When your client has YOUR problem
Kirsten Dierolf, ICF MCC, ICF ACTC, EMCC MP, ESIA, ITCA MP
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As we know, life happens with its ups and downs. As coaches, we know that and take care to be in a good place before we start coaching: a place where we can focus and center our clients. When our own life is so busy, chaotic or our emotions hurt that we can not focus and are constantly distracted by our own thoughts, we might take some time off to make sure that we are able to coach.
Sometimes, we think we have everything sorted even though we are struggling with personal hardship only to realize that it is not so sorted after all, for example, when a client comes in who has the same problem as us. Our own emotions surprise us and we realize that we are constantly in “comparison”mode or our attempts at centering the client are hijacked by our own stuff. What to do? Here are some ideas.
Be transparent
It is always an option to tell the client that you are facing a very similar situation and that your attention is wandering thereby not allowing you to do a stellar job. You could agree with the client whether they want to continue coaching or whether they would like to postpone the session.
Use the situation mindfully
If you are facing similar hardships as your client, you are probably more empathetic toward the client. When you notice that your mind is wandering to your own situation, gently pull it back to the client. Listen to the client with compassion and allow the commonality to create a connection without comparison.
Stay aware that no situation is the same
Even though you might think that this is exactly what you are going through, too, it is usually not. The client is the client – you are you. While some of the client’s discoveries can be useful for you, too, the opposite is not true. Stay empathetic but don’t rush to assume you know what the client is going through or that what is working for you will work for the client.
Retain a future focus
Hardships have a way of pulling us down into a vortex where nothing else is visible. If you are in danger of the same vortex as the client, a coaching session can easily deteriorate into a pity party. Invite the client to describe what they would like instead in great detail and retain a future focus rather than wallowing in the past.
What are your tips for situations where the client is facing the same situation as you? Why not join for our free coaching meetup and exchange to discuss? https://app.solutionsacademy.com/free?_gl=1*1n9at6e*_gcl_au*OTg0MDA1MTU4LjE3MzAzMDgyNzY.&_ga=2.43487205.1104921517.1731404396-670654784.1730308277
Agile Coach, Roof & Components at Webasto Group
5 天前Perfect timing with your post! Kirsten Thanks for sharing!
Psychologist, Executive & Mental Health Coach, ICF-PCC, PMP ????????????????????
5 天前Few other things might help: 1. Setting boundaries: I don't accept coaching clients with topics who touch me too much emotionally and where I don't have any inner distance. For example, if I am going through a divorce or wad laid off very recently, I won't coach a person who has the same issue. 2. Setting a boundary to myself internally: " I am me and the client, is the client. The " problem" may have the same name, but there are completely different stories behind it. 3. Mentoring/ Supervision: it can help to digest my issues first and than client's problems won't trigger me so easy.
Certified Life Coach | Empowering Professionals in Career Transition & Personal Growth | Leadership & Mindset Coach | Helping You Achieve Success with Balance and Confidence
6 天前Thank you for sharing these valuable insights! As coaches, we truly need to be mindful of our own emotional states to serve our clients effectively. It’s such a balancing act—recognizing our own vulnerabilities while being fully present for the client. I particularly resonate with the idea of using commonalities mindfully. Empathy can be a powerful connector, and as you noted, the trick is to lean into that connection without letting our own challenges blur the client’s unique experience. One approach I find helpful in these situations is to implement “pre-session grounding.” Before a session, I take a few minutes to mentally set aside my own emotions and visualize myself as a supportive, clear vessel for the client’s needs. Additionally, when a client’s story feels very close to home, I find it grounding to consciously reflect on the ways my experiences differ from theirs—this helps maintain my objectivity and refocus on their specific journey. Thank you again for opening up this conversation. I’d love to hear more perspectives on managing these dynamics!