When you are trimmed like a bonsai tree...

Did you know that bonsai trees grow out of seeds of regular trees? Only through cutting, trimming, defoliation, clamping and many other procedures it becomes a bonsai tree. The one, whose primary focus is to please the eyes of the creator. Is this however the best version of this particular tree that could have ever existed? Are you the best version of yourself or do you let others shape you beyond what you would hope to become?

Flashback time.

When I was in high school our science teacher had a strong vision of how 'science' should be 'taught'. During 45 minutes class she would read out loud the pages of the book and we were to take meticulous notes. Word by word. Then we were to read the other books at home and memorize them. Every day, in the beginning of the class, she was playing lottery - three of the students were to go in front of the class and they were to recite all the passages from the last week. Word by word. Then they were graded. Usually badly, since the amount of the material to remember was huge and randomness of questions - very high. She could have asked you anything. Sometimes she did not stick to recent material. Everyone got their chance to shine 2-3 times a month. Till now I am not sure what did it have to do with 'teaching' but it did discourage me from science for years. Additionally, watching my classmates stressing over exact order of sentences about mitochondrias and variety of cellular reproductions was not a pleasant experience. I was in a very ambitious school, with a lot of pressure on the pupils to get to the best universities and exceed across the board. So, for an average teenager, each of us was under quite a lot of pressure.

I have one, repetitive 'lottery' memory - watching face of my friend who was sitting next to me. Every time the teacher was going randomly through the students' list with her pen, I literally could see the blood getting drained from my friend's (Anna's) face as if a vampire suck on her. Anna's hands were resting on the desk and she would keep a tissue box next to them, as there was usually a pool of sweat gathering on the surface of the table. I have never seen someone dripping sweat so much out of fear. That was probably the most tangible thing I learnt about biology of human body during this class...

Here we were, young branches, cut, trimmed, hardened to our science teacher idea of how a perfect student looks like. No questions, no discussions, no experimentation. Just memorizing content and forced-through-fear respect of her authority. A forest of bended bonsai trees for her to watch.

Funny thing, if you would ask us, those teenage kids, before we attended that class, what does 'good performance' in science look like, none of us would think we would ever fit into the behavior we all finished following. We would probably go more along the ways of independence and creative learning through practice. And probably, through first months, some of our minds were still rebellious, still expecting things to change eventually. But after some time, we all gave up and either adjusted, let it go, accepted, or turned sarcastic.

'The strongest steel is forged by the hottest fire' they say. They repeat it to you when you suffer in the toxic work environment. When you experience mobbing at work. When you are working under constant pressure, day and night, with no relief from stress. When your manager suffocates you with unreasonable demands. Unfortunately, a lot of companies these days still operate in the 'shaping through fire' mode, creating very stressful and unproductive work environment forcing all employees to fulfill the same, standard (and not always realistic) expectations. The performance reports, setting the way people are evaluated and practices aiming at increasing pressure are all contributing to 'bonsai' tree creation.

I was too, a believer that 'chewing through pain' will get me places and that I will get the strongest, the more work I process and the more hours I can go through. But then I discovered, that acting this way we are giving away the control over our own development, as we are letting others to decide in what shape or form we are growing into. Respect does not have to be gained through suffering and work does not have to drain you. Freedom of expression, creativity and the time to unwind/recover your energy are necessary for yourself to discover what's the best version of you. And no one will ever know better than you what you are capable of and how tall you can grown. You are the only one who can unleash your true potential. So do not wait for your manager or your company to tell you what you can become. Define it for yourself. And find the work environment that supports you rather than dwarfs you into a bonsai tree.