When You Don't Win
Midja Fisher
Creating Confident Leaders | Exec. Coach | Keynote Speaker | Founder of The Legal Leadership Project | Author | Corporate Facilitator
This weekend, I competed at the Gold Coast Dance Eisteddfod with my dance troupe; an amazing group of women led by Margot, our dance teacher extraordinaire. This is one of my favourite events of the year. It's that feeling of fear and terror, mixed with excitement and anticipation that just gets me every time.
At last year’s eisteddfod we won. We took home first place. It was magic! So, there were big expectations for this year’s performance.
After we danced, we raced back to the auditorium from side stage to hear the adjudication. And this year we came (drum roll please)…….3rd. Seriously? 3rd? Did the adjudicator actually see our rendition of It's Raining Men? Did he see those twirling glitter umbrellas? The complex choreography? Hahaha! It was just not our year, I'm afraid.
As the adjudicator was announcing the winners, he said something, and it’s something that I've heard a lot of adjudicators say over the last 40 years that I've been involved in dance and it was this;
"The placings that I'm about to give are down to my own personal preference and that's it. he dances that I enjoyed the most.”
And when you think about it, there are a lot of things in life that quite simply just come down to personal preference.
Maybe you went for a job interview and you thought you were perfect for the role but you weren’t selected. Maybe someone else in your team has given the promotion at work. Or maybe you went on a date with a guy who you really liked but you never heard from him again.
Sometimes you’re not going to be picked, you’re not going to come first, you’re not going to get what you want. And when this happens, you have a choice:
1. You can let someone else's personal opinion of you impact on how you feel about yourself. You can let it bring you down. Make you doubt yourself, make you feel like you’re not worthy. OR
2. You can let it go and put it into perspective. Say NEXT and keep on dancing!
It all comes down to where your confidence comes from. If it comes from external sources, other people’s opinions of you, being right, being liked and coming first, then your confidence is going to be knocked around. You might end up feeling battered and bruised because you won’t win every time.
If your confidence comes from within; if it comes from the work you’ve done on yourself, then absolutely no one can take that away from you. To me that's self-leadership.
So, how can you build your confidence and self-belief from the inside out?
- Know your why and your personal values. Deeply understand what gives you meaning and motivation in life.
- Stick to your core beliefs – your character foundation.
- Know your magic – your key strengths. Dial them up.
- Show up and do the work. Give your best.
- Be real and be authentic. Be vulnerable and show yourself.
If your confidence comes from within, you can take a knock and come back stronger. How powerful when your self-belief is not wrapped up in what others think of you but who you know you really are deep inside.
Confidence is not “They will like me.” Confidence is “I’ll be fine if they don’t.”
Christina Grimmie
What a week-end! A huge thank you to Margot and my fellow dancers. We may not have won, but look out GC Eisteddfod, next year we’ll be back!
Midja x
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Midja is a leadership expert, keynote speaker, corporate facilitator, mentor and author. She is passionate about inspiring leaders people want to follow, teams people want to play with and organisations that people want to follow.
To get your copy of Midja's latest book Great Lawyer to Great Leader, just head to her website:
https://www.midja.com.au/product/great-lawyer-great-leader/
Midja's Leadership Workshops
Think Leadership - “Create a Leadership Mindset and Define Your Brand”
Coach for Performance - “Conversations that Matter”
Create a High Performing Team - “Motivate and Engage to Deliver Results”
Lead Innovation, Strategy and Culture - “The Bigger Picture”
Midja's Team Workshops
Personal Leadership - “Perform at Your Best”
Stop the Busyness - “Manage Your Time and Energy”
High Performing Teams - “Create Team Chemistry”
Effective Communication - “Understand and Influence Others”
Midja's 90 day Mentoring Program:
- Women with Confidence
Contact Midja at [email protected] or 0408 718 445 to gain further details or to invite Midja to speak at your next event.