When Your Relationship is Too Close

It's easy to see that people could get irritated with each other nearby for so long. But what we may not realize is how much our relationships have become out of balance.

Freedom. That's what people are longing for right now.

Collectively, we've gone through one of the most traumatic experiences our planet has ever known. We've been in fear for our lives and endured the equivalent of being under house arrest. 

Individually, we are at very low points mental health-wise. 

And our closest personal relationships have been affected.

Our isolation has forced us to cocoon with a few people for a very long time. People need people; we've had a limited selection from which to choose, and:

• Increased housework and tedious tasks have been shared ad nauseum. 
• We've had little emotional support. 
• Our household has streamed every conceivable video together. 
• We've spent too much time discussing things when we need private thought time.

It's easy to see that people could get irritated with each other nearby for so long. But what we may not realize is how much our relationships have become out of balance.

The results of this may be:

• Becoming too dependent upon one another, enmeshed, even.
• Sinking into entrenched thinking, rather than allowing diverse opinions.
• Our tanks are empty, so when others express strong, natural emotions, we feel we can't tolerate them.

enmeshment

n. when people are involved in each other's activities so much that they lack healthy interaction, feel one another's emotions, and lose individual autonomy.

The solution is to disentangle from one another. You may need a little vacation from your relationship.

Humans crave freedom, especially after imprisonment--something we've surely endured. 

We need space to learn to be ourselves again and to seek out other support and activities.

But when an individual in a family system "suddenly" seeks independence, it can feel frightening to others. And the reaction is often one of wanting to place more control on the other. 

There is a myriad of ways we are expressing our desire for personal freedom right now.

The famous Roman philosopher Cicero stated it beautifully when he said, "What then is freedom? The power to live as one wishes."

But the response can be pure panic for those feeling left behind.

And the action that follows may be clinging or needy behavior, escalated fights, and more rules imposed. Which leads to rebellion, then further control, and the cycle continues.

We need to give one another grace through this period of adjustment. 

We are each seeking balance, and we may not get it right the first time. We have to practice being free again. 

First, we will regain our individuality and then understand how our actions impact others and our communities.

We will also be relearning how to navigate ourselves through social situations with incredibly diverse points of view. Here in America, we went through a vicious, divided election process. It was easy to alienate one another when we didn't have to "deal" with them. 

But we forgot that though we certainly will have differing ideas in our usual lives, there is a symbiosis that we need to maintain to function together as a society.

Let's try to remember that this will be an adjustment period. And that as we become more mentally well, we will have more to bring back into our relationships.

So, get back out there. Wobbly and uncertain as you may feel. And let your people go out and find themselves again. Personal autonomy is what makes for healthy individuals, relationships, and societies.

Tami Green, recently challenged on her tagline of "America's Most Respected Life Coach", has temporarily switched it to "America's Most Despicable Coach." Feel free to weigh in on that change below ??.

Antony Ellis