When you can't see toxicity

When my oldest (now 17) was about 7-years-old, he had an accident.

School was out for the summer, and he went ice skating at an indoor rink with friends. I was home with his younger sister, who was still quite small, when his friend's mom called me.

"Cindy, can you meet us at Dell Children's? Luke's had a little accident."

Dell Children's is a hospital. I immediately packed up the little one and headed over.

I found out my kiddo had tripped on the ice and cut his hand on his skate. It was a severe cut that had severed the tendon and the nerve to his left thumb. The poor guy needed surgery to reattach everything and months of occupational therapy to get his hand back to normal.

After several months of therapy, we noticed the wound wasn't healing. It was taking too long and it even looked infected. We tried a number of methods to heal the wound, including silver nitrate. Nothing helped.

After another visit to the surgeon, we found out that the wound couldn't heal because the stitches inside were infected. They were supposed to dissolve but had not. Another trip into surgery and the doctor removed the toxic stitches. The healing sped up and pretty soon you could barely see where he had cut his hand.

Toxic on the inside

I started thinking about that story recently because I've been thinking about toxicity in workplaces. Do a Google search on "toxic workplaces" and you'll find dozens of articles on the topic. What's striking to me is how most articles assume leadership is the cause of most toxicity. As a leader, I don't ever want to be the cause of a toxic culture. But it can happen when you're not vigilant.

What does toxic look like?

I've worked in toxic workplaces. One place is vivid in my memory. It had many signs:

1. Passive-aggressive communication
2. People felt like they were ‘walking on eggshells’
3. Employees were stressed or depressed
4. Lack of appreciation
5. Office gossip or ‘cliquey’ behavior
6. Employees behaved as if they were under threat
7. A boss that behaved irrationally or unreasonably
8. Employees felt like they had little control over their actions, the ability to make decisions, or the ability to make a difference

I wasn't a leader in that workplace. The only thing that got me through was an amazing direct supervisor who did everything she could to combat the culture and shield me from the strain. But there's only so much one person can do.

What to do when you're the leader

Now that I'm a leader in my own small company, I am ultimately responsible for culture and whether a workplace is toxic or not. Here's what I've learned.

Listen to your gut

When toxicity crept into my company, I had a lot of trouble identifying it. I felt that something was off -- way off. But I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Only after the fact can I see now what it really was. It was toxicity caused by one or two people.

My gut was telling me I needed to fix something. My head was trying to be logical and give the benefit of the doubt.

Here's my advice: listen to your gut. Your instincts serve you well. If you feel something is off, it likely is. Trust yourself so you can move forward in identifying what's actually happening and give it a label.

Act fast

One of the reasons I started trusting my instincts about the situation was because I spent time talking about my company with a peer CEO who was able to ask me tough questions.

"Cindy, if you could start all over again -- from the ground up -- what would you do differently?"

That got me thinking about what was happening and what should change. But I still didn't act on my instincts. I worried I was wrong, and I also thought I could solve the problems by throwing more processes at it and improving myself.

But remember how my kid's cut wasn't healing despite all the steps we tried? The issue was with the stitches -- inside. Only by surgically removing the stitches did the wound heal. It was hard to look inside and once we finally acted on the issue the wound could heal.

My advice: Act fast. There is a time for reflection, but you can't reflect too long. It could really harm your company.

I had already started taking steps to improve the situation, but they were just baby steps. I played a game of very slow chess as I got my ducks in a row and prepared. You've got to move faster.

Fire faster

And that brings me to a related issue: Fire faster. I actually identified the individual as a bad fit for the company pretty quickly. But I let myself be talked into keeping them on and giving them a second chance. My instinct told me they needed to go, but I didn't follow through. When I confronted the individual, they turned it back on me and blamed me for their actions and feelings.

This is where I'm most embarrassed about the situation, because I let myself be gas-lit. As a result of not firing the person, the toxic environment was allowed to grow. The individual sniped about me behind my back, to my face, and everything in between.

Always examine yourself and try to improve. But don't assume it's all you. They are responsible for their own actions.

While I was working on myself and improving my leadership skills, this person was busy trying to break me down. I pulled away from team meetings, dreaded seeing the person, and got caught up in blaming myself. And I let it happen because I didn't fire them.

When you don't let someone go who needs to go, you're not helping anyone. They aren't happy, you're not happy, and the company suffers. You are doing everyone a disservice.

It's kinder to let someone go who is no longer a fit. They have an opportunity to find a place where they can thrive and you can start healing yourself and your company from the inside out.

Hire carefully

Giving people jobs is fun! It's rewarding! It's exciting! It's also a big commitment. And if you make the wrong hire, it can be quite costly. Even if you are good at firing fast, you should still hire people carefully. Practice diligence. Look at the person from all angles.

Sometimes it can be really hard to decide. I tend to like nearly everyone I talk to. but liking people is not a good barometer for whether they will be a good employee. Recently we started implementing pieces of the top-grading method for hiring. Specifically, we go step-by-step through a candidate's work history and ask a lot of questions. Rather than ask a lot of behavioral questions, we want to know what they did in the past. Past behavior is a great indicator of future behavior.

In our latest round of interviews, one of the candidates that scheduled with me ghosted me. That's really annoying and rude, but it was also a "thank you" moment. The person told me -- through their actions -- how they would likely act if we hired them.

And this is where you should listen to your gut, too. If there's anything that gives you pause, figure out what it is. I once had that feeling with a candidate, but the rest of the people on my team told me I was imagining things and should give the person a chance. Unfortunately, within a few months on the job my gut was proven right. I should have listened.

I'll leave you with these thoughts

Admitting something is toxic is really hard. We all want to assume the best in people.

Take it from me. I didn't want to believe that things were bad. I wanted to be able to fix the situation without doing the hard work.

But sometimes you gotta take really hard steps. Once you do though -- whether it be letting someone go or admitting there's an issue -- you and everyone else will feel better.