When you fall off a horse...

I recently had a rough professional experience that I would suggest is something like getting bucked off a horse when you didn’t expect it.??I ended up flat on my back and in a bit of pain, surprised, embarrassed, and having lost some confidence in my abilities.???I lay there for a while (ok, for a week) and contemplated where to go from here.??Thankfully, I’ve never been thrown to the ground by an actual horse.??I did, however, grow up in Colorado, and I own a pair of cowboy boots, so I’m going to write for a bit about the saying “When you fall off the horse, you need to get back in the saddle.”??It is simple wisdom that can’t be attributed to any specific person, but I have found it to be quite rich in meaning and application.??My sincere hope is that it will be useful to you or someone you know. Someone flat on their back in the dirt, disoriented, and in need of some support.

For starters, it sucks to fail/fall.??As much as the world might tell us to not hurt, to “rub some dirt in it” and move on, I think it is important to acknowledge that going from riding to not riding in an rapid unexpected manner isn’t fun.??For me it was a failed job interview.??For others it might be being laid off, or getting a tough medical diagnosis, or some other unanticipated disruption of life or career.??Isn’t it interesting that we get all googly and “awwww” when a little child trying to learn to walk totally wipes out and cries, yet we sometimes struggle to show empathy and support for the adults around us when the same thing happens???In addition, I think we are even harder on ourselves!??So, step one is saying to yourself, or maybe out loud, “that hurt!”??Take a breath, assess the damage, and start to dust yourself off.

The next step might be the most important because it is a choice between staying on the ground in the hurt or getting up.??It is sometimes deceptively easy, especially when feeling strong pain and disappointment, to dwell in that a little too long.??If you don’t get up, you are increasingly prone to self-pity, hurt, resentment, and apathy.??None of these are good for you in the long run.??Nor is seeking escape from the pain through alcohol, drugs, explosions of anger, etc.??Moving on can be particularly hard if you have been hurt by another human being, as was my own experience, but I took solace and instruction from Nelson Mandela, who said “Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill your enemies.”??I’m no saint here, taking a week or so to work through my feelings and emotions, but doing so was worth it and I’m now back on my feet.

After you get back up you face another decision: walk or ride???I’m not going to tell you what to do here, because it is your choice.??I will say that if you choose to walk, you won’t be on a horse, and you forgo the opportunities that come from being back in the saddle.??There was probably a reason you were on that horse, so before you make a choice about not getting back on it, take the time to work through why.??Sometimes the shock and pain of getting tossed to the ground will give you an ability to see things in a new way.??I also am compelled to share that it might just be you were on the wrong horse.??The world is full of people who experienced the pain and embarrassment of getting tossed who simply found another horse and rode it quite happily into the sunset.

Presuming you have arrived at a decision, good for you!??If it is to walk for a while, that’s quite ok.??If it is to get back in the saddle, I hope your experience validates the lyrics of the?Brad Paisley song Bucked Off: “The pain only lasts so long when you get back on.”??Getting back into the saddle, or even the act of standing up and approaching the horse to get back in the saddle, shows that you have accomplished a few things.??First, you accept that you have been tossed from the horse and you are doing something about it. Second, it shows your realization that it is highly unusual to experience a magical teleportation from the ground back on to the horse.??Taking actions on your own initiative, even small ones, will move you in the right direction.??These small victories often generate outsized returns in momentum and success.

My last point is to everyone else in the arena with the fallen cowboy/cowgirl.??Show some empathy, love, support, and encouragement.??We all get tossed sometimes.??It may seem a small thing to send an encouraging note, but I can tell you from my own personal experience that such gestures are greatly appreciated.

If you aren’t a fan of cowboy wisdom, I’ll share with you that the alternative approach I considered using in this article is the following: Ships are safer in the harbor, but that is not what ships are for.??Think about that for a while.

Happy Trails!