When you ask a question, be quiet and let them answer…for as long as it takes!

There’s no disputing that time flies when you’re the one doing the thinking. For the person asking the questions though it can feel like forever. But that’s no reason to interrupt the thinker, instead consider the benefits of remaining quiet.

Think about the process you go through to ask a question! Most of us will think through the question in our heads and possibly even consider our own answer before asking it out loud. It is front-of-mind for us.

What this can create is an expectation that it is also front-of-mind for the person we’re asking the question of. We might expect that they’ll immediately know the answer and respond within a few seconds. When they don’t answer fast enough, we may feel compelled to give our own answer, hint or prompt them, in order to speed things up.

But here’s the thing…by doing that we’re hijacking the conversation and making it about us rather than them. And any great leader knows that it’s never about us, it’s all about our people. When we don’t listen, we risk them:

• Disengaging.
• Becoming frustrated or annoyed.
• Losing trust and confidence.
• Lacking commitment in their work.

So, put yourself in the shoes of the person being asked a question. Remember a time you were asked something that was not front-of-mind…what did you do?

I’m tipping you needed to go searching through your archives to find it and that took time! How much time would have depended on...

When that information was last accessed,

How big your archive is… 

and perhaps more importantly, 

How organised it is!

As a kid I always remember my dad’s shed looking disorganised and very busy with all the tools and gadgets he’d accumulated. There was only ever enough room to walk through a narrow pathway in between and you really needed to watch your step. 

Even today, he rarely gets rid of the things he no longer uses because “I might need it one day”, so they get pushed further back into the corner to simply wait for the day they might be needed. His love of gadgets and tools also means that he just keeps accumulating more, he never seems to have enough. The shed continues to fill!

And so, when he’s looking for a tool today vs. 20 years ago, it takes a little longer to find because of all the other tools in the shed and possibly because of the way he’s organised, or should I say disorganised, things.

When Dad has the time to look for a tool, and isn’t under pressure, he will eventually find it. But if he’s in a hurry or feeling pressured then he struggles to find what he’s looking for he’ll simply make do with the first tool he finds that could work as a substitute – which often means the end outcome isn’t as good as what it would have been if the right tool was used. 

I think our brains are very similar to my dad’s shed. Depending on our interest, how long we’ve been collecting information, our desire to get rid of things we don’t use and how well organised things are….will depend on how long we’ll need to answer a question.

And when we don’t get the time we need; we’ll opt for the substitute. We’ll…

• Respond with the first thing that comes to mind, even if we don’t mean it.
• Say “I’m not sure” or “I don’t know”.
• Ask “what do you think?”.
• Just wait for the person asking the question to answer.

In some scenarios this might work ok, but, if you’re leading a team and wanting genuine commitment then you’re going to need to listen, for as long as it takes. 

Be prepared to let them go in search of the right tool or gadget in their shed…and give them the time to find it. The benefits will far outweigh the discomfort that comes with silence!

And finally, consider this…

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”  ~ Ralph G. Nichols

So, when you ask a question, be quiet and let them answer…for as long as it takes!

Shelley Flett is a passionate leader with a keen focus on creating efficient and sustainable team environments through adaptable leadership. She is a Leadership Coach, Trainer, Facilitator, Mentor and Speaker who ignites vision and purpose in those she works with.

If you’d like to engage Shelley please drop her an email [email protected] or visit www.shelleyflett.com.