#WhenIWas15

When I was 15, I wanted to be a poet who supported myself as “a fashion writer.” I have no idea what I thought a fashion writer did.

Go to couture shows? Shop and write about it? How did I think I’d be able to make a living toggling between confessional poetry and fashion writing? But that was my dream and in order to pursue it, I worked diligently on fashion related articles for my school newspaper (6 ways to wear a tube top! Flip flops: a guide!) and also pursued the goal of an internship at Teen Vogue magazine. Amy Astley, the then editor and an incredible human, had seen a few comics I had made for a short-lived stint publishing my work in Seventeen (Judy’s World was about a girl with exactly my life named Judy. I used it as an excuse to get popular boys to pose for me so I could sketch them.) Amy did me one better and made me a “contributing editor” at the magazine. There was a squad of us, all under eighteen, weighing in on the issues of the day- Ritalin, hookup culture, Juicy Couture.

I felt deeply cool and official. The summer between freshman and sophomore year of college Amy gave me the chance to work in the fashion closet, which I quickly realized I 100% hated. I was chubby, awkward and not necessarily the best fit- literally and figuratively- for that space. Amy saw that quickly but also noticed that I had taken to her two very special daughters when they came into the office. They were funny adorable weirdos and I could play with them for hours without getting distracted. Through the rest of college and the two years after I made my living babysitting those amazing girls and it was this gig that allowed me to immerse myself in the downtown independent film community, offer my services to other filmmakers free of charge and ultimately make the feature-length narrative that started my career.

Now I get to write for Vogue magazine (though it’s not about clothes) and I thank my lucky stars every day I decided I wanted to be a “fashion writer” even though I didn’t know what that meant.