When you don't feel accomplished after a big accomplishment...

• Quick plug for something new... I've launched a community on Substack! This is the new home where my writing will live and I'll also be sharing helpful humaning resources as I find them along with some limited time workshop releases, come join the fun!

Have you ever been in the position where you've done something huge, maybe accomplished a lofty goal, only to feel ... not how you thought you'd feel?

Worse yet, have you done something according to someone else's opinions and guidance, even when your own inner compass (ie. your IGS - Intuitive Guidance System) is steering you in a much different direction, and been left with a serious case of the "ewwww's" and sticky regret that goes with it?

I've made the decision to rewrite my book, and I want to share why in hopes that if something rings true for you, you have a new inspiration to do the same.

The backstory...

Tossing it back to a pre-COVID 2019, what feels like eons ago... I self-published a book. If you didn't know I self-published a book, it doesn't surprise me at all. I didn't really market it. Not only did I not market it publicly, I didn't really talk much about it. To anyone.

We'll start this newsletter off with the whole point of it - I didn't market it, talk about it, shout it from the rooftops because I wasn't PROUD of it. That was the real reason.

The COVID pandemic was a great smokescreen for me to hide that behind though. It wasn't my best work, and I knew it, and beneath this accomplishment was a bit of ... shame. Major impostor syndrome ahead.

Here's the thing about me, I can't hook my name to something unless I'm a full body hell yes to it. That's why I don't recommend a resource or person unless they've actually made a huge impact on my life. My integrity and ability to be trustworthy is everything to me. I don't want to be the person who makes flippant recommendations to earn a dollar, I want to be the person who will guide you to something with or without any gain because it's THAT amazing.

Was I proud of the fact that I did all the things I needed to do to write and self-publish a book? Yes, absolutely. I realized that self-publishing, or publishing in general, is a checkbox most people leave unchecked for their entire lives.

I did what I tend to do and I dove in head first, figuring it out as I went. That whole "leap off the cliff and build your wings on the way down" thing. Writing the book I wrote wasn't in my grand life's plan - it just kind of happened. Sort of like my dog walking business.

At the time, I was focused on bringing proactive self-care into the work environments via workshops and speaking engagements. The book I wrote was meant to be a companion manual to those, or a standalone guide for anyone going on the solo quest of a better work life balance for themselves.

Here's what was wrong - at the time I wrote the book, I was under the guidance of a venture capital firm. If I was that person, I could air out all the dirty laundry and all the BS they proclaim, but to keep it high vibing let's just say it was a big 'ol farce. Under the definition of MAJOR BULLSHITERS you'd see photos of the owner and his crew, with many reviews to back it up.

But you know, you're a tiny little entrepreneur just trying to do something big in the world and you think because these people seem like they have all the answers, it's a great investment. This was a hard lesson in listen/read, but then VERIFY what you're being told.

While all wasn't lost completely, I learned some very expensive lessons. Did it yield me a book? Yes. Albeit a book I'm not particularly proud of because, at least to me, it reeks of their energy. I followed their outline, their mentoring, their process and produced a book that I don't enjoy the vibe of at all.

It isn't of resonance with my energy and the things I wish I put out into the world.

It's been my experience that it's less about the end product or accomplishment and more about the process it took to get there. How much heart and soul went into the creation, the journey. That when someone holds my book in their hands, they feel the essence of ME wrapping all around them.

I think that's one of the most beautiful things about being human, the opportunity to do things over. Make a different decision. Scrap an old plan and forge a new path. Pay more attention to how your creations affect someone's soul, rather than how much they're paying you for it.

The blessing in this whole mess was the awareness that I COULD do this on my own. I didn't need to be "discovered" as a writer. I think a lot of people get stuck in the needing to be chosen stage. It's amazing to have an entire team behind you, not to mention the funding, but most writers get stuck in the holding tank for life and never end up being chosen to give life to their words. It isn't you, it's the constructs.

The alternative is you can write what you want to write, hire freelancers to do the editing, design, proofreading, etc. and then self-publish, and I did that. I know the process now and I know what's needed. It's not the cheapest option, and you're not being paid to do it until you sell your books, but... you're doing it. You're giving life to what you believe in without feeling held up waiting for others to see your potential.

So I've made the decision to start rewriting it, with all of MY energy and none of theirs. I've been talking about it for years, but pieces are lining up to let me know it's time.

So here's my question for you...

Is there something you've done, created, published, accomplished that you can't totally get behind for one reason or another? On paper it looks great, but you just don't FEEL great about it. Dig deeper into that feeling, what's driving it? If it's still something that needs to be circulating in the world, can you tweak it or overhaul it completely to make it something you're proud to tell people about? Can you write a new story about it?

If this applies to you and you're open to sharing it with me, I'd love to hear from you! Feel free to comment, send me a message directly here on LinkedIn or to my email at [email protected]

Helpful resource to create your life based on how you want it to FEEL...

The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte

THE THEORY: What old-world healers have known, science is now proving. Our emotions lead our biology—having a profound effect on our heart rhythms, brain chemistry, and the myriad of systems they control. Stress brings chaos in the heart, positivity brings calm and steadiness. When we "think" with our hearts, we build our lives from a cellular level. It's the ultimate self-agency—and it generates what we're all wanting: compassion, CLARITY, and ultimately, a more loving existence.?