When Your Feelings Conflict with Your Leadership Role

I don’t want to pass up the opportunity to share an article I read about When Your Feelings Conflict with Your Leadership Role. Here are a few highlights:

There are unwritten rules about the?emotions you’re expected to show at work .?These implicit “feeling rules” are so embedded in an organisation’s social fabric that we rarely notice them. However, there are times when there’s a conflict between how you feel and the emotions you’re expected to display. So how do you decide when to express your true feelings and be “authentic” and when to put on a game

Leaders risk losing credibility and effectiveness if they disclose everything they think and feel — a reality that is especially true for?women ?and?people of color . But suppressing your emotions is also costly. The stress of surface acting makes leaders more prone to?bodily aches ,?insomnia ,?burnout , and?depression . The effort expended can also reduce self-control, increasing the chance that leaders?lash out at work . In turn, this impacts engagement levels, turnover, and the?financial performance ?of an organisation.

So, what’s the remedy? How can leaders walk this authenticity tightrope? Here are a few techniques to try the next time you find your emotions — and the emotions you’re expected to display — in conflict:

1. Reappraise the situation.?

When your feelings and emotional expectations are discordant, “deep acting” offers a healthier, more effective alternative to surface acting. With this technique, you focus on finding legitimate reasons to feel the expected feelings, so you don’t need to fake them.

Deep acting requires cognitive effort and isn’t always possible as it takes time to step back and reappraise. However, deep actors?report ?less fatigue, fewer feelings of inauthenticity, improved coworker trust, and advanced progress toward career goals compared to surface actors.

2. Focus on what matters.?

Another deep-acting technique is to focus on the larger purpose of your work.?Focusing on the people who benefit from your work ?can be energising?and reduces the likelihood of?burning out .

To refocus, step back and reflect on why your work matters. What impact does it have on your team members, customers, or the broader community? Creating a positive outcome for people we care about can make our experience of displaying certain emotions less taxing and negative.

3. Do an emotional audit.?

Situations that cause us to experience internal dissonance are opportunities for personal learning and growth. Do an emotional audit and ask yourself: What am I feeling? Where do I feel it in my body? What is causing me to feel that way? What does my reaction say about my beliefs or values?

From an early age, many of us get the message that certain emotions are not okay. If we’re sad, we’re told to “man up” or “big girls don’t cry.” If we’re angry, we’re told to calm down. But emotions are natural and essential: They provide feedback on how we are experiencing the world, helping us make good decisions, build positive relationships, and cultivate well-being.

4. Take time to reconnect and replenish.?

To reduce the strain of emotional labor, seek out support. Connect with people to whom you can express your unedited thoughts and feelings — whether it’s your partner, a therapist or coach, or trusted peers. Engaging in activities that enable you to relax and recharge, such as meditation, journaling, art, or nature walks, can also reduce the hidden stress.

It’s also important to embrace self-compassion. Self-compassion increases your emotional intelligence, capacity to treat others more compassionately, and?overall effectiveness ?as a leader. Leaders rarely receive training on how to identify and work with emotions, so treat yourself kindly as you come up the learning curve.

Want to know more? Head on over to the full article here for more ideas and perspective. Afterwards, why not drop me an email to share your thoughts at [email protected]; or call me on 0467 749 378.

Thanks,

Robert