again. Sometimes I get to eat eggs on the patio with my feet on the grass at ten in the morning. I can cuddle my cats and feel the sun on my hair as I listen to the birds chirping. I have time and energy to fetch my children from school and help them with their homework. I’ve become a more patient person and I listen to what they say and spend time with them, actually enjoying their company.

My primary source of income currently is my book, Avoiding Burnout. I am starting workshops in March around the principles of self-care in my book. I plan to write my second book in the third quarter of the year and well as to release a deck of cards that is allied to my first book. These projects are so personal and meaningful that they don’t feel like work. My writing and speaking both bring me a sense of flow and allow me to feel great satisfaction from my job. In fact, it’s more of a calling, than a job as I feel compelled to share my story in the hope that it helps others.

I’m more compassionate now than I have ever been because I have experienced what it’s like to fight an invisible battle. I’m slower to judge people because I’ve needed a lot of understanding and help from others in the past few years. I’m better at asking for help and at telling my spouse when I need support. I value the important things in life like relationships over work. I’m able to be mindful and to soak up the moment instead of rushing forward to the next thing. Life feels full and rich and there’s not much I’d change about my current circumstances.

When I look back on this journey, I would never have imagined that I would be where I am today. I’m so happy and grateful that I experienced all that I did: the good, the bad and the ugly. I wouldn’t want to undo it for anything in the world because it took me to this place of joy. Sometimes our life experiences feel so difficult or frustrating. It helps to know that it’s possible to gain lessons and insights from even the most challenging experiences, if we’re open enough.