When You’re Wrong, Admit It, Own It, Fix It

In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie shared some time-tested wisdom, “If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.” But when we shift from personal interactions to the complexity that comes with business relations, Carnegie’s advice, while foundational, is only the starting point.

Imagine you’re at your favorite restaurant. You’ve been looking forward to this meal all week, but when it arrives, it's not what you ordered. The server, upon realizing the mistake, promptly admits the error. That’s good, right? But if the story ends there, with an apology and nothing more, your night is still ruined. Here's where Carnegie’s advice needs a little extension. In business, as in life, it’s not just about owning your mistakes; it’s about fixing them, too.

The idea for this week’s post was sparked by insights from Dr. Robert Cialdini, the leading expert when it comes to the science of influence. Cialdini teaches that acknowledging errors openly strengthens trust. More importantly, he emphasizes that when mistakes are seen as internal issues rather than external mishaps, they present an opportunity for resolution and positive influence. This approach not only salvages customer relationships but often enhances them.

His insights caused me to reflect on a fascinating study I stumbled upon years ago. The study highlighted a counterintuitive truth about mistakes. Restaurant guests who encountered problems with their service (like delayed orders or cold meals) but saw their issue resolved satisfactorily, rated their dining experience higher than those who’s dining experience went exactly as it should. How could that be?

The servers who admitted to the slip-ups, and then worked to correct them, were viewed as more trustworthy and caring. This act of taking responsibility and correcting the mistake triggered the principle of reciprocity. Customers responded to the extra efforts from servers to rectify the situation with greater understanding and appreciation, often translating into higher satisfaction scores and loyalty.

So, let’s build on Carnegie’s foundation with a three-step strategy for those times when things don’t go as they should:

Admit It: When you’re wrong, say so. This initial admission is crucial for establishing trust. It shows you’re human and capable of self-reflection. Without this step you cannot get to the next step.

Own It: Take responsibility without shifting the blame to external factors. This demonstrates control and capability, suggesting that you’re not only aware of the problem but also in a position to fix it.

Fix It: Act decisively to rectify the mistake to the customer’s satisfaction. This is where the principle of reciprocity shines. By going above and beyond to correct an error, you lay the groundwork for a stronger, more positive relationship with your customer.

Employing this approach turns potential negatives into powerful positives. It leverages the principles of authority, by demonstrating expertise and responsibility, and reciprocity, by ensuring the customer feels valued and respected.

In your quest to influence ethically and effectively, never forget that mistakes, while inevitable, are not the end of the story. They’re opportunities to demonstrate your commitment to your values and to the people you serve. By admitting, owning, and fixing your errors, you not only salvage potentially lost customers but can actually emerge stronger and more respected than before.

I invite you to reflect on your approach to handling mistakes. How can you integrate these principles into your communication and business strategies? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

Edited by ChatGPT

Brian Ahearn

Brian Ahearn is the Chief Influence Officer at Influence PEOPLE and a faculty member at the Cialdini Institute.

An author, TEDx speaker, international trainer, coach, and consultant, Brian helps clients apply influence in everyday situations to boost results.

As one of only a dozen Cialdini Method Certified Trainers in the world, Brian was personally trained and endorsed by Robert Cialdini, Ph.D., the most cited living social psychologist on the science of ethical influence.

Brian’s first book, Influence PEOPLE, was named one of the 100 Best Influence Books of All Time by Book Authority. His follow-up, Persuasive Selling for Relationship Driven Insurance Agents, was an Amazon new release bestseller. His latest book, The Influencer: Secrets to Success and Happiness, is a business parable designed to teach you how to use influence at home and the office.

Brian’s LinkedIn courses on persuasive selling and coaching have been viewed by more than 700,000 people around the world. His TEDx Talk on pre-suasion has more than a million views!