When you are NOT enough...

People talk a lot about recognizing that even though things aren't working out for you, that "you are enough". They talk about how past experiences, traumas and circumstances don't define you and that regardless of what has happened, ultimately "you are enough".

I agree that you shouldn't allow past experiences and circumstances to diminish who you are, what you think about yourself and your sense of self-worth.

But as you live your life, you will find that there are times when what you do, what you know and how you operate may NOT be enough for what you need to do.

Those are the times when what you need to be or do does not match up with what you are capable of doing. That just means that you have an opportunity for growth.

What are you afraid of?

Growth is hard.

Growth is painful.

Growth is uncomfortable.

Growth causes you to face your shortcomings head on without any fluff or filler, but growth is the only way that you can move past shortcomings and weaknesses to become a better version of yourself.

Growth only comes when you face the fact that you are NOT enough in terms of something that you want and need to do.

People don't like to be uncomfortable. Especially in this day of social media where it seems that we are bombarded with images of "perfection" on all sides, it can feel overwhelming to be your authentic, imperfect self.

But growth only comes when you face the fact that you are NOT enough in terms of something that you want and need to do.

Society doesn't place a premium on growth--it places a premium on perfection.

In the age of the internet, when we are "less than perfect" we open ourselves up to ridicule, shaming and being misunderstood. Revealing who you are and where you come up short aren't typically seen as strengths or things to be celebrated online. In a world where every post has an accompanying filter so you can look your best and any missteps can bring out the "trolls", it's hard for people to feel confident and comfortable enough to be honest about who they are and what they need to improve.

Separate who you ARE at your core from what you DO.

This is when you have to be honest with yourself and to separate who you are at your core from what you do. Our outward behaviors are indicators of who we are, yes--but just because you make a mistake or a misstep does not mean that you are a "bad" person or someone who is unworthy. It just means that there are still things that you have to learn.

The process of growth is just as important--if not moreso--than the attainment of growth itself, but society places more of a premium value on having "arrived" than it does the journey of getting there. The key is to determine where you want to go and then map out a plan that will get you there that includes recognizing ways in which you need to be better in the process.

The determining factor is understanding when to share your innermost struggles and who to share them with. Not everything is meant for social media.

The key to growth is understanding that you are not alone.

When babies are first learning to walk or talk and they make a mistake, misstep, fall or fail, we don't berate them, call them stupid or tell them that they should give up. Instead we celebrate their attempts, offer encouragement, correction and guidance when necessary and serve as a source of support.

So why is it that as we get older, we stop being encouraging and supportive of growth but instead try to stifle it by ridiculing those who are trying to improve?

If you sincerely want to improve and set the stage for true growth and development, having people you trust is important when it comes to both personal and professional matters. Do you have a mentor? Is there a trusted friend or colleague you can turn to? How about a group or accountability partner?

Just as babies and children have a trusted circle and community of people who are there to lift them when they fall, wipe their tears away when they are hurt and encourage them when they come short--we need the same things. Being an adult doesn't exempt you from needing a supportive circle.

Growth is a process--and can be a scary process at that. So you need to recognize that you are not in this alone. Everyone has similar experiences at some point or can empathize with you and what you're going through.

Even though at our core we must recognize that we are worthy as individuals, the key that creates the opportunity for growth is understanding that those times when you may NOT be enough are actually triggers for your next level of growth.

Remember, it's okay that you're not perfect. Not being "enough" is perfectly fine. In fact, it's necessary so you can become the best that you are meant to be.

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Keisha A Rivers is Chief Outcome Facilitator of The KARS Group LTD and specializes in assisting clients to create their vision of success and develop an action and growth plan to get there. A gifted speaker, presenter and learning facilitator, she excels in bringing concepts to life and making them applicable to their situation and facilitating growth in the process. The KARS Facilitated Outcome? Model enables clients to systematically and strategically approach growth, change and development. Find out more at www.karsgroup.com