When Yes Means No (or maybe)

A “yes” in China is not that simple.

For a start, there are lots of ways to say it. I’ve counted more than 20. All are a bit different but can all mean ‘yes’…

• 是 (shì – ‘to be’)
• 好 (hǎo – ‘good’)
• 行 (xíng – ‘ok’)
• 对 (duì – ‘correct’)
• 有 (yǒu – ‘to have’)
• 嗯 (en – uhuh, or yep);

Or... 可以 (kě yǐ – ‘can’), 当然 (dāng rán – ‘of course’), 没错 (méi cuò – ‘no mistake’). And my personal favourite, 欧了 (ōu le) – which is pronounced ‘o’ as in ‘OK’

The possibilities are endless…. A bit like in China really… But in my experience there are basically three types of Chinese “yes” to look out for.

• a yes that means yes ( “yes-yes”)
• a yes that means possibly ( “maybe-yes”)
• a yes that means no ( “no-yes”)

What is a Chinese "no-yes?"

One of the more entertaining parts of my life is watching a Chinese “no-yes” conversation unfold – often as the only person in the room that understands everything that’s going on.

That’s when one of the 20 ways to say “yes” has just been said, and maybe that person even believes it themselves, but sooner or later it will evolve into the negative.

A “no-yes” is not intentionally dishonest, rude, or deceptive. It’s a part of a dynamic process of going from a yes (“anything is possible”)… to a no (“ok, so maybe THAT’s not possible, then”).

I think a “no-yes” happens for one or a mix of the following reasons…

Face – the "yes" is there to save face of the giver and/or receiver of what should be a “no” – not wanting to embarrass, or to appear to be unable to deliver.

Uncertainty – this is especially true when dealing with Chinese overseas. What is possible in China may not be somewhere like the UK.

Surprise – confusion at what the foreigner just said; let's just say "yes" until we know what to do with it!

Over-optimism – in China anything is possible so it’s almost expected to first say “yes” and then work out how to make it happen through entrepreneurial pluck, and not taking "no" for an answer.

How to spot a Chinese “no-yes”?

There is no hard and fast rule, but there are a few dodgy “yes-es” to watch out for:

• 行 (xíng) – this is vanilla way to say yes, and it often has a “no” lurking not too far behind it – beware!
• 可以 (kě yǐ) －”fine” or “OK” – often proceeded by 应该 (should) – this basically means “no”, and it should be taken as such.
• 问题不大 (wèn tí bù dà) – “not a big problem” – which is distinct from 没问题 (méi wèn tí – "no problem"). It leaves things open to reversal at a later time, while keeping things positive.
• 差不多 (chà bù duō) – the immortal Chinese words which mean “more or less” or “pretty much”; it can used to say yes, but of all the “no-yes-s” this is the worst one.

And it’s also about what has not been said – how the “yes” is delivered. Look out for a short pause, a nervous smile, or awkward laugh.

Navigating in China can be fun and challenging. Being able to decipher what is a “yes”, and when, and how to stop it becoming a no, is a big part of succeeding there.