When the World Moves On - Coping with the Ongoing Waves of Grief

Grief is a long, winding road that doesn’t follow a straight line. It’s an experience that hits you, sometimes when you least expect it, and can linger long after the initial loss. This journey is anything but linear—there are peaks and valleys, days of light and moments where it feels like you're sinking in quicksand. I’ve walked this path personally, and though time moves forward, grief tends to have a mind of its own.

When I lost my first wife to cancer, it felt like the world stopped spinning. In the immediate aftermath, people were around. They offered their condolences, shared stories, and provided comfort. But after a few months, everyone resumed their routines, and I was still stuck in my grief. Christian Thomas , in a recent episode of my interview series The Perfect Place to Start, articulated this perfectly when he said, “The hardest part of grief is that moment where everyone else has gone back to their normal everyday life, and you're still stuck in that grief and it's like trudging through mud.”

This is such a profound truth that most of us don’t realize until we’re in it. There’s this societal expectation that grief should end on a timeline: a few months, a year, or maybe two at most. But for those of us living it, grief doesn’t have an expiration date. It can be triggered by a song, a scent, or even a quiet moment. It’s always lurking, and as Christian put, “will punch you in the stomach when you’re least prepared.”

My journey with grief didn’t come with a manual—no one teaches you how to navigate such loss. In fact, society doesn’t talk about it nearly enough. We often feel the need to be “strong,” to move on quickly, or even to bottle it up. But that’s not how grief works. It’s messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal. For me, it wasn’t until I hit rock bottom, coping through alcohol and distancing myself from reality, that I realized something had to change. It took years of self-reflection, AA meetings and hard truths to pull me out of that dark space.

Yet even as I celebrate over a decade of sobriety, I can tell you that grief still catches me off guard. Every time I think I’ve made peace with it, it shifts—becoming something new.?

I’ve learned that there is no “getting over” grief, and that’s okay. You don’t move past it; you move with it. Grief becomes part of you. And while the pain of loss may soften over time, it never fully disappears. I remember sitting across from people months after my loss, and I could see their discomfort when they mentioned my wife. I understood—they didn’t want to bring up painful memories, but what they didn’t know is that not talking about her hurt more than the memories ever could.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned and that I want others to take away, it’s this: If someone in your life has lost a loved one—even if it’s been a year or more—don’t hesitate to ask them how they’re doing with that loss. Use the word “death” or “loss,” be specific. The most challenging part of grief is often feeling like you’re the only one who remembers. It’s in those quiet moments when everyone else has moved on that we, the ones grieving, need someone to ask, “How are you doing with that?”

Grief also teaches resilience in ways I never expected. It’s shown me how fragile life is, but also how strong we are as human beings. My wife’s death, in its devastation, somehow made me both tougher and more tender at the same time. I became more empathetic, more aware of others’ struggles, and more committed to showing up for the people I love.

Through my experience, I’ve come to see grief not as an enemy to overcome, but as a companion that has shaped who I am. It’s the price of love, and that price is steep, but the love is always worth it.

For anyone reading this who is walking their own journey with grief, I want you to know that where you are is the perfect place to start. Don’t rush your healing. Don’t compare your grief to someone else’s timeline. Your process is yours, and it’s valid in every way. And if you know someone grieving, especially if time has passed, reach out. Ask them how they’re truly doing. You’d be surprised how much that question can mean.

If you want to dive deeper into this conversation, I invite you to watch the full episode where we explore grief, its nuances, and how we can better support one another through it. This isn’t a conversation we have enough, but it’s one we desperately need.

https://www.megangluthbohan.com/the-perfect-place-to-start-christian-thomas/