When You’re Down on Your Team, Flip Your Script

When you’re a leader—whether in the C-suite or as the head of a department or project team—the level of positivity you bring to your people every day sets the underlying tone for how members feel about their role and contribution. As much as I try to remember to always bring optimism and my best thoughts of each member of my team, I’m human, and I get caught up—mired even—in negative thoughts (then actions) that do no one any good.

I even shot a Facebook Live video to motivate myself, and others, to “flip the script” on those negative thoughts.

Let’s pause for a moment on that “human” part. Natural selection played a part in cementing our negativity bias.  When being eaten by a bigger, stronger and faster predator was a regular occurrence, a healthy level of suspicion and fear of the worst was needed for basic survival.  To this day, we humans process negative emotions different from positive ones. Situated on opposite sides of the prefrontal cortex, the human brain requires more thinking to process negative emotions and events—meaning we literally spend more time thinking about bad things just to understand and react to them. This is why, even though most agree that negativity and fear now creates more harm than good, we so easily fall into the trap.

So how do you shift to a more positive perspective? 

Be aware of negative thoughts.

You don’t have to be all strutting-Leo all the time, but you can shift out of a negative space simply by becoming aware of where your thoughts are taking you. For example, if you are telling yourself that a person on your team is unproductive, annoying, and destructive, well, those thoughts are likely taking you into a downward spiral that will lower the energy in the room. Remind yourself of the positive aspects of this person’s talent or contribution, and focus more on creating opportunities for that talent to be applied.  If you can’t think of anything, honestly, then enlist another member of your team to brainstorm ideas for putting that person back on track, or schedule time to talk one-on-one with that person and ask them for feedback about your leadership. Yes, you read that right. By asking for feedback, you may gain a new perspective on how your leadership lands—and it may start a conversation that brings a surprisingly positive outcome for you and your under-performing team member.

Find a neutral response.

If, try as you might, you cannot shift to a positive space, and you can feel yourself clinging to your negative point of view, try getting to at least neutral. If someone has triggered you, a good way to remove the emotional grip of someone’s response is to view the situation or relationship from a third-person perspective. Pretend you’re a sociologist observing and evaluating two strangers in whom you have a vested interest in having a breakthrough in the way they relate or collaborate. Once out of your head you broaden your perspective, making it easier to come up with ways to calmly identify positive actions to take instead of defaulting to blame and judgment.

Finally, validate good outcomes.

Positive reinforcement creates positive outcomes. Not just because people respond better to praise than criticism, but also because reinforcing what works creates an upward spiral of motivation and fulfillment. When you stamp actions and practices as “good,” you signal to others on the team that those actions and practices should be adopted. Negative reinforcement, by contrast, is by nature backward-facing. It rehashes the mistakes that were made in an attempt to eliminate them, but without offering alternatives, you’re still blind as to the proper way forward. Just because you don’t make the same mistake twice doesn’t mean you won’t find new ones to make. Instead, by validating, celebrating and, whenever applicable, codifying the process that led to the preferred outcome, you create new tools to use in the future.

Evolution made us wary and fearful as a survival mechanism, but evolution also gave us the ability to think critically and analytically to gauge responses appropriate to each new situation. Each day offers many opportunities to steer yourself out of fear or skepticism and toward a positive recognition or outcome. Make a commitment to yourself and your team that your goal is to build on the best of what you collectively contribute. Minimize the thoughts that take you off course and into a downward spiral. Teams are only as positive and motivated as their leaders, and when you come to your role intending to focus on what is working, what is functional and productive, you’ll find your team much more ready to meet you there.

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