When Your Self-Worth is Tied to What Others Say About You (E24)

Most people focus on constantly pushing themselves to be more and do more so they’ll have some reason they can point to, to be proud of themselves. But, that never lasts because it’s a band-aid solution, and they end up judging themselves and going through this cycle over and over. In The 21 Days to Get Unstuck Experience, I walk through a few ways to stop this cycle, but I'm sharing my favorite way in this article, so I don't overwhelm you.

Finding Your Capital-S Self

At the core of our being lies the capital-S Self – the true, authentic version of ourselves. This Self is characterized by qualities such as love, peace, joy, and confidence. It represents the wholeness and fulfillment we all yearn for. However, throughout our lives, we develop various parts within ourselves, such as the inner critic or the part that feels shame or guilt. These parts were created during childhood as a means of self-protection, but they can hinder our personal growth and self-esteem.

Acknowledging and Integrating Your Parts

These inner parts play a powerful role. When my inner critic whispers that I should just give up, it's like a safety mechanism kicking in. If I heed its advice, I stay within my comfort zone, shielded from failure. If I challenge it and push forward, I might make progress, yet it often feels exhausting and overwhelming because that part wasn't on board. This internal conflict creates a split in my energy, leaving me drained and my self-worth shaken. So, it's crucial to integrate these fragmented parts to regain balance and resilience.

To overcome this cycle of self-judgment and insecurity, it is essential to recognize and integrate these different parts of ourselves. Start by simply noticing them without judgment or criticism. Identify the parts that make up your inner landscape – the critic, the procrastinator, the inner child, and any others that resonate with you. Awareness is the first step towards integration.

Embracing Compassion and Understanding

Once you have identified these parts, approach them with compassion and curiosity. Understand that each part has its own unique needs and motivations. By acknowledging and meeting these needs, you can start the process of integration. Remember, your capital-S Self is equipped with more tools and resources than these individual parts. Embrace your role as the compassionate observer and guide.

The Power of Integration

Integrating these different parts of ourselves is crucial for reclaiming our self-worth and reducing our susceptibility to external opinions. As you bring these parts into harmony with your capital-S Self, you will experience a sense of wholeness and authenticity. The inner critic may transform into a constructive voice that supports your growth. The procrastinator may become a catalyst for intentional action. By integrating these parts, you align your energy and empower yourself to navigate life with greater confidence.

Your Gentle Nudge

If what others say about you, positive or negative, impacts how you feel about yourself, it is essential to cultivate a strong and resilient sense of self from within. By recognizing the capital-S Self and integrating the various parts of ourselves, we can break free from the cycle of self-judgment and embrace our authentic selves. Remember, the journey begins with noticing and acknowledging these parts, and with each step, you move closer to a life characterized by self-acceptance, inner harmony, and lasting fulfillment.

Do you need some support along the way? You're in the right place! [Resources below!]

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