When Your Spouse Just Doesn’t Get It

Have you ever had one of those moments when your spouse says something, and you just stop and think, "Do they even know what I actually do all day?"

Maybe they ask, "Why are you so tired? You just sit at a desk all day," or they casually say, "Can’t you just leave work at work?" And suddenly, your frustration bubbles up.

I get it. As a CPA in public accounting for over 35 years, I know what it’s like to carry the mental weight of deadlines, clients, and the never-ending pressure to get everything right. And I also know what it’s like when your spouse doesn’t fully understand what that feels like.?

It’s not that they don’t care—they just don’t see all the little decisions, stressors, and responsibilities constantly running through your brain.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not frustrating. Some days, you just want them to get it. To understand why you come home exhausted, why your mind is still racing long after you log off, or why you need a moment to breathe before jumping into dinner and housework.

So what do you do when the person you love most doesn’t quite understand the mental load you carry?? Let’s start with the frustration of feeling misunderstood.

Why Feeling Misunderstood Is So Frustrating

There’s nothing worse than coming home drained from a long day, hoping for a little understanding, and instead feeling completely unheard. You try to explain why you’re overwhelmed, but your spouse just doesn’t seem to get it. Maybe they change the subject, shrug it off, or say something like, "It’s just work, don’t let it bother you so much."

And that’s when the frustration kicks inn. You’re not asking them to solve anything—you just want them to understand. But instead, you feel stuck in a cycle: you explain, they don’t get it, you get frustrated, and they get confused about why you’re upset.

Over time, you might even stop talking about work altogether, but the resentment lingers. And here’s the tricky part—your brain is wired to seek connection. When you feel misunderstood, it registers as a problem, making the disconnect feel even bigger than it actually is.

So what can you do when your spouse doesn’t get it?? Let’s explore that next.

What to Do When Your Spouse Just Doesn’t Get It

The hard truth is that your spouse may never fully get what it’s like to be an accountant. And that’s okay. They don’t need to understand every detail of your job to support you.

Instead of hoping they’ll magically "get it," shift your focus to what you actually need. Do you need space when you get home? Do you need them to listen without trying to fix anything? Do you need a hug and a moment of quiet before talking about your day?

Most of the time, non-accountant spouses aren’t trying to be dismissive—they just don’t know what would actually help. If you don’t tell them, they’ll keep guessing (and probably guessing wrong).

Another helpful approach is to make it relatable. Instead of saying, "Tax season is overwhelming," try saying something like, "Imagine trying to solve a massive puzzle with missing pieces while people are rushing you to finish—it feels like that." A little perspective shift goes a long way.

So how does this actually work in real life? Let’s look at a real example of what happens when you make this shift.

Making Life Easier, One Conversation at a Time

I once coached a CPA who was completely drained by work, only to come home and hear her husband say, "Why are you so stressed? Just don’t think about work when you’re home." It drove her nuts. She felt dismissed, frustrated, and stuck.

After weeks of tension, she reached out to me to work together.? She learned about how her brain works and how it was getting in the way, and she also tried something different—she told him exactly what she needed. Ten minutes alone when she got home. A hug instead of advice. No work talk unless she brought it up.

And guess what? He wasn’t ignoring her stress—he just needed a clear way to support her. The moment she told him what actually helped, everything changed.

She was able to feel more at peace at home and more connected with her spouse.? It wasn’t that he didn’t care - he just didn’t know what she needed.

So, if you’ve been feeling like your spouse just doesn’t get it, maybe the real shift isn’t in making them understand—it’s in getting clear about what you need and letting them know.?

Because at the end of the day, they don’t have to know what debits and credits are to be there for you. They just need to know how to make your life a little easier—and that starts with you telling them.

If you worked hard to become an accountant, but find it challenging to be one, schedule a free 30-minute call with me at https://thesmarteraccountant.com/calendar/.? I’ll help you see how to become a Smarter Accountant.

If you’re interested in becoming a Smarter Accountant, you can take The Smarter Accountant Quiz at www.thesmarteraccountant.com.??

If you want to learn more about when your spouse just doesn’t get it, check out this episode of The Smarter Accountant Podcast ?? https://thesmarteraccountant.com/when-your-spouse-just-doesnt-get-it/

You can also download The Smarter Accountant Podcast Guide at https://thesmarteraccountant.com/podcast-guide/

You can download The NEW Smarter Accountant Tax Season Survival Checklist at https://thesmarteraccountant.com/survival-checklist/?