When’s the Last Time You Spilled Milk?

by Asha Dullabh, Clinical Psychologist

Let’s be real. When was the last time you actually spilled milk? Did you stand there, staring at it, wondering how you got to this point? Maybe you cursed under your breath, blamed the carton, or the universe, for conspiring against you. Or did you immediately grab a paper towel and clean up the mess without blinking an eye? That’s what we’re supposed to do, right? Wipe it up, get on with our day. But somehow, it’s not that easy in real life, especially when it comes to the kind of ‘spilled milk’ my clients bring into therapy.

Here’s the thing—nobody’s in therapy because they dropped a glass of milk. But people do walk in carrying heavy regrets, a sack full of “I should have done this,” or “I can’t believe I let that happen.” They’re living in the land of “what if,” and it’s exhausting. They fixate on the mistakes they’ve made, the job they lost, the relationship that crumbled, or the opportunity that slipped by. And the worst part? They’re pouring out gallons of emotional energy crying over this ‘spilled milk’ every single day.

The Real Pain Points

You know what they’re actually crying over? It’s not just the milk. It’s the idea that they could’ve prevented the spill if they’d just been more careful, paid more attention, or acted faster. They’re mourning the fact that life doesn’t give do-overs. That’s the hard truth.

1. The Unfinished Business: Clients come in, frustrated that they didn’t take a certain path in their career or life. They talk about the years they lost doing something they weren’t passionate about, and now, they’re convinced they’re stuck. They’re not stuck, but boy, do they feel glued to the mess.
2. Perfectionism’s Grip: There’s always that client who can’t let go of a mistake they made five years ago because they think it defines them. They’ll beat themselves up daily, as if reliving the moment is going to somehow make them perfect. News flash: perfection is a myth. You can’t undo the milk spill by obsessing over it, but therapy does help to unravel this past.
3. Regret and Self-Blame: This one’s a killer. People drag themselves through the mud for decisions they made when they didn’t know better. “If only I had done this differently” is a daily refrain. However? You didn’t, and you couldn’t have known better at the time. Stop trying to time-travel.
4. Emotional Paralysis: The fear of spilling milk again stops people from living. They don’t try new things, don’t pursue that passion, don’t have difficult conversations, because they can’t bear the thought of screwing up. They’re frozen, stuck in analysis paralysis, and it’s draining.

How to Stop Crying Over It

Here’s the truth: if you’re still crying over spilled milk, you’re not dealing with the milk. You’re dealing with control. You want to control the uncontrollable. The past isn’t just another thing you can tidy up with a paper towel. It’s done, gone. But if you keep obsessing over it, you’ll miss what’s happening right now—right in front of you.

1. Get Real with Yourself: The past isn’t a movie you can rewind. Stop pretending that reliving every little detail will somehow change the ending.
2. Stop Wallowing in Regret: Spills happen. Life is messy, and no one makes it through without tipping a glass or two. Accept that you’re human and that mistakes are just part of the package.
3. Learn the Lesson: If there’s something to take away from that moment, grab it. But learn it once. You don’t need to keep revisiting the scene of the crime.
4. Move Forward, Not Backward: The more time you spend staring at the spill, the less time you have to enjoy the full glass you still have in your hand. Clean it up, let it go, and keep it moving.

Truth Hurts, But So Does Stagnation

People come into therapy looking for answers, hoping to find a way to undo their past mistakes. But I’m not in the business of handing out erasers. I’m here to help you accept that the milk has been spilled. It’s not about fixing what’s broken; it’s about realizing that you don’t need to cry about it for the next ten years. You can still live, and thrive, and grow.

So, when’s the last time you spilled milk? And more importantly, are you still crying over it? If so, it’s time to start living again.