When you are left with an empty nest

Everyone deals with an empty nest differently. This may be because there are so many different emotions that arise when our kids leave. Celebrating courage, empathizing with fears, rejoicing in alone time, and a cleaner house. For some, in addition to any or all of the above, there is grief. Grief for the end of an era, grief for the loss of the daily physical interactions with the child, grief for the loss of knowing what to expect, grief for the sense of the parent role which has suddenly begun to change.

This is where things can really hit hard. Walking past an empty room and bursting into tears. Realizing that 18 years of doing things one way has suddenly, all too quickly (yet incredibly slowly,) ended.

For some, no shoes at the front door feels freeing. For others, it's a sign of what's missing. There is a relearning, regardless.

How will we spend our time now?

What happens next?

For the first time in a long time, the spotlight is on us. We can't feign 'busy' forever. Sure we can sort out the stuff, redo a room here and there, go through the basement. But at some point, and this is different for each person, the time comes to start reflecting on how we will spend our lives for us.

We will all learn to process grief in our own ways. I'll share a little lesson I learned when our oldest left home. I felt all sorts of feelings, and started to tell myself a story which I repeated over and over to myself whenever I noticed that I was missing our child. The story was short, and not sweet.

It read: My child has left me forever.

Each time I told myself that story, I burst into tears and was stuck.

One day, I noticed the effect that this story was having on me and wondered if I could write an equally short, yet not so tragic story.

It read: My child and I are beginning a new stage of our relationship and are learning together.

That new story changed everything for me. I could grieve, and I was no longer stuck. When I heard the old story, I would erase it and replace it with the new story. I would see hope, and I would carry on.

As it turns out, our kids have come and gone a few times now. I'm so grateful for the new story which I tell myself as we continue to grow and change as a family.

I hope that cleaning out your nest brings you many growth opportunities along the way, and that you write a story that helps you to move forward.