When Your Life Isn't in Alignment

A car in motion that veers to one side and a bad back are in need of one thing: re-alignment. When something isn't in alignment, it can cause other issues, and soon, everything feels unsettled. This is especially true with life. When your life isn't in alignment, life just sucks. You hit the snooze alarm over and over again, the local bar becomes your best friend, and you and your partner's relationship is stifled. Those are just some symptoms of a life not in alignment, although that may not be your experience. Other symptoms may include anger, frustration, boredom, nausea, indigestion, heart palpitations, ongoing sickness, irritable bowel syndrome, or diarrhea. For real.

Here's the story (short version) of how I realized my life wasn't in alignment.

I was employed at a dead-end company. My boss and I didn't get along and we never saw eye to eye on anything. Every day I would come home and complain to my wife about how much I didn't like my job, and I looked elsewhere fairly regularly. I felt like I was on an island much of my time there. I had challenged dinosaur business practices and questioned how the company measured results, neither of which went over well to those who had been there for years and worked their way up. In short, it was a job where I'd thought I'd rather have a colonic than endure another day of misery. But I couldn't quit, as that would have put my wife and I in a bad financial position. My other jobs previous to this one also came with many stressors and overall dissatisfaction. Nothing ever seemed to be the right fit. There was the occasional "I love my job" mindset, but it was rare. 

I also started to grow tired of good ol' Minnesota. I had moved there from Illinois back in 2002 to attend college, met my wife three years later (we married in 2010) and felt settled in. Then the long winters, brutal cold temps, and icy road conditions got the best of me - the culmination being my car getting totaled after hitting an ice patch that came with little warning. I then started dreaming of heading West, which thankfully wasn't going to be a financial burden immediately. I just knew I needed to get a job before we moved. That was plan A, and thankfully plan A worked.

The start of the fix

We waved goodbye to the extreme cold of Minnesota and were soon welcomed by the extreme heat of Arizona. We relocated within three weeks of me receiving my job offer, and my wife was able to keep her job and work remotely. We were grateful to not have to resort to plans B or C, which involved breaking our apartment lease and/or going out to Arizona blindly. To be fair, I did have family there but my wife and I also discussed moving to either Los Angeles, Denver, or Seattle. We just wanted to move to some place warmer. The move to Phoenix wasn't devoid of fears, frustrations, and adjusting to hotter temps. But it was an adventure, and I was no longer bored or depressed. I quickly grew accustomed to the never-ending sunshine, semi-LA-like traffic conditions, and my co-workers, who are the best I've ever had, bar none.

And knowing Arizona was such a hotbed for transient folk and retirees, I started to explore the idea of working as a part-time real estate agent. And that too came to pass, after 90 hours of required classroom training, taking a national/state exam, failing the state portion twice and passing on the third attempt, and then figuring out a place to hang my license after submitting the various licensure forms. I learned through all of it that the state of Arizona is among the most stringent when it comes to following the rules of real estate. It is both a privilege and blessing to be counted among the many Arizona licensed real estate agents. I just got my license and cannot wait to start this new venture.

A life now in alignment.

I recall the turning point for me, when I knew my life was finally in alignment: feeling the most ethereal sense of accomplishment, I said to my wife, Now what? I never uttered those words prior to that, free from agitation. The other kind of utterance of these two words took the form of constant pursuits, as nothing was ever good enough or "successful" enough. It was liberating to not feel this need to go go go and instead just drop to the couch and let out a long, big sigh of relief. Don't get me wrong - a life can still function when not in alignment, but who would ever want to leave it that way? When we do that, we settle for much less than what we can achieve and instead resort to quick fixes that come and go all too quickly: a job promotion, a raise, a Caribbean vacation, buying a new car, etc. Like a car or back that's been out of whack for a while, when you pro-long a misaligned life, things become worse. The difference between you and the other person who chooses not to do anything about it is that you finally say, "Enough already! It's time to take you into the shop! And that's where I was at. But before that, I remained unfixed. For almost 10 years. Like a doctor's admonishment to one who has a bad heart and eats too many burgers, we too need to take better care of our lives.

Steps for re-alignment

1. Look at your life using a fine tooth-comb.
2. Ask yourself, Am I happy? Am I bored? Do I prefer a colonic over going into work tomorrow? If you answer "yes" to any of these questions, go on to step 3. If you answer "no", you are one of those rare treasures in the world. 
3. Now ask yourself, What would happiness look like for me? Draw a picture if you must in order to get a visual of what you're going for. If you see yourself in another state, city, or country, go there. If you see yourself in a different career or industry, go nuts at networking. Basically, just get off your duff and do something about it vs. drowning yourself in re-runs of The Office.
4. If getting your life in alignment involves the need to save financially, and in many cases it will, then get those reserves going first so life doesn't become hell. 
5. Stand in front of your couch after a long day and perform a plop-down. If you cry into the armrest, go back to step 1. If you can let out a big sigh of relief, well then, life is GOOOOOOOOOD.

Thanks for reading,

Tim