When Your Drink Order Matters

Ayesha J. Whyte, Esq. is the Chief People Officer for Roller Rabbit. She is also the founder and CEO of Ellevator , a private membership organization that provides curated educational content for women of color who want to take their careers to the next level. Ayesha had so much great advice, we divided her interview into two parts. (Read part 1 here.)

Part 2

What is one significant business relationship that impacted your career? How did it start? How did it help you?

"I was the Corporate Director of Employee Relations and HR at a large hotel company. We had teams that would go out and manage hotels for the hoteliers who owned them. I was the newest member of a team that included finance, sales, revenue, etc. The team leader was the Senior Vice President of Operations."

"After about two months, the team leader said to me 'I really like you and what you bring to this team. I’ve never understood how HR fits into what we’re doing and I never saw any use for it. But I see a use for you.'”

"He went on to say, 'Let me give you a couple of tips. When we go out to those intimate dinners with the billionaires who own these hotels, I see that you like ordering a fruity alcoholic drink… stop that! Here are the drinks that you should order.' And he told me to order a scotch neat or this certain, very expensive gin.”

"I cannot tell you the difference that has made for me in business. From that, I learned that men at the table respected my drink, even if they didn't respect women. He knew that."

"We’d all be sitting around the table getting ready to order dinner. I was often the only woman and the only person of color; so I already stood out.? Of course, the first thing the waiter does is take your drink order.? The first time I ordered that expensive gin instead of my usual drink, I could see one of the guys nod his head like 'she knows what to drink, she deserves to be here.' Another gentleman at the table who I had never met said 'nice choice.' Someone else at the table agreed. All of a sudden, it was like I belonged at the table."

"I didn’t do anything else differently. I was still Ayesha. But it gave me a baseline level of respect that caused them to lean in; a level of respect that women and especially women in female dominated fields like HR don’t always get."

"To this day, if I have a business meeting over drinks, I don’t order the drink that I prefer, I order the drink that’s appropriate for that setting."

Why do you think this person, who was older and very senior, decided to mentor you?

"First, because I was intellectually curious. I knew that my knowledge in employment law and HR were solid. But I knew there was a lot I did not know in terms of finance, operations and revenue generation. I gave deference and asked questions and eagerly learned. This mentor? ended up teaching me how to read a profit and loss statement and about financial measures like EBITDA which are all things I took with me to the C-suite."

"Second, if someone on the team asked me a question about an HR or employment/labor law matter, I made sure I had the answer. I didn’t have to go back and ask my boss, the CHRO. He knew he could turn to me for the information he needed. So he would introduce me as a critical member of the team, not an add on."

"Honestly, I think these two things have been a differentiator my entire career."