When you have more than you need

It's really a tricky situation. At our in-law's place in our neighborhood there lives one family. Wife was 21, husband was 24 at their wedding time. We don't know what went wrong at her delivery time, she had developed some complications and became almost all insane. She was neither in a position to look after the baby nor in a position to recognise her husband, mother in law (MIL) or her kid. After few months of treatment her parental home people said she won't become normal, as she doesn't have her own parents and they are not ready to spend money on her treatment. They advised the boy to remarry and they are ready to give a signed willing letter on behalf of her.

This happened in 1986. I came to know about this only a decade later. We have seen the family but never knew the real story behind. Her mother in law is my Mil's friend. My Mil narrated this story to me. Some advised the boy to remarry, some advised to give the child for adoption. So many advises received it seems. Finally, all the suggestions were to get rid of his mentally ill wife by sending her into a mental asylum. Some little direct way or some indirect way and more or less this was the advice given by most of the relatives.

Then the boy's mother told the boy it seems. ‘Once you are married to her, she is your responsibility for life long. Your luck is like that. You have to face your karma phal of previous birth. You also have a kid. I won't let you abandon my Dil. You are my only son not even touched twenty-five years and I don't tell you to live like this your entire life. Explain your situation to someone you like. But make it clear she can't take the place of your wife or her legal rights. She need not enter this house. She can't become your second wife. She should be your need based partner. Make arrangements like that. I don't tell you to forgo your biological needs.

However, if you want to follow celibacy I will be more happy. But it's not that easy. If you get fed up you will be waiting for your wife's death. Which is not correct. You are her husband not a boy friend. It's your duty to take care of her till she is alive. Give some financial security to that "other lady" but definitely she can't sit in your innocent wife’s place. Just because she is mentally challenged, I won't let you to snatch her rights. So tomorrow your son should not think any thing disrespectful about you and your sick wife. He should not think it's ok to leave spouse if they fall sick or out of use. He should still have faith in marriage.

At last she found some one. who was from a poor family without any family backing, she was explained the situation and she gave it in writing what that lady is going to get, etc how she can't take her Dil's place etc. We saw that lady coming to this old Mil sometimes, with so much affection the old lady treats her. Every thing with so much love. But every one knows she is not her Dil. ‘The other woman is treated with lot of respect. My jaw fell down when I heard this story. When I met that ‘lady’ she was also in her mid forties. Very sweet lady with a smiling and contented face.

I was rather surprised to see such a cute person is sacrificing her life to an unknown, not related lady who is not even in her senses. And she won't get any socially accepted recognition!! I asked my Mil. What is this? You know what she said? There is ‘dharma’ and ‘nyay'. Righteousness and justice. Justice won't change with time and depending on human. It's equal to every one. But dharma is not like that. It will change with each individual and each situation. That's why you can't ask ‘when she or he did why can't I do? When it is correct that time, why not now? What about her rights? I asked. My Mil was told by her friend it seems ‘just because my Dil is bedridden and not in her senses doesn't she have any rights? If it happens to my son will I give same advice to my Dil to get rid of her husband?? Never! So he is also not allowed to leave his wife.

So according to her, she did not cheat anyone, she made it clear everything, her son and she salutes the other lady and said her it seems, after her Dil only she can have her place in their house as Dil,till then she will be treated with respect but can't be given her place. So she was not kept in dark. That lady was not helpless one, to get trapped for money or something. She is working in a school. All respect her a lot I am told. Now their son is in his twenties. He respects his dad, his sick mom who could not even recognise him and the ‘other lady' which is no less than his own mother to him he calls her Mausi (Aunty).

Is it possible always to be happy with what they have? What more do they want? I am completely clueless. what is right? Who is right? How complicated human relations are!! Some take Marriage oaths so seriously. Some won't even give any value. I forgot to add. unless her husband feeds, his wife won't eat food it seems! though she won't recognise him. With such a love he feeds and takes care of her. They spent lot of money on her treatment I heard. She recognises her Mil and husband just by face. Not by any relation or with any memories. She hardly had two years married life I am told. This is truly inspiring tale.

Because they are working longer for lesser now. Because they are continuously being told that they are worthless - by their families, by the society, by recruiters. Because they spend their days working their ass off at their jobs, and their nights lying on their bed, scrolling through their Facebook feed, allowing a string of updates from people they barely know, about fancy dinners, exorbitant vacations, coveted jobs, ecstatic relationships, and unwanted gadgets, stir up their dormant envy like magma in a smoldering volcano, slowly chipping away at their fragile sense of self-worth.

Because they are told that 12 years of schooling isn’t sufficient and that they must get a degree. And 4 years later they are told that a mere ‘Bachelors’ would only fetch them a job serving coffee and making sandwiches, and that they must get a post graduate or a doctorate. And then they are told to be happy for having the opportunity to slave away one-third of their lives, barely making out a living, and that if they persevere for a decade or two, they might get to come up to the ‘other side’. And then a few more years later, they are told that technology has progressed rapidly, at a pace they couldn’t possibly have matched, and that all they learnt can now be done at a fraction of the price by an automaton developed by a hot-shot kid at the world’s leading university, and here’s their severance check.

Because people are very insatiable and would stop at nothing short of the entire universe. Because the media feeds them updates after updates about uber-exceptional folks - the man with 30 different degrees, the 25 year old CEO of a 200 billion dollar company, the 17 year old kid who made his first app and sold it to Yahoo for a cool 30 million, the athlete who was paid their entire annual salary for being on the field for just one minute, the actor who has slept with hundreds of Playboy models, lives in a mansion in Malibu, drinks like a sea-lion and snorts cocaine for breakfast.

There are a whole bunch of “because” more. But none of them matter if only you decide to change the locus of control of your happiness. Change your benchmarks. Be realistic in your expectations. Compare yourself today with your self from yesterday. Realize that success and contentment aren’t the same. Who strive - you don't know how the others strive. To paint a little thing like that you smeared. Carelessly passing with your robes afloat. Yet do much less, so much less, someone says. (I know his name, no matter) - so much less!

Well, less is more. So why do we need more? More of what? And, most of all, why sometimes less is good? I'll tell you the reason, Less money in your life will push you to value more everything else. Less negative thoughts will make room for more positive thoughts. Less fights means more time for understanding yourself. Less compromise means more power for your own decisions. Less procrastination will push you to get more done. Less tension more creativity. Less something is always more of the opposite. Less of this answer means more time for you to read my other answers. Well, I could go like this forever. But I'm going to stop here to let you think things by yourself now. Only thing you need to understand is the thing between less and more is the balance. Cheers!