When Your Manager Doesn't Want You To Succeed

We got a call from Dennis, who was discouraged about his relationship with his manager Danielle. 

"What's the problem, Dennis?" we asked. "What is the communication breakdown between you and Danielle?"

"I can't even tell you, really," said Dennis. "It came out of the blue."

"I started this job fourteen months ago, and Danielle and I got into mind-meld mode right away. She told me about her biggest goals for 2015 and I dug into them. I got two big projects completed in my first quarter here. Danielle was ecstatic.

"We brainstormed over email all the time and generated a ton of great ideas. She kept our CEO up to date on the projects and he was very supportive of our work, too.

"I don't know what changed, or why. Starting around Labor Day Danielle really cooled towards me. She told me to put one of my biggest projects on hold until 2016 and now she won't even talk to me about it.

"She doesn't keep me in the loop anymore. I have to scrounge up projects to do, even though I know every one of our other VPs' priorities and I could help them all if Danielle would only lengthen my leash!"

"Has Danielle shared any concerns with you, or any unhappiness about your results?" we asked.

"Not at all, until just recently," said Dennis. "In September Danielle told me that she wasn't happy with my follow-through. That comment took me completely by surprise.

"I asked her for examples -- not in a defensive way, but just so that I could understand -- and she said she couldn't think of anything specific but that she had given me several action items that I had let slip. I'm telling you, that isn't true.

"There are several people I take care of things for, but Danielle's requests come first. I don't know what action items she was referring to, but now she won't talk about that topic either."

"What about your other relationships in the company?" asked Molly. "Do you still interact with your CEO?"

"All the time," said Dennis. "He even told me that Danielle had told him I was slacking off. Slacking off - can you imagine?  I told the CEO that I'm confused by Danielle's recent change of attitude towards me.

"I'm working as hard as I ever did and getting so much affirmation from the rest of the company. The CEO told me to ride it out. He said 'Danielle will come around. She's just stressed out.'"

"I don't like it," I said. "Me neither," said Molly.

"He's the CEO!" I protested. "If his VP, Danielle, shares concerns with him about a direct report, it's up to him to dig in and ask her what she's concerned about. Why would he tell you to ride it out? He should help you two clear the air."

"He's afraid of her, quite honestly," said Dennis. "I don't mean 'afraid' in the sense that she's volatile or that she has nearly as much influence as he does, of course. It's more than she is the darling of the executive team.

"Nobody else understands her job, so she's had the run of the place and now, I guess, the other VPs have seen that I know a lot about how our department works. If they want something and they can't get it from Danielle, they can often get it from me. The CEO is probably just reluctant to upset her. She's a bit of a prima donna."

"Well, there you go!" said Molly. "Now you are a political threat to Danielle. She may not like having somebody around who makes her seem less indispensable than she used to be."

"That's what I fear," said Dennis. "I have no desire to create any friction with my boss, naturally. I want us to be a team. Danielle wanted to hire someone competent, but she wanted to hire someone she could keep under her thumb. A year into this job I have my own relationships with our CEO and the other VPs, who are all Danielle's peers.

"I agree with your assessment, Molly. I don't want Danielle's job, but I think she feels she's created a Frankenstein's monster. She doesn't want me to work directly with any senior-level leader except for her."

"Apart from her comment about your follow-through," I asked, "has Danielle said anything else to give you a clue as to how she's feeling?"

"Just one thing," said Dennis. "We flew to Tampa together to see a big customer. In the rental car she said 'You drive. I'm your boss, and every once in a while I get to call the shots."

"Ouch!" said Molly. "Talk about confessing yourself!"

"It was awkward," said Dennis. "I actually jumped on her comment because I thought that we might as well use some of our alone time in the rental car to clear things up between us. I said 'Danielle, if there's anything I'm doing that offends you or makes you feel uncomfortable, I want to know about it and I want to stop doing it. I value our relationship and I want you to be happy you hired me.'"

"Wow," I said. "Good for you, Dennis! Name that elephant!"

"I tried," said Dennis. "It didn't work. Danielle sat silently for the entire drive, the most awkward forty minutes I can remember. At the client meeting she did all the talking and I sat there like a lump. I happened to hit the mens room at one point and our client, Pierre, was in there too."

"Oh no!" I said. "You had a heart-to-heart in the men's room?"

"I had no choice," said Dennis. "Pierre told me "You're my chief advisor when you're back in your office, Dennis. I guess when you're on the road you've got to play it cool so Danielle doesn't get her nose out of joint."

"More naming the elephant!" said Molly. "It sounds like there's too much truth-telling going on for Danielle's taste right now."

"I'm at my wit's end," said Dennis. "Our CEO isn't going to intervene. Danielle isn't going to talk about her feelings of insecurity or whatever is going on with her. I may have to start a job search. I can't work this way.

"I know what needs to be done in our department and the VPs certainly know, too. I'm hamstrung by my own manager, who also won't talk to me. It's a bad situation."

"Danielle is afraid of your growing flame," said Molly. "Like you said, she fears she's created a Frankenstein's monster. She fears that you might outshine her. She doesn't see a job for herself at a higher altitude.

"The more competent and credible you prove yourself to be, the more she worries. I agree that you may have to move on, especially since your CEO isn't showing any indication that he can rise to the occasion and mentor Danielle out of her anxious state."

"That's what I think, too," said Dennis. "Ironically, the same client, Pierre, has a VP position he's trying to fill. Do you think I should move to Tampa?"

"We love Tampa!" we said.

"Pierre's opportunity is certainly worth a look, and there are opportunities worth exploring with other companies, too. 

"People get fearful easily, and executives get more fearful than most. Danielle never expected you to do as great a job as you've done in your first year. First she was happy she hired you, and now she's not so sure."

"I'm going to talk to Pierre and learn more about his VP opportunity," said Dennis. "I would rather move on than keep pushing a rock uphill the way I'm doing now."

"Fear at work is the topic no one wants to talk about," I said.

"Fear in the executive suite is rampant, but generally executives pretend not to notice it. Danielle should be basking in her success at hiring as capable a Number Two as yourself, but she doesn't have the confidence to do that.

"Your CEO should be all over this problem, but instead he tells you to ride it out and hope for the best. That's not very impressive."

"You're right," said Dennis. "I guess I've been deluding myself that somehow this situation might correct itself on its own. I know from experience that once a manager decides someone is persona non grata, things aren't going to change - especially since Danielle would rather cut her tongue out than acknowledge that she's uncomfortable with my - what did you call it? My growing flame."

"It's a good analogy -- your growing flame," said Molly. "You don't  need Danielle anymore, and it kills her that you don't. There are so many CEOs who could use your help, Dennis. You can run your own department the next time!"

"Is every company as full of drama and soap opera as mine is?" asked Dennis.

"There are always waves swelling and crashing," I said. 

"The healthy companies talk about the waves, and the unhealthy ones don't. They pretend there are no waves of good and bad energy swirling around them. They stick their fingers in their ears and talk about KPIs and made-up business jargon. They don't talk about what's happening right under their noses - the positive and negative momentum that everybody in the place can feel, from the C-suite to the mailroom."

"They are dinosaurs," said Molly. "There are more truth-telling people  like you speaking up all the time and more Human Workplaces every day. There are more job-seekers who know their value.

"We are moving out of the mechanical workplace and into the Human Workplace, step by step and person by person. You wouldn't settle for a fearful boss like Danielle in your next job, and lots of other people wouldn't, either."

"It's about time for work to become a human place, isn't it?" asked Dennis.

"Not a moment too soon!" we agreed.

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